


A different fate

by HiroPride



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gryffindor Severus Snape, M/M, Marauder's Era, Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Mpreg, five marauders, long story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:29:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 85,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23409082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiroPride/pseuds/HiroPride
Summary: What if things had started differently?Starting when Severus starts at Hogwarts.Mature rated because of the content in later chapters.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, Euphemia Potter/Fleamont Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans, James Potter/Severus Snape, Orion Black/Original Male Character(s), Peter Pettigrew/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 129
Kudos: 414





	1. First year: The train to Hogwarts

The boy with the untamed black hair locked eyes with the slightly hooked nose and straight haired boy. Just for a moment, James was not present at all. He could only look at the other eleven year old’s boys eyes although he had no idea who he was and for what reason he couldn’t take his eyes off him.

“Eww… is he staring at you?” A girl popped up next up to the boy that James didn’t know.

“I think so.” The boy said and he looked quite uncomfortable by the staring. He looked over at the red haired girl that was in his company and totally tried to ignore James.

“Come on, let’s go look for an empty compartment.” The red haired girl said and she pulled the boy along and James was quickly left behind so he went to look for a compartment as well.

He didn’t want to go for an empty one though as he didn’t want to sit by himself. He quickly found a compartment with two boys. One was surrounded by snacks and the other one seemed to be permanently stuck with his nose into a book he was holding.

‘Great, I’ve found the compartment with the weirdo’s.’ James thought to himself before someone bumped up against him from the right.

James looked down and saw a slightly smaller male with black, slightly curly hair. He was wearing his robes already and they were so neat that James guessed that the boy’s mother might have made sure that he looked his best today.

“Is this compartment empty?” the boy asked and James shook his head.

“I’m going in anyway.” the boy said and as James stepped aside the boy went into the compartment and threw himself next to the boy with the book.

“My name is Sirius Black and you are?” the boy, apparently called Sirius introduced himself.

“Remus.” The other boy said and he looked up from his book, revealing he had some big scars across his face. “Remus Lupin.” He clarified.

“Those are some intense scars.” Sirius said and James decided to enter the compartment too and he decided to sit down next to the somewhat chubby boy that was surrounded by the snacks.

“James Potter.” He started.

“P-peter…Pettigrew.” the chubbier boy replied.

“In what house would you like to be?” James asked the boys.

“Ravenclaw or Gryffindor, I can’t really pick.” Remus said and he had put his book down fully now.

“I probably will end up in Slytherin, just like the rest of my family.” Sirius sighed.

“Eww, not that house full of slimy gits right?” James frowned.

“Maybe I’ll break the tradition and become a Gryffindor.” Sirius said and his voice sounded hopeful.

James nodded to that and then looked over to Peter who stuttered shyly: “I…I think I-I’ll end up in H-Hufflepuff.”

“I hope to be in the best house of all of course! Gryffindor.” James said proudly and Remus went back to his book.

“W-what makes Gryffindor the best?” Peter asked shyly and James gladly provided him with a lengthy lecture on why Gryffindor was the best house in Hogwarts.

“But Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff are fine. Just Slytherin is bad.” James said and he then looked out of the window. His thoughts drifted off to the boy he had met earlier. The boy with pitch black straight hair, a slightly hooked nose and an overall thin frame. Most eleven year olds looked quite tiny in comparison to kids that were older but Severus was just very skinny and honestly looked a little bit younger if it wasn’t for the serious expression on his face because that one made him look older than he actually was.

‘He’s so peculiar…’ James thought to himself.

“Sev, what are you reading?” the red headed girl asked, her name was Lily. She and Severus were the best of friends and the school year hadn’t started officially yet as they weren’t sorted just yet.

“Magical Drafts and Potions.” Severus said.

“Isn’t that one of the books we were required to buy?” Lily asked and Severus nodded before lowering the book a little so Lily could look with him.

“It sounds all so complicated…” she muttered.

“It’s not as complicated as it looks, believe me. This for example is a cure for boils, so when someone jinxes you and gives you pimples, you can use this potion to remove them.” Severus told and he explained to her how the potion was made by simplifying the instructions.

“Also, you must take the cauldron of the fire before you add the porcupine quills or else the cauldron will melt and create a terrible odour and if it spills and touches your skin, it will cause it to erupt in vicious boils.” Severus warned and Lily looked a bit horrified.

“Thank you for telling me.” Lily said, glad she didn’t have to find that out the hard way.

“I wouldn’t want you to go through that.” Severus said kindly and he looked at her for a bit and smiled at her. He really thought of Lily as his best friend, his only friend but that was probably because Severus was terrible at making friends.

“Hey, Severus explain me again what houses there are?” Lily looked at him.

“There’s Gryffindor, the house of the brave and daring. They also value nerve and chivalry. The emblem is a lion.” Severus started.

“Then there’s Hufflepuff, it’s for the hard working, dedicated, patient and loyal people and they also value fair play. Their emblem is a badger. Oh and there colours are yellow and black.” Severus continued.

“What colours does Gryffindor have?” Lily asked.

“Red and gold.” Severus said.

“Now, there’s Ravenclaw. It values intelligence, knowledge and wit. The emblem is the eagle and it’s colours are blue and bronze.” Severus said.

“That sounds like the house you belong in.” Lily commented.

“Really?” Severus looked unsure.

“Yeah but what’s the last house?” Lily asked.

“The last house is the house my mom used to be in too, it’s called Slytherin. It values ambition, cunning and resourcefulness. It’s emblem is a snake and it’s colours are emerald green and silver.” Severus told.

“In which house would you like to be, Sev?” Lily then asked as she herself wasn’t sure in which house she belonged but she would like to be in Gryffindor.

“I’m not sure yet.” Severus admitted. Deep inside he would like to just be in the same house as Lily but he thought that saying such a thing was too cheesy so he didn’t.

“I would like to be in Gryffindor but I’m not sure if I belong there.” Lily looked unsure. Maybe she belonged more to Hufflepuff but honestly as long as Severus ended up in the same house as her, she didn’t really care in which house she ended up in.

“You do, Lily.” Severus smiled again and he then put his book away as he could feel the train going slower.

“We’re almost there.” Severus let Lily know and he was right because soon after the train had stopped and the students were called to leave the train. The new students especially were told to gather on the platform.

Severus and Lily got out of their compartment and as they stepped off the train and went on the platform, Severus and Lily saw the boy again that had stared so strangely at Severus before.

“He’s a first year too?” Lily wrinkled her nose.

“Apparently.” Severus fixed his robes. Comparing his dusty robes to the strange boy’s robes, he noticed that the strange boy’s robes looked brand new and of the finest material out there.

‘Great, that creep is a rich spoiled brat.’ Severus thought to himself.

The first years were guided to the lake where they were told to go in groups of four on little boats. Severus looked in panic at Lily, not sure with who they should group up but Lily didn’t seem to have any problems as she quickly found two girls. One looked honestly a little weird as she had a frog sitting on her head and the other girl had long blonde hair and a fringe that almost covered her eyes.

“This are Alice and Pamela.” Lily introduced the girls. Alice was the girl with the frog and Pamela was the girl with the fringe. Severus nodded and introduced himself to the girls before they went on the little boat. In boat in front of them had the strange staring boy on it and he was accompanied by three other boys. One that looked nervous and a bit chubby, one that had huge scratches in his face and the last boy had wavy black hair and just looking at him made Severus think he was of a pureblood family. The staring boy probably was too but the wavy haired boy seemed to have a different vibe about him. Severus couldn’t quite come up with what different vibe it was.

As soon they arrived at the castle they were guided up the stairs and a lady that introduced herself as Professor McGonagall, told them more about Hogwarts and about the houses that they would be sorted in but most importantly, she explained the rules and the point system.

When she paused for a while, James looked at the skinny boy and softly introduced himself. “My name is James Potter.” James said softly.

“Severus Snape.” Severus said back just as softly and then the group of first years got guided into the great hall. Severus grew nervous. In what house would he be sorted in and would he be in the same house as Lily?


	2. First year: Sorting and roommates

“Evans, Lily.” Professor McGonagall had called first and as Lily nervously went to the chair, Severus looked with scared eyes up to the scene in front of him.

He hadn’t been sorted yet but he was already scared that Lily wouldn’t be in the same house as him.

“Gryffindor!” the hat yelled as soon as it touched Lily’s head.

The wavy haired boy was called Sirius Black and he had been sorted into Gryffindor as well, seemingly to much dismay of the Slytherins. Probably the family of the boy was famous for being in Slytherin and Sirius was the odd one out.

“Lupin, Remus.” That made the boy with the scarred face jump up almost and he quickly shuffled to the chair and as he sat down, the hat thought a bit about it before yelling ‘Gryffindor’ as well.

Soon the chubby boy called Peter Pettigrew went and it surprised Severus when the boy was sorted into Gryffindor but it didn’t surprise Severus when the next boy, the staring boy called James Potter was sorted into the same house.

Then soon it became Severus’ turn to be sorted and when he nervously sat down, he looked at Lily who sat at the Gryffindor table next to Alice. She seemed to be nervous too but it their nerves were washed away when the hat called ‘Gryffindor’ once again.

Although Severus was sure it would upset his mother, he was glad that he was in the same house as his best friend. He happily ran over to the Gryffindor table and sat down on the empty spot on Lily’s left side.

Once the sorting ceremony was over, the headmaster called Albus Dumbledore gave a little speech and reminded the students of the rules, while introducing the new students to these rules. After he had said everything that he deemed important he started the feast and with his words, the most delicious kinds of food appeared on the table in what seemed to be endless amounts.

Severus’ eyes sparkled. He never had seen this much food before but yet he didn’t dig in immediately like the other students. He waited a bit instead and then took some chicken and some vegetables.

“You’ve got to try the pumpkin tarts, Snape was it?” James suggested as he tried to remember his name.

“You can say Severus but are you starting with dessert?” Severus asked.

“Yeah why not? My mom is not here to tell me what to eat first so why should I care?” James asked.

“Hmm, you’re right.” Severus agreed and for once, he did something he would never do at home and tried a pumpkin tart. Then he hummed. “They’re really good!” Severus said to James.

“Right?” James smiled.

Severus smiled back faintly before looking back to Lily.

“Where’s Pamela?” Severus asked, not seeing the girl with the fringe.

“Didn’t you hear? She’s in Ravenclaw.” Lily reminded him.

“I didn’t hear…I was just so glad that you and I were in the same house.” Severus admitted.

“You guys know each other?” Sirius, the boy with the wavy hair asked.

“Yes, we grew up in the same neighbourhood.” Severus said before Lily told about their neighbourhood a bit more.

“Sounds like a sad and depressing place.” James commented before stuffing a chicken wing into his mouth, besides eating dessert before anything else he also had decided to leave his table manners at home.

“Where are your table manners, James?” Remus asked as he looked as if he was the opposite of James, he was eating very neatly and he also eat his main course first before starting on his dessert.

“Who cares about manners?” James shrugged. “I mean, look at Peter.” James pointed to the chubby boy who was eating like a beast, but he only ate desserts. Tarts, cakes, candy and so on.

“I wouldn’t take an example from that.” Lily shook her head in disapproval.

“What’s your name?” James looked at her.

“Lily Evans.” Lily said and Severus let her because if something happened he knew that Lily could defend herself. She didn’t really need protection or someone to stand up for her, at least not if she was talking to another eleven year old.

After the feast everyone was told to go to their respective dorms. The Gryffindor prefect leaded the first years up the stairs and told them about the changing stairs. “Sometimes they just change at will. Try to not take these stairs by yourself the first few days so that if you end up somewhere wrong, you’re not alone.” the prefect told them and then told them about the password that they had to say to the Fat Lady.

Once the first years came in the common room, the prefect told them about the use of the common room. Then a sixth year Gryffindor girl took the first year girls with her. The prefect explained the boys where the boys dorms were and where the girls dorms were before he took the boys with them. He then started splitting the boys up in either groups of four or five.

The second to last group to be called was: “Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter and Severus Snape.”

The boys looked at each other before they went to their new room and as they entered the room, James immediately ran to the bed in the centre and jumped onto it. “This will be mine!” James claimed and Remus and Severus frowned a bit. Sirius took the bed on James’ right side and Remus decided to take the bed that was next to that. The bed that was on the far right, next to the wall.

Severus and Peter looked at each other and the nervous boy asked Severus which bed he preferred.

“It doesn’t really matter.” Severus said and so Peter nodded and took the bed on the far left, the one that was the closest to the window. Severus took the bed that was left, the bed between Peter and James.

“Now that’s all sorted out. Let’s play a game!” James called but Remus refused as he said he was going to write his parents and Peter said he was going to do the same.

“What about you two?” James looked at Severus and then Sirius.

“I’m not going to write my parents, they wouldn’t care.” Sirius said and Severus nodded as because he didn’t really want to talk about his parents.

And so the two boys played a game with Bertie Bott’s every flavour beans.

“Eww, gross, this one tastes like earwax.” Sirius made a face in pure disgust.

“Hmm, I think this one is grass flavoured.” James said but although the taste was a little odd, he didn’t find it that disgusting.

“Mine tasted like apple.” Severus said.

“Ahh, that’s my favourite one.” Sirius whined and he took another one but he almost spit that one out in disgust but decided to be brave instead and eat it.

“What? Was it that bad?” James asked.

“Vomit! It was vomit!” Sirius complained loudly.

“Here, try this one.” Severus held out one of the beans to the boy.

“Can I trust you that this one is not disgusting?” Sirius asked.

Severus nodded and Sirius hesitantly took the bean out of Severus’ hand before putting it in his mouth and sucking on it first.

He smiled in relief when he tasted the delicious orange flavour. He smiled at Severus and the boy smiled back.

Severus was deep down not only glad that he got into the same house as Lily but he was now also very glad he was in Gryffindor as these boys were genuinely nice and he couldn’t wait to tell Lily that he had made new friends.


	3. First year: First classes

After playing with the beans quite some time, all of the boys went to bed. Peter was snoring loudly, Sirius had one leg out of his bed, James was hugging his pillow, Remus was curled up to a little ball and lastly Severus laid on his left side with one leg up and his one hand resting on his pillow.

The next day, Remus was the first to wake up and he got dressed into his robes and he struggled a bit at first with his tie but managed to do it properly in the end. Then he put his wand away and he looked over to the other beds. He saw Severus sit up and rub his eyes a bit. Severus was actually quite skinny but Remus didn’t think he had the right to judge.

“Good morning, Severus.” Remus said.

Severus yawned and then looked up to see Remus already dressed. “Oh good morning, Remus.” He said.

“Do we wake them up?” Remus asked, meaning the other boys and Severus wanted to say he wanted to leave the boys to wake up themselves but then he just nodded. He didn’t think it was very fair and Lily would want him to be nice, Severus thought so at least.

“Will you wake up Peter already then?” Remus asked as Peter’s bed was next to Severus’.

Severus nodded and he looked over to a loud snoring Peter. He sighed and then shook Peter’s shoulder. Peter luckily immediately shook up and blinked in confusion. “It’s morning already?” Peter asked.

“Yeah…” Severus said as he got back to his own bed and he started to get dressed.

While Peter got out of bed and Severus was getting dressed, Remus successfully woke up Sirius and James woke up by himself.

“Good morning everyone!” James called loudly.

“Could you not yell first thing in the morning?” Sirius groaned and he rubbed his eyes before getting out of bed.

When Severus was ready and grabbed his bag, Remus and him decided to go ahead to the great hall while the other boys were still getting ready.

On their way to the great hall, Lily catches up to them. “Severus!” She called and the red headed girl ran over to him. The red and gold of the Gryffindor uniform really fitted her.

“Hi, Lily.” He smiled at her and she joined him and Remus on their way. Lily’s eyes found Remus’ and she asked him what his name was again.

“Remus Lupin.” Remus told and as they sat down at the Gryffindor table. Remus grabbed some eggs and toast while Lily got herself some cereal. Severus looked over the food and then decided to grab some toast and put some jam on it. When he bit in the toast, he was pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t too hard or too soft. It just had that perfect crunch that a toast needed. After taking a few bites he sipped from his tea and that’s when James, Peter and Sirius joined them at the table. James came to sit across him and Peter and Sirius sat next to James, one on each side.

“What do we have first thing in the morning?” James asked.

“Charms.” Severus answered.

“Boooring!” Sirius complained.

“You haven’t had the class yet and you’re already calling it boring?” Lily frowned.

“I just want to learn how to fly.” Sirius said before taking a bite of his bacon.

“I can already fly.” James proudly held up his head.

“I call bluff on that.” Remus didn’t believe him.

“Well I’ll show you during Flying class then.” James smirked.

“Deal.” Remus still didn’t believe him.

“What subject are you most looking forward to?” Severus asked Remus.

“Me? Pretty much all of the subjects except Flying.” Remus said and he looked at Severus.

“I’m looking forward to Defence Against the Dark Arts and Potions.” Severus told.

“Defence Against the Dark Arts is a stupid subject.” James rolled his eyes.

“No, it’s not.” Severus argued.

“I think it is!” James stuck his tongue out like a little child and before Severus could say anything back, Lily broke up the argument by saying that she was looking forward to Potions.

“I hope we can work together for Potions.” Lily said and he looked at Severus.

“I agree on that. I don’t want to fail in my first class.” James said and he looked at Remus who he thought would be the best partner for Potions.

After breakfast the boys and Lily left the great hall and went to their Charms classroom. They each found a place to sit and so Severus ended up sitting between Lily and Remus. Severus quickly noticed they had Charms with Ravenclaw as he saw first year boys and girls walk in with the Ravenclaw ties. Severus saw Pamela and so he nudged Lily. “That’s Pamela over there. Maybe you should catch up with her later.” Severus said and Lily agreed to that.

Lily waved at Pamela and the girl shyly waved back before the professor came in. Professor Flitwick was tiny and to some students that seemed to be the funniest thing ever but he quickly shut them up and started telling them which charm they were going to learn today. He then explained the importance of charms before he explained how to do their first charm.

In front of each student on the desk laid a white feather and Professor Flitwick explained that with the spell ‘Wingardium Leviosa’ they would be able to make it fly before he demonstrated it for them.

“Now try it yourself. Make sure to pronounce it correctly and to make the right movement with your wand. It’s swish and flick.” Professor Flitwick said and soon all the first years attempted to cast the charm but of course it took them a few times before succeeding.

Lily smiled proudly when she got it on the second try while it took Severus another try before he was able to do it. Out of Severus’ roommates it took Peter the longest to successfully do it but in the end they all had a nice first class.

When Charms was over, James asked Severus what they had next.

“Flying.” Severus said as he already knew every single part of their schedule.

“YES!” James cheered loudly and he out of excitement hugged Sirius who pushed him off immediately as he was used to being hugged but his reaction made James frown a little. “You don’t have to be so rude about it.” James said.

Sirius just walked away from the little group and Remus sighed. “You should keep in mind that some people like their personal space, James.” Remus lectured but James didn’t really listen.

Soon all the first year Gryffindors and Slytherins were outside and they were all told to stand next to a broom.

The professor told that in this lesson they wouldn’t start flying just yet. She then explained that they would learn first how to summon the broom. As the professor explained it, all the students including Severus held their hand over their broom and said to the broom: “Up!”

James was bored out of his mind as he already knew how to do this so when he called up, he wasn’t surprised when it came up from the first try. It took Sirius a few more tries but he was quick with it too. Peter’s broom smacked him in the face instead of coming up to his hand. Remus and Severus struggled to get their broom up while it took Lily a couple tries before she got it up.

After everyone succeeded at that they also learned how to sit on their broom, how to properly hold it and how to hover a little but since everyone seemed to struggle with that, they didn’t went to the next step.

They were then told at the end of the lesson to put back all the brooms and as Severus and James were putting back theirs, James seemed greatly annoyed so Severus asked what was going on.

“I thought you were looking forward to this class.” Severus recalled as he put the broom back in the broom closet.

“No, I was looking forward to fly on a broom.” James corrected.

“I’m sure we will get to that in the next lesson.” Severus assured him but James didn’t look very convinced by it.

“Anyway, we have a break now. Is there any part of the castle you want to go? Lily, Remus, Alice and Peter are going to the lake.” Severus said.

“What about Sirius?” James asked.

“I’m not sure but wherever he’s going, apologise to him.” Severus suggested.

James pushed his glasses up and asked: “Why?”

“He really seemed uncomfortable with the hug.” Severus looked at James and deep down he could somewhat relate to Sirius but on the other hand, he really wanted a hug. His mother never hugged him and his father definitely wouldn’t do it either. However Severus wasn’t going to tell that to anyone and especially not to James. He didn’t want to make the fellow Gryffindor think that he was a weirdo.

“Fine. I’ll apologise.” James sighed but Severus could tell from the expression on his face that he felt genuinely bad. Severus held himself back from smiling. James wasn’t a bad boy. He was just very loud.

James went to look for Sirius while Severus joined the others at the lake. “Where’s James and Sirius?” Remus asked him.

“They’ll not come to the lake. James is going to make things right with Sirius now.” Severus said.

The others didn’t seem to mind that Sirius and James weren’t coming and as they sat at the lake they were talking about the first two classes they just had.

“What do we have after our break?” Alice asked.

“Transfiguration I think.” Peter guessed.

“Yes, Transfiguration by Professor McGonagall.” Severus said.

“Isn’t that the head of our house?” Remus asked.

“And the lady that held the hat at the ceremony?” Peter questioned and Severus nodded to both of their questions. “She… She seems really strict.” Peter said nervously.

“Yeah but she also seems as if she would be nice as long you behave and even if you are bad in her subject, do your best to improve.” Lily said and Remus agreed to what she said.

“Y-you really think so?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, just don’t talk during her lecture and pay attention and I’m pretty sure you’ll be fine.” Severus assured.

After some time their break was over and when they arrived at the Transfiguration class, they met up with Sirius and James again.

“You were right, all what was needed was an apology.” James admitted softly to Severus as they sat next to each other. Severus preferred to sit next to Lily but she said she would sit next to Alice for Transfiguration today and so Severus chose to sit next to James instead for now. During the lesson he made notes and when Professor McGonagall asked some questions he would raise his hand each time.

Professor McGonagall tried to pick someone different for each question since she wanted to give everyone that tried raising their hand a chance and so Severus got to answer one too. James didn’t raise his hand once but as Severus glanced over James’ notes he could tell that aside of the random doodles that James understood the material. James just didn’t want to answer any questions and Severus wondered why because James surely wasn’t shy or insecure. He was quite the opposite actually.

After Transfiguration they had lunch in the great hall. “I’m sooo hungry!” James whined and he ran over to the table. He immediately grabbed some sandwiches when he sat down while Sirius and Peter followed his example, Remus calmly sat down and he took a sandwich before opening a book.

“What are you reading?” Severus asked as he and Lily sat down.

“Magical Drafts and Potions.” Remus said.

“Why are you reading study material during lunch?” Sirius frowned at him.

“Because I like reading.” Remus said and Sirius seemed to find him a little strange but Severus and Lily started to eat.

“He seems a bit like you.” Lily said softly. Severus didn’t see it but Lily insisted anyway.


	4. First year: Making friends

The first week had gone by faster than Severus thought and that Sunday was sitting at the lake with Lily. Severus was picking at the grass and Lily was talking about how scared she was that she was going to mess up her first assignment.

“It’ll be fine, Lily. I looked over it twice. But I’m sure you’ll get an excellent grade.” Severus said.

Lily sighed but then nodded. “You’re right, Sev.” She said and then she smiled brightly. Severus just looked up to see the brightest smile he ever had seen on Lily Evans face. She looked so pretty when she smiled but Severus quickly put that thought aside.

“What are you smiling for?” Severus asked.

“I’m so proud of you, Sev.” Lily said happily without any explanation of why of what she was proud.

“Of?” Severus asked in confusion.

“Of you making friends, Sev!” Lily said excitedly and Severus didn’t really get it at first before he realised she of course meant his roommates.

“I’m not sure if they will stay my friends, though.” Severus looked at the lake.

“What makes you think that?” Lily crossed her arms.

“I’m not sure but Lily… you know I…” Severus muttered and that made Lily get a bit closer to Severus to rub his back.

“I know but what made you trust me so easily?” Lily asked.

Severus shrugged at first before he said: “You’re so different. You’re nothing like them at all.”

“But isn’t Remus nice?” Lily then suggested.

“I’m not saying the other guys aren’t nice, Lily.” Severus argued.

“I know that but I asked about Remus.” Lily insisted.

“He’s nice, Lily but he seems to be battling his own demons and I’m not sure if I’m the best person to talk to him then…” Severus looked at Lily for a few seconds before he looked back to the lake.

“You don’t have to talk about the things you’re struggling with. Talk about Potions or Transfiguration or maybe even Defence Against the Dark Arts. He seems to be into studying as much as you, if not more.” Lily said.

“B-but…” Severus tried to argue but Lily held him back from doing so. “Just try it, Severus.” Lily demanded almost and she looked with a serious look on her face at her friend.

“You never call me Severus that seriously.” Severus pouted a little.

“Now I’m serious with you.” Lily still looked at him and Severus sighed deeply but stood up. That made Lily get up too.

“Where are you going, Sev?” Lily asked.

“I’m going to look for Remus.” Severus said and as he walked off he thought a bit about what Lily said.

‘Actually they’re all nice. James is loud, Sirius seems a little harsh sometimes but he seems to need a loving friend, Peter might seem stupid at first but he tries his very best at everything and Remus, he seems to be hiding something. But what?’ Severus thought and as he entered the library he had found Remus easily. He was sitting at a table all by himself, surrounded by books. Severus recognised himself in Remus in some way.

Severus walked over to the lonely boy and went to sit next to him as he figured he else wouldn’t see him if he sat across him.

“Hi, Remus…” Severus greeted after a while as he noticed that Remus really hadn’t noticed him.

The other boy shocked up and looked up. “Ah, Severus, it’s you.” Remus seemed to sigh in what seemed to be relief.

“You sound relieved?”

“Yeah, I’m glad it’s you and not any of those three. I mean, they’re nice but…” Remus tried to find the right word.

“Annoying?” Severus tried.

“Kind of yeah, but mostly just loud and that doesn’t really work well in a library.” Remus closed the book he had been reading in.

Severus nodded in agreement and then Remus asked softly if there was a reason why he came up to him.

“Not really, I thought we could prepare for the upcoming lessons together?” Severus asked.

“You prepare as well?” Remus asked and when Severus nodded, Remus smiled a bit. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.” he whispered before he asked how far Severus was with the preparation.

“I have prepared for the classes until Wednesday.” Severus whispered. “I just finished those.” Remus whispered back.

“So we’ll have to prepare for Herbology, the second Potions class and…uhm..” Severus tried to remember.

“History of Magic.” Remus added softly and then he checked if he had all the books with him. “I have everything…” he confirmed.

“Let’s start with Herbology?” Severus suggested and Remus agreed with that.

Quickly the boys prepared for their upcoming classes and while they were doing so Severus couldn’t help but glance at Remus’ scars.

Although he knew what it felt like to be hurt by other people, he wasn’t sure if that was the case for Remus. He couldn’t just assume that was the case. Maybe the scars were from some silly accident or maybe something horrible happened in the past. Severus had some ‘scars’ of his own. Most of them were mental but he had some visible ones as well but nobody would be able to see them unless they saw him naked and Severus made sure that no one got to see him like that. Though Severus felt a bit guilty for not telling Lily. He knew he could trust her though and that she wouldn’t tell anyone about it but he just didn’t want her pity.

“Could you please stop that?” Remus suddenly whispered.

Severus shocked up and looked confused.

“Please stop looking at my scars all the time.” Remus said but before Severus could say anything, Remus gathered his books and he quickly left off.

Severus watched him leave before he let his head fall on the table. ‘Why did I do that?’ he thought to himself. ‘I’m so stupid, so stupid…so stupid..’ the thought went on and on in his head.

Later that evening after dinner when Severus went up to his room, he wanted to go straight to bed but Remus held him back.

“Look I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…I w—” Severus tried to explain himself.

“No, I’m sorry.” Remus said and the apology really confused Severus.

“I shouldn’t have been so harsh. I’m sure you didn’t do it because you thought my scars were ugly or something.” Remus explained.

“Yeah that’s not why I was looking. I just wondered what they were from but then thought it wasn’t my place to ask.” Severus told.

Remus smiled sadly. “It’s from an accident. That’s the most I can tell you.” Remus said to him but Severus nodded. “You don’t have to tell me more if you don’t feel comfortable with that.” Severus said and that made Remus smile but genuine now.

“The others aren’t bothering you with it right?” Severus asked, he could ask it now they weren’t here yet.

“No, not at all. Luckily.” Remus said and then James, Peter and Sirius came in.

“Oh here you guys are! Where were you the whole time?” James asked.

“Library.” Severus said and Sirius rolled his eyes. “How boring can you guys be, spending your time in the library on a Sunday. I thought you already finished your assignments and all that.” Sirius said.

“We did but we were preparing for the upcoming lessons.” Remus told and while Peter went to the bathroom, Sirius and James frowned.

“You guys are crazy.” Sirius said.

“Oh how nice of you.” Severus said sarcastically.

“Always.” Sirius said.

“That’s my word, Sirius!” Severus said and he grabbed a pillow.

“Wow, mate!” Sirius and James held their hands up.

“I’ll show you who’s crazy.” Severus grinned widely.


	5. First year: Hugs and parents

Everyone was in bed after an intense pillow night that surprisingly Severus had started. James still couldn’t really believe it was him who started it all as he didn’t see him as the person who would. James was the only one awake as everyone was sleeping already and the little boy’s thoughts stayed on Severus. He couldn’t help but think that Severus was really skinny and even though James was just eleven, just like any other first year he could tell that the way that Severus’ body looked wasn’t normal. Remus was thin too but Severus was so thin that James wondered if he was even fed at home.

That also reminded James that outside of all the boys, Severus and Sirius were the only ones that didn’t talk about their family. Remus had mentioned already that his parents were really nice and so did Peter. James knew he sometimes complained about his mom’s ridiculous rules but he also admitted to them that his parents weren’t that strict and that they were actually very lovely.

James sighed to himself and adjusted his sleeping position and he was about to fall asleep but he then heard some sniffing so he looked up and tried to hear were it came from. He then heard it came from his left side. James sat up, put his glasses on his nose before he got out of bed, carefully as he tried not to make any noise. The sniffing continued and as James walked on the tips of his toes to the left, he realised it was Severus who was sniffing in his sleep.

James didn’t know what to do at first but then remembered what his mom would do if he was sad so he carefully got into Severus’ bed, got under the blankets and gently pulled him closer. Severus didn’t seem to wake up from that but eventually it made him stop sniffing. Severus cuddled up to James but the boy didn’t push him back because he had fallen asleep already.

The next morning James woke up and the first thing he saw was Sirius in his pyjamas staring at him. “W-what are you staring at?” James asked and Sirius pointed at Severus who was still sleeping in James’ arms.

“He needed it. He was crying and so I did what my mom would do if I was crying.” James explained, a bit embarrassed.

“Your mom hugs you when you cry…” Sirius said, rather in disbelief than it being a true statement.

“Yeah, doesn’t yours?” James asked.

“No. My mom never hugs me.” Sirius looked down and then walked away to get dressed.

What kind of mom never hugged their child? James was utterly confused but the statement made him look down to the boy in his arms.

‘Maybe he never gets hugged either…’ James thought to himself before he felt some movement.

Severus woke up and when he noticed it was unusually warm, he was a bit alarmed but when he saw James was in his bed he looked confused.

“I… heard you sniffing so I thought I would do what my mom would do.” James explained and Severus hugged James back and did so tightly. He didn’t say anything but he just hugged the other boy. It was a completely different reaction than James had gotten from Sirius so he was a bit confused.

“It’s my first hug…” Severus whispered and James’ eyes got big.

“Don’t tell anyone.” Severus added softly and then he let go of James and escaped out of the other boy’s arms before he went to get changed.

James was still a little shocked but he got out of Severus’ bed and got dressed as well. It was Monday again so he knew that after breakfast they would have Charms first and then Flying. James took the books he needed for Charms and put them in his bag. By that time all his roommates were ready so the five went together to the great hall, Lily was already in the great hall when they arrived but unlike the past days, Severus didn’t start talking to Lily when he sat down next to her.

Lily wanted to ask what was going on but Severus didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk. Lily then looked at the other four boys. She looked at Peter first because he sat across her but Peter was too focused on the food to notice so then her eyes went over to James and their eyes met because he was staring back at her.

“What did you do?” Lily asked.

“Nothing?” James asked in confusion.

“Really? I---” Lily tried but Severus spoke up and interrupted her. “He didn’t do anything, Lily.”

“Then what’s wrong?” Lily asked.

“Nothing. Just a bad dream.” Severus said and Lily believed his word so she left it at that. Lily didn’t know the extent of Severus’ abuse but she did know that Severus’ parents weren’t very loving or kind. Deep down she wondered how bad Severus’ relationship was with his parents but she didn’t want to assume that it was that bad that he got abused.

After breakfast they had Charms and during the class Severus seemed to be doing fine and during Flying class he did a little better than in his first Flying class. James was still confused that they didn’t really get to fly yet but Severus assured him yet again that the next class they would be flying.

During the break James went to get his books together with Remus and they promised to get Peter’s books too. On their way up to the Gryffindor dorms, Remus told a bit about his parents.

“My mom is a muggle and she’s a little odd but she’s very nice.” Remus smiled thinking about his mom.

“My parents are old.” James said. “You can’t just call your parents old, James.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“But they’re actually old. They got me really late.” James explained.

“Oh…so does that also mean you never met your grandparents?” Remus guessed.

“Yeah…” James nodded.

“What would Sirius’ parents be like, you think?” James then asked.

“I’m not sure if we can assume too much but he’s a Black so probably they’re very strict and I think they might be upset that he’s in Gryffindor.” Remus said.

“Why would they be upset by that?” James asked in confusion.

“Because the Black family is known to have been in Slytherin for so many generations. It’s like he broke tradition I suppose and a family as old fashioned like that would be very upset if a tradition is broken.” Remus explained.

“I think it’s stupid.” James said and they arrived in their room so James got his books as well as Peter’s.

Remus didn’t really replied to that but then brought up: “Why were you hugging Severus in his bed?”

“He was crying.” James said shortly.

“So you did what you think your mom would do?” Remus guessed.

“Yeah, how did you know?” James looked at him.

“My mom tends to do the same thing.” Remus smiled faintly.

“I’m worried about them.” James then admitted. Remus looked a bit confused as if he was asking who James was worried about.

“Sirius and Severus.” James said.

“Why’s that?” Remus asked but James shrugged. He didn’t know why he was worried about them. So as Remus was left without an answer, he decided to leave it at that for now and so they went on to their next class.

James kept his eyes on Sirius and Severus the whole time and so he got scolded by Professor McGonagall because he wasn’t paying attention but because he didn’t start paying attention afterwards, the professor gave him detention.

“How can you get detention in your second week already?” Severus sighed but didn’t wait for an answer and walked off with Lily and Remus.

‘Maybe I’m overthinking it.’ James thought.

But he couldn’t be more wrong…


	6. First year: First full moon and aftermath

Although James had been worried about Severus and Sirius for a while, he quickly had told himself it was probably nothing that was going on but the thing he missed was that Remus, one of his other roommates had been struggling with something.

Remus couldn’t tell anyone about his secret. His parents knew, the headmaster knew and Madam Pomfrey knew, maybe the professors too but no one else knew and Remus had to keep it like that. Remus couldn’t let his roommates or any other students find out. He especially didn’t want his roommates to find out because they were starting to feel like friends and the boy didn’t want to lose his only friends over this. So even though it meant he had to keep it for himself, it was the safest option in his opinion.

Remus actually needed to go in hiding tonight and he knew where he could hide but he wondered how he was going to sneak off without the guys noticing. James had detention so he wouldn’t notice immediately that he was gone and he didn’t think Sirius wouldn’t notice either. Remus worried more about Severus and Peter. Severus noticed his absence immediately and even though Peter was teased by other students for being ‘stupid’, when it came to his roommates, he quickly would notice if someone was not there. Remus wouldn’t be able to sneak off with them around so he had to come up with an excuse.

Saying that he would go to the library wouldn’t work because he knew that Severus would want to tag along. Going outside for a bit wouldn’t work either because then both Severus and Peter would want to tag along. Saying that he was going to the bathroom wouldn’t work because he knew that they’d wait for him to come back and if it took to long they’d check up on him.

So he had to be alone when he was going to sneak off.

After all classes and dinner, Remus sighed in relief when he saw Sirius go ahead on his own and Peter and Severus were occupied with talking to Lily on their way so Remus stayed behind a bit before he left off to the shrieking shack. The sun wasn’t setting yet but Remus wanted to go in time to the shrieking shack. The headmaster had told him about this place and told him that he could use this place during the full moon. It wasn’t the most ideal place to stay but it was better than staying in his dorm room during nights like this. After all he didn’t want to accidently kill the boys.

While Remus arrived at the shrieking shack, Severus and Peter arrived in their room. They only saw Sirius in their room and knowing that James was in detention they only wondered where Remus was.

“Maybe he’s in the library?” Sirius guessed.

“I’ll go and check.” Severus decided and he left off again.

Peter went to sit on his bed and looked at Sirius. “Isn’t it strange?” Peter asked.

“What is?” Sirius asked and he looked at the envelop he had in his hands. It was a letter he got from his parents. He had gotten it this morning but he hadn’t opened it just yet.

“That he went by himself without telling us.” Peter said.

“Is it really that strange?” Sirius didn’t think it was strange at all but he didn’t knew Remus that well yet.

“Maybe it isn’t. I don’t know.” Peter said nervously and then he noticed the envelop in Sirius’ hands.

“From who did you get a letter?” Peter asked.

“My parents.” Sirius looked at Peter.

“And you didn’t read it yet?” Peter asked and he was surprised when Sirius shook his head. “Why not?” Peter then asked.

“I don’t want to.” Sirius muttered and he put the envelop down.

“What if I read it for you?” Peter suggested.

Sirius frowned at first but after thinking about it, he agreed and handed the envelop to Peter. The chubbier boy opened it carefully before he looked over the letter. But as he noticed the contents of the letter, he refused to read it.

“Oh come on, weren’t you going to read it?” Sirius asked and he was about to snatch the letter back but Peter held the letter above his head.

“It’s terrible. You shouldn’t know what it’s written in it.” Peter said but Sirius got annoyed and got up and was able to snatch the letter back. As he read the letter though he wished he had believed Peter’s words because the contents of the letter were indeed terrible. His mother was the one who had written him and she was clearly disappointed and disgusted with Sirius just because he was in Gryffindor.

Sirius bit his lip and he crumbled the letter up and planned to throw it in the fire in the common room but Severus came in the room before he could. “What’s going on?” Severus asked.

“Nothing, I was going to burn this.” Sirius muttered and he held up the crumbled up letter and Severus was about to let him through but then Sirius noticed that Severus hadn’t brought Remus with him.

“Where’s Remus?” Sirius asked.

“He wasn’t in the library and I couldn’t find him anywhere else either.” Severus muttered.

Sirius thought a bit but then said Remus would definitely just show up later so they didn’t have to worry about it and then he left to the common room. Severus wasn’t sure at first but then just went to sit on his bed and talked a bit with Peter.

Sirius was back after a while and he joined their conversation. Later that evening James came back and he went straight to bed as he was exhausted after detention. Sirius was getting ready for bed and Peter already had fallen asleep. However Severus was not planning to go to bed just yet. He was staring through the window and he was looking at the full moon.

“He’ll be here soon, just go to bed, Severus.” Sirius said but Severus didn’t say anything back so Sirius sighed and just went to bed himself.

Severus stayed awake for a little longer but eventually got quite tired too so he went to bed too.

Remus however didn’t come back that night to the dorms so when the boys woke up the next morning and didn’t see Remus they first figured he already left for breakfast but James quickly noticed that Remus’ books for the morning classes were still in their room so the four boys looked at each other before they rushed to get dressed.

They left their dorm room and as soon they realised there was no sign of Remus in the common room either they left the Gryffindor towers and searched through the halls of Hogwarts for Remus. They couldn’t find him in the library or the great hall but they didn’t give up just yet.

“What about the lake?” Peter asked.

“No, we checked that already.” James tried to think where else they could go look for their roommate.

“The hospital wing?” Sirius asked.

“Why would he be in the hospital wing?” Severus asked.

“I don’t know, maybe he got sick last night and he didn’t want to bother us with it?” Sirius asked and even though the other boys didn’t seem convinced by it, the group of four went to check in the hospital wing.

Before Madam Pomfrey could ask them why they were there, Peter noticed Remus laying in one of the hospital beds, his chest and his arms covered in bandages. The other boys quickly noticed this as well and the quartet worryingly went over to the bed.

“What happened to him?” James whispered.

“Could you boys please leave?” Madam Pomfrey came over and decided to ask them friendly at first.

“He’s our friend!” James protested but Madam Pomfrey send them away anyway.

“How can she send us away like that?” James clearly was upset by the fact they were forced out of the hospital wing while Remus was covered in bandages.

“Because she’s doing her job and she doesn’t need four kids in her hospital wing.” Severus said calmly.

James still looked upset but he didn’t say anything about it and they went to the great hall together. They didn’t eat much and Lily noticed it immediately that they looked like they didn’t have much appetite and that Remus was missing.

“Where’s Remus?” She whispered.

“He’s sick, we can’t visit him.” Severus softly made up, not wanting Lily to know that Remus was severely hurt by whatever hurt him.

“Oh, poor Remus… will he be fine again soon?” Lily asked worriedly.

“Yes, he’s being taken off by the nurse in the hospital wing. He’ll be in class again before you know it.” Severus said softly.

Throughout the day, the four boys worried about their friend and while trying to pay attention in class, James came up with a brilliant idea.

“Severus, I thought of the best way to secretly meet Remus.” James whispered to him during History of Magic. The boy looked so excited and could hardly wait to tell Severus his plan.

“What’s the idea?” Severus asked a little sceptical.

“Well, I have this wicked invisibility cloak that I got from my dad last year and I brought it with me to Hogwarts. So I thought what if we use that and sneak into the Hospital wing at night.” James muttered.

“Why at night exactly?” Severus asked him and he checked if the Professor was still too busy with talking to notice that Severus and James weren’t exactly paying attention.

“Because then it’s less likely that we’ll get caught on our way there, in case the cloak falls off?” James asked but he wasn’t sure of what he said.

“The Professors and Prefects patrol the halls at night.” Severus informed softly.

“Okay then we go right before curfew?” James offered and Severus nodded to that.

“But uhm, James…we can’t all fit under that cloak, right?” Severus asked to be sure.

“I don’t think so but maybe we should decide later who goes… I think two people would be ideal and maybe tomorrow we can switch it up.” James said.

Severus looked confused for a bit but James explained that with Remus’ wounds he probably would spend more than just one or two nights in the hospital wing and Severus sadly nodded to that.

After History of Magic James and Severus explained the plan to Peter and Sirius.

“Then how do we decide who gets to go?” Sirius asked and Peter thought about playing a game first to decide it but then Severus argued it was a bit insensitive so they decided to go by alphabetic order from their last names which meant that Sirius and Peter would visit Remus tonight.

“I’ll give you guys the cloak later.” James said and so the boys went on to their next class.

Later before they went to the great hall for dinner, Professor McGonagall held them back.

“I normally wouldn’t allow this but your friend Mr. Lupin has requested to see you and Madam Pomfrey is allowing you to see him now if you can keep yourselves calm.” Professor McGonagall said and Sirius ran quickly into the great hall much to the other boys and the professors confusion. Though Sirius came back just as fast with a plate full of food in his one hand and in the other he was holding a fork and knife.

“Mr. Black, you can’t bring your food with you to the hospital wing.” Professor McGonagall said.

“This isn’t for me, Professor. This is for Remus.” Sirius said innocently and even though the professor initially wanted to insist that Sirius just couldn’t take the food with him, it warmed her heart a little that the boy had ran back in just to get food for his friend.

“If that’s the case, I’ll allow it.” Professor McGonagall said and she then guided the boys to the Hospital wing and when they arrived they quickly went over to Remus who was sitting up a little bit despite still being in a lot of pain.

“Did you really bring food with you?” Remus sighed.

“Yeah, it’s for you!” Sirius said and he sat down next to the bed while James and Peter sat down on the other side, Severus sat down next to Sirius.

“I can’t really lift my arms yet…” Remus muttered.

“T-then I’ll feed you.” Sirius said and was ready to feed Remus some mashed potatoes.

Remus chuckled softly despite the nightmare he went through the night before. “Thanks, Sirius.” He said with a small but genuine smile on his face.

“Don’t mention it!” Sirius pouted and he put some mashed potatoes in his mouth.

For now the boys wouldn’t ask what happened last night but they would definitely ask Remus another time. Now they were just glad that their friend seemed somewhat right since he was able to laugh.

“Tell me about what I missed in class.” Remus said to them.

“Uhm I can’t really help you with that.” Sirius gave in as he had his mind on Remus all day and James and Peter were guilty of that too but Severus could give a brief summary. “I’m sorry, I missed a lot too.” He apologised as he had been thinking about Remus a lot too today.

“You guys are crazy…” Remus said and all the boys looked a bit offended at first until Remus followed with: “And that’s why I’m glad you guys are my friends.”

“I don’t get it.” Peter said.

“Me neither.” James added.

“I love you guys.” Remus said softly.

“Eww no mate.” Sirius stuck out his tongue while James and Peter wrinkled their nose and their facial expressions cracked Severus up and for the first time ever in his life he started laughing.

The boys looked confused at first but then they started laughing too, until Madam Pomfrey of course told them to keep it quiet.

‘I’ve made some really nice friends.’ Severus thought to himself and he reminded himself to tell Lily about it later. He knew that she would be really happy about it too.


	7. First year: True friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat mentions of abuse, but not described.

“I swear he was laughing! Why would I lie about that?” Sirius asked Lily. It had been a few days since they had visited Remus and by now the boy was mostly healed up and was able to attend classes again. During their break the boys were sitting with Lily and Alice.

“Severus never laughs. I’ve known him before Hogwarts and I’ve never heard him laugh.” Lily said but then Severus himself confirmed he had laughed.

“Their faces were just too funny, Lily.” Severus said and although Lily found it hard to believe, she trusted that her friend didn’t lie.

“What happened to you actually?” Alice asked as she looked at Remus.

“I was very ill.” Remus said as Severus had told him that’s what he came up with when Lily asked him what was wrong with Remus. The scarred boy himself had told his friends that he had been attacked by a wild animal in the forbidden forest when he went there to look for some plants to use in a potion he wanted to try out. James, Peter and Sirius had believed him immediately but told him to not enter the forbidden forest anymore while Severus had doubts about Remus’ story at first.

However since Severus didn’t see how else Remus could have gotten such wounds, he believed the boy’s words after all.

“Take care of yourself better next time?” Alice advised and Remus nodded to that, not sure what else to do. He felt terrible for lying but unfortunately he had to. He had no other choice.

Soon conversation topic changed to various other things such as favourite candies and chocolate.

“I really like chocolate.” Remus then admitted.

“You do?” Lily asked.

“Yeah, so much so that you could almost say that I have an obsession with chocolate.” Remus said.

“Oh wow…” Sirius blinked in surprise. “What kind of chocolate do you prefer?” He added out of curiosity.

“Hmm, Honeydukes regular milk chocolate.” Remus said.

“Do you think we could get some?” James asked but Severus shook his head: “First years aren’t allowed to go to Hogsmeade.” Severus informed.

“That’s---” Sirius was about to curse but Severus put one of the Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour beans in his mouth before he could do so.

Immediately Sirius spit it back out. “Why do I always have the bad one’s?!” Sirius yelled.

“What was it this time?” Severus smirked a little and Sirius narrowed his eyes. “YOU!!” Sirius groaned and he jumped on top of Severus. Lily was worried at first but then she saw that Severus found it pretty entertaining since Sirius was just complaining and hitting Severus on the chest like a little child. Severus was not scared at all.

“Merlin, you suck at fighting, Sirius.” James laughed and Peter agreed with a little chuckle.

“Wait until I learn a hex or two.” Sirius said and he quickly got off Severus again.

“Now, was the bean really that bad?” Remus asked.

“Yes, it tasted like rotten eggs!” Sirius complained.

“Here, to cleanse your palette.” Severus offered him another bean but Sirius didn’t trust him this time.

“Anyone else?” Severus still held the bean out and Peter gladly took it out of Severus’ hand. “Hmm, it tastes like peach.” Peter said with a bright smile on his face which made Sirius groan.

“I offered it to you first but you didn’t take it.” Severus said and he put the box of jelly beans away. He had gotten them from James actually after the game they played the first night he stayed here. He would never been able to get these himself even though they were pretty cheap so he was thankful for the other Gryffindor for gifting them to him.

As it was time for classes again, the group got up and as everyone made their way to the castle, James held Severus back for a bit.

“What is it James?” Severus asked.

“Eat more.” James muttered.

“Excuse me?” Severus frowned.

“You’re so thin, I’m worried you’ll…” James tried but Severus quickly shut him down by saying that he was fine and James didn’t have to worry about him before he walked off.

‘Maybe I should eat more and try to gain some weight so he doesn’t think that I’m not fed at home.’ Severus thought to himself. Even though that to some extent James’ worries were justified, Severus didn’t want him to worry over something that didn’t had anything to do with him.

Weeks passed by and through all the classes, dinners and hang outs at the lake the five boys became better friends even though they still had quite some secrets for each other. Weeks turned into months and by November the quintet became a tight group. They didn’t only just share a room, classes and sat with each other during each meal, they also studied together or at least Remus and Severus did. But the five of them definitely started pulling pranks on fellow first years. The pranks were nothing harmful but they still greatly enjoyed the students that were involved as well as the professors who had to deal with the aftermath.

The little group got into detention from time to time because of some of these pranks but they just got closer because of it.

What teared them to shreds every time is that they had to witness Remus getting all wounded two more times and initially as Remus came up with an excuse every time the boys didn’t suspect anything but as the next month came by as everyone seemed to be excited for their winter break, Severus had been busy with trying to figure out what was wrong with Remus.

But once he thought he was close, the break was there and he was forced to leave it after the break.

As everyone said their goodbyes to each other, Severus’ smile disappeared completely once he had said goodbye to not only his four friends but also to his best friend Lily. He knew that this break was going to be horrible.

The break passed pretty quickly for everyone except for Sirius and Severus it seemed. When they arrived back at Hogwarts, Sirius looked pretty down and Severus was glad it was winter and that it was so cold outside because it meant he didn’t have to come up with an excuse for why he covered up so much of his body.

“Why are you guys moping around like that?” James asked as he entered their room with the brightest smile on his face.

“Well not everyone’s Christmas is the best thing that ever happened to them.” Sirius said and he put away his stuff quickly before he took off his scarf and then his coat.

Remus came in and he seemed to be doing fine and even though he wasn’t so happy go lucky as James, he was pretty satisfied with how his break went. Peter came in right after him and he looked pretty happy too.

As everyone started taking their coats, scarfs and mittens off while they were talking, Severus sat on his bed but he hadn’t taken his old dusty coat off, neither the scarf he got from Lily. He was also hiding his hands in his sleeves and said not a single word and for a while the other boys hadn’t noticed until they did.

“Where’s the sarcastic remark, Severus?” Sirius asked but as he got no answer he looked at the other boys and they became silent.

That’s when James slowly walked over to Severus and as he went to stand in front of him he noticed that Severus was crying without making a noise.

“Severus, what’s wrong?” James asked and his question worried the other boys but James waved them away as if saying that they shouldn’t come to him all at once because that could be overwhelming.

Remus took the hint and so took Peter and Sirius with them out of their room. That’s when Severus took off his scarf slowly and James wanted to ask first why he was suddenly doing that but he didn’t have to ask because he saw the bruises in his neck already. James knew that if he already could see some of them with just Severus’ scarf off, it probably meant that there were many more under his clothes.

“You have to go to the hospital wing.” James demanded and Severus tried to protest but James shut him up. “I don’t take no for an answer.” James said stubbornly and James took the scarf, wrapped it gently around Severus’ neck, then took his hand and pulled him along out of their room.

“I’m going to the hospital wing.” He softly said to the other boys as he passed by them. “Stay here.” He quickly added before he left.

Once Severus was being taken care off in the Hospital wing, James insisted to stay with him and Severus thanked him before he gave the other a sad smile. He was truly thankful but he still wasn’t sure or he should tell James or anyone else about what happened and what been happening for years so he said nothing for now.


	8. First year: The Marauders

Severus was left alone for a while and was being taken care off by the nurse. Afterwards he saw James come back with Peter, Remus and Sirius as well as a ton of gifts. James put the gifts next to Severus’ bed and then told his friends: “I know Christmas is over by now but I got some gifts for all of you.”

Severus was surprised and the other three boys were happy and surprised too.

“What’s with the surprised faces?” James asked.

“We didn’t think you’d get us a present, James.” Remus said and James just smiled at him and the other boys.

“Of course I’d buy you something, you guys are my friends.” James told and he took some candy out first. He gave the candy to Peter who certainly happy with it. “Thanks, James.” Peter said and James then gave Sirius his present which was a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour beans.

“Mate, why are you giving me this?” Sirius frowned.

“Because maybe if you have the entire box and not just what Severus gives you, you might get to taste some nice ones.” James said.

“Thanks…” Sirius said sarcastically.

James then got out a thick heavy book and three packages of Honeydukes milk chocolate. He gave the chocolate to Remus who was very happy with it and then he gifted the last present, the heavy book to Severus who was a little confused.

“This is a…” Severus looked at the title.

“It’s an advanced potions book and even though we’re in first year, I know you would be able to make some of these.” James said.

Severus looked through the book and then teared up a little which worried James a bit.

“Is it that bad of a gift?” James asked.

“No, it’s just…aside of that scarf that I got from Lily, this is the best present I’ve ever received.” Severus admitted.

“What about the things you got from your parents?” Peter asked.

“I didn’t get anything.” Severus whispered.

“Merlin, even I received a gift. Although they honestly were terrible gifts but at least I got something…” Sirius said and Severus hid his face.

The boys looked at each other and decided to not ask the obvious question. “Severus, read the book okay? We’ll see you tomorrow.” Remus said and Severus looked up at that.

“It’ll be okay, read the book and then get some rest.” James said and soon after the four boys left, leaving Severus in the hospital wing.

Severus took a deep breath before he looked through the book a bit. Some of the potions looked a bit difficult for the eleven year old but some others didn’t and Severus thought about trying those sometime.

He didn’t have the ingredients for the potions he wanted to make so he probably had to steal those from the Potions classroom and maybe from the greenhouses as well.

After some time he closed the book and put it aside before he laid down in the hospital bed and tried to fall asleep. Severus couldn’t sleep though and ended up thinking about his friends. ‘They looked so worried.’ Severus thought.

“Pssh…” Someone whispered and that made Severus look around but as he didn’t see anything he thought it was his imagination.

“Hey, Severus…” the voice whispered now but Severus still couldn’t see anything. ‘Great, I’m going crazy.’ he thought.

That’s when he suddenly saw James next to his bed, still half covered by the invisibility cloak.

“Bloody merlin, James…don’t ever do that again…” Severus whispered and he looked spooked.

“Sorry, I… I just wanted to make sure you’re alright and uhm there’s something I wanted to give you as well.” James whispered.

“I’m being taken care off really well.” Severus said but James found it hard to believe that Severus was really alright now.

“And James, you already gave me something. Why would you want to give me something again? You gave me the book already.” Severus said.

“I know I gave you the book already but I had something else for you that I didn’t really want to give in front of the others.” James said.

“Why wouldn’t you want the others to see it?” Severus asked in confusion.

“Because Sirius would laugh, maybe Peter too and Remus would maybe not understand why I’m giving it to you and I just thought it’d be kind of embarrassing for you as well to receive it in front of everyone.” James tried to explain.

“I don’t see what could be so embarrassing that you wouldn’t want the others here unless you’re going to kiss me.” Severus joked softly.

“No, I’m not but I’m happy to hear you can crack a joke, Severus.” James said and then he put the cloak down on the bed before he put the present on the bed. It was a lion plushie. It wasn’t too small or too big, it was the perfect size to hold and hug and it was very soft.

“James…?” Severus looked a bit confused at the plushie but James didn’t say anything.

“Why did you take your plushie with you?” Severus asked.

“It’s not mine, I bought this for you. This is the gift.” James said and he took the plushie before putting it into Severus’ hands.

“This is really for me?” Severus asked and James nodded.

“You don’t like it?” James asked. “I didn’t know which animal you liked and so I went with the traditional Gryffindor lion.” James added but Severus smiled a bit.

“I really like it James but I never thought I’d get this from you or from anyone else…” Severus said softly and he looked at the plushie in his hands. “It’s very soft.” He commented.

“Well I don’t know what’s going on with you at home but even before I saw you like this, I figured you might want something to hug at night and please don’t tell the guys you got it from me but this is yours from now on and it always will be yours.” James said.

Severus looked back up at James. “You want to know right?” Severus then asked.

James knew immediately what he meant and he nodded. “But you don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to.” James said and he meant it. Either way he would send a letter to his parents, thinking they could help more in this situation. James knew that his parents were very loving and kind but James still wanted his parents’ approval before he brought Severus over to perhaps stay with them during breaks.

“My dad doesn’t like magic.” Severus started. “He’s a muggle but that’s not the bad thing. Lily’s parents are both muggles and they are very proud of her but my dad hates magic and everything related to it. He…” Severus tried to tell James about what his dad would do but James didn’t let him.

“Don’t tell me.” James whispered.

“Why not? You want to know right?” Severus asked in confusion.

“Yes I want to know but I feel like I already know enough and I don’t need you to dig up those memories just to tell me.” James muttered.

Severus still didn’t get it and James just brushed Severus’ hair back and sadly smiled at him. “I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this.” James whispered before he took his cloak again.

“I see you tomorrow, Severus.” James said softly and he covered himself with the cloak and then left again.

James still didn’t went to bed yet when he was in his room. Instead he grabbed some parchment and wrote:

**_Mom and dad,_ **

**_I’m sorry for spending all my Christmas money on gifts for my friends but I really wanted to give them some stuff. Besides some of them really needed the stuff I gave them. But that’s not why I’m writing you. I’m writing you to ask if I could bring a friend over for the next break._ **

**_I hope you say yes, since this friend really needs it. I’m afraid he’s being hurt by his parents. He came back from his break covered in bruises and he was crying. He also looks worryingly thin. Please mom and dad, think about it. It would mean a lot if you allowed him to stay sometime._ **

**_-James_ **

James looked over the letter once more before he folded it and put it in an envelope. Then he put his under his pillow. He would bring it to the owlery tomorrow first thing in the morning. James laid down and sighed a bit. “I’ll save you, Severus.” he whispered to himself and then fell asleep because he was exhausted.

The next morning after getting dressed James immediately to the owlery and gave the envelope to his owl and when he saw it fly off, he left to the great hall.

“Shall we visit Severus just before class?” Sirius suggested but Remus shook his head. “No, we would be late for class and Severus wouldn’t want that.” Remus said.

“Then we go in our break?” Peter asked and that’s when Lily heard their conversation.

“Where’s Severus?” She asked.

“In the hospital wing, you didn’t know?” Sirius frowned.

“No! And don’t give me that look, Black!” Lily got upset and she quickly left the table.

“Drama queen.” Sirius rolled his eyes when she was out of sight.

“No, Sirius, you didn’t have to look at her like that. How could she know that he’s in the hospital wing if no one told her? It’s not like she can smell it.” Remus said.

Sirius groaned and continued to eat and then James joined the three others at the table as he sat down next to Sirius.

“You look very tired, James. Have you slept enough?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just visit Severus in our first break.” James said and he grabbed some toast. The other boys agreed and after breakfast they went to class.

On their way Peter suddenly said: “Why don’t we name our little group?”

“What little group?” Sirius asked with a frown.

“Us and Severus. The five of us.” Peter explained.

“Sirius and the others.” Sirius suggested with a grin but the other three boys frowned.

“No, definitely not.” James said.

“Not James and the other’s either, Mr. James Potter.” Sirius lifted his head up.

“Hmm, what about the Marauders?” Remus asked when they arrived in the classroom.

The boys looked at each other and then at Remus before James said they should wait with deciding on the name until they went to visit Severus.

“Yeah we should ask him if he likes the name too.” Peter agreed.

“Now let’s pay attention in class or else Severus will hex us.” Sirius joked.

“And else I will.” Remus smirked at the other boys.

In their break they went to visit Severus in the hospital wing and as they arrived, they saw the boy sitting up in bed with the book in opened on his lap.

“Even in a hospital bed, he studies.” Sirius said as they arrived by his bed.

“Oh you’re visiting me?” Severus asked.

“Of course we’re visiting you.” Peter said.

“We wanted to ask you something actually.” James said and after he got a nod from Severus, he asked: “What do you think about the ‘Marauders’ as a name?”

“For what exactly?” Severus asked and he closed the book.

“For the five of us together as a group of friends?” Peter said and Severus seemed to be thinking at first but then he smiled.

“I like it.” Severus said.

“Do we group hug now?” Sirius asked with a frown.

“No, we don’t need to.” James said, knowing that Sirius didn’t really like hugs.

“But I’d like a group hug.” Peter looked disappointed.

James looked at Remus and then Severus and as they agreed to it, James hugged Severus first before Remus and Peter joined.

Sirius watched them with a frown on his face but then decided to join the hug anyway. “You guys are so weird.” Sirius said.

“So are you, Sirius.” Remus said.

“I’m not.” Sirius huffed.

“You totally are.” Severus chuckled a bit.

“Is Lily going to be jealous now?” James asked with a smirk.

“No, not at all.” Severus shook his head and he chuckled again.


	9. First year: Remus' secret

That evening during dinner James had gotten a letter back from his parents. He opened the envelope while his friends were busy with eating.

**_James,_ **

**_We aren’t upset by you spending all your money on presents for your friends. Actually me and your mom are happy you spend it on things for people you care about instead of spending it on stuff for yourself._ **

**_We are taking your worries about your friend seriously and we talked about it. However you should ask your friend first before you take them to stay with us during the break. You might think they need it and you’re right about it but you should ask them first either way. Send us a letter back when you have an answer._ **

**_-Dad_ **

****

****

“Lily, you’re not jealous right?” Severus asked softly. A few days had passed since Severus left the hospital wing and Severus told Lily about the marauder thing.

“No, but I’m still your friend right?” Lily asked as she followed Severus as they were walking through the library.

“You’re my best friend, Lily. No one could ever replace you.” Severus said and as he thought he had found the section he was looking for, he started looking at the books that were in that section.

“Good to know. Now, what are you looking for?” Lily asked.

“Nothing in particular.” Severus said and he grabbed a few books on magical creatures. “We don’t have Care of Magical Creatures yet, so why do you…” Lily noticed the books Severus was getting.

“I like to learn.” Severus said, even though it was partly true, it was also to see if he could find the thing that was hurting Remus every month.

“Can you help me later with an assignment?” Lily asked.

“Of course.” Severus smiled at her and he went to sit down with a couple of books at a table. Lily joined him for a while but after some time she left but she and Severus promised to meet up later so he could help her with her assignment.

Severus opened the first book and he looked through he book but he couldn’t really find anything that could have hurt Remus every month at night so he went on to the second book and then the third book and after finishing the third book, Severus sighed. “Why can’t I find anything?” he whispered to himself before he starting thinking a bit.

Remus was hurt every month and each time his wounds looked as if they were caused by some kind of wild animal but Severus knew that Remus wouldn’t just keep coming across wild animals each month and get hurt. Severus then thought a little bit further. He tried to think if there was something special about those nights that Remus disappeared and then showed up wounded in the hospital wing the next day.

Severus couldn’t think of something for a while until he remembered the first night that Remus had disappeared that Severus had been looking at the full moon. That made him get up and he checked out the books he had taken before as he knew he would need this books if he was right about what he was thinking.

He went to look for Peter and asked if he had a calendar.

“Yeah one with that has another nice image every month, why?” Peter asked as he as he just came from the bathroom.

“I need to check something, where do you put your calendar?” Severus asked.

“Next to my bed.” Peter said.

“Thanks, Pete.” Severus said and he walked off to get to their dorm room. As he went there he looked for Peter’s calendar and went back to November. He then noticed that Peter made notes on his calendar and that the little boy happened to have written which night Remus got missing in November. On that day a full moon symbol stood under the day number. Severus checked back on October and September to be sure and he saw the same exact thing in both months.

Severus then opened one of the books in a rush and he looked at the chapter on werewolves. He read everything in that book and to make sure he didn’t miss anything he looked into the other two books as well.

Afterwards he put the calendar back and closed the books before he went to look for the boys. He had to find a way to talk to Sirius, Peter and James without Remus being there because he didn’t want to confront him with it before the other boys knew about it. Severus found the boys but seeing they were playing around in the snow he decided to go help out Lily first and then later he would tell them.

Severus helped Lily out with her assignment although in Severus’ opinion she was doing just fine on her own. “You’ve got this, Lily. You honestly don’t need my help.” Severus said.

“Really?” Lily asked.

“Yeah, if I don’t watch out, you’ll become better at this than me.” Severus smiled.

“Oh shut it, Sev. That’s never going to happen.” Lily rolled her eyes but then she chuckled.

“Who knows?” Severus asked.

Later after dinner, Remus said he went to the library but he didn’t want the other boys to wait for him so Severus took this as a chance. As soon they were in their dorm, Severus said he had to talk about something important.

“Hmm? Are you going to confess that I’m better at Charms than you?” Sirius asked.

“No, you’re not. But this has nothing to do with classes. It’s about Remus’ disappearances and his wounds.” Severus said.

The three other boys looked at Severus and James asked what he thought was going on.

“Remus goes missing every single month, right?” Severus asked.

“Yeah?” the boys answered.

“I went to check Peter’s calendar and it appeared that Peter wrote down every time Remus went missing. Now I noticed that Peter’s calendar shows when the moon is half or full that particular night and each time Remus was missing, it was a full moon that night.” Severus said.

Peter and Sirius didn’t get it at first and James was also pretty much confused.

“What creature is told to turn at the full moon? Even in muggle literature?” Severus asked them.

“Werewolves?” Peter asked.

“Wait, you think Remus is being attacked by a werewolf each time?” Sirius asked.

“No, I think he is the werewolf. I’m almost completely sure of it but we need to make sure by asking Remus.” Severus said.

“What if he is a werewolf? What do we do? Is there a cure?” James asked.

“I’m not sure what we should do but we should not tell anyone else his secret. There’s a lot of bad laws against werewolves in the Wizarding world and he has little to no rights comparing to normal wizards. The reason he’s here at Hogwarts is probably because the headmaster knows but decided that he still deserves this education.” Severus said and then he looked down. “Also, there’s no cure… there is a potion that might take away a lot of pain of the transformation and gives him more control over his body during the time he’s a werewolf. But the problem is that this potion is not only hard to make but it’s ingredients are also very expensive and he needs to take it regularly.” Severus told.

The boys looked down and before any of them could say anything back, Remus entered the room.

Severus looked a bit nervous now, not sure how he had to ask the question.

“Guys, you look so tense, what’s going on?” Remus asked worriedly as he looked at his friends.

“Remus, can we ask you something?” James asked.

“Yeah…?” Remus looked a bit confused.

“Please answer honestly. Are you… a werewolf?” Sirius asked and Remus’ face got as pale as their white bedsheets.

“This isn’t going to change anything between us, mate. We won’t tell anyone and it’s not like you won’t be our friend anymore.” Sirius said.

“Yeah, you’ll still be our friend.” Peter said and Severus and James nodded.

Remus still didn’t say anything and he looked down.

“Remus?” Severus asked.

“Y-yes.” Remus muttered. “But you can’t do anything about it…I’m sorry.” Remus said softly and he looked down.

“We know, Severus just told us but that doesn’t mean we won’t try to do something. There might be nothing we can do to stop you from transforming but what we can do is make sure no one finds out and we’ll always be there if you need us afterwards.” James said.

“Yeah, we’ll always be at your bedside the morning after.” Sirius said.

“And Sirius probably will feed you each time.” Peter added.

“Because that’s what real friends do, Remus.” Severus said softly.

“Who said I’m going to feed him?” Sirius asked with a frown.

“You totally would.” Severus chuckled and then Remus attacked Severus first with a hug.

“Are we group hugging again?” Peter asked excitedly before he hugged Severus and Remus and James quickly joined them.

“Please don’t make this a thing in front of other students.” Sirius muttered and he joined the hug as last.

“Of course not, Mr. Manly Sirius.” Severus joked and everyone but Sirius laughed.

“You guys…” Sirius groaned but then smiled a bit as well.


	10. First year: Severus goes to the Potters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of this chapter doesn't cover Severus going to the Potter's house but it continues in the next two chapters.

“I know it’s all of sudden but I wanted to ask if you wanted to stay over at my place during the next break?” James asked the smaller, straight haired boy.

“Why would you want me over?” Severus asked as they were walking through the hall on their way to get Sirius, Peter and Remus from the library. Remus was helping them with their assignment but since James already made his, Severus didn’t really need to help him.

“Because you’re my friend and I’m worried what would happen if you went home in your next break.” James said.

“The next break is just the a week or two so I could stay here.” Severus said softly.

“All alone? The other guys are going home and from what I heard Lily isn’t staying here either.” James looked at him.

“Look, James I appreciate the offer but I don’t want to be a bother to you and your parents…” Severus made up.

“You’re not a bother to me and my parents would love to have you over.” James said and he held Severus back as he stopped walking.

“What? You asked your parents?” Severus asked with a slight frown.

“Yes and they said you could come any time as long as I asked you first. So I’m asking you now.” James said softly. “You’re angry at me for doing this?” James then asked in confusion as he saw the frown.

“No, I’m not angry but I just don’t get it why you would go through all that trouble…” Severus muttered and he looked down.

“Mate, I’d do anything for you to be at a safer place and although I thought first of asking Lily to have you over at her house, I remembered you live in the same neighbourhood so I thought it wouldn’t be the best option.” James told.

“My parents are a bit on the older side but they’re really sweet a—” James continued but he got interrupted by Severus who said: “Yes. I’ll go with you to your place in our next break.”

James smiled at that and so they continued their walk. “I’ll have to write my parents as quick as possible then.” He said.

“James?” Severus asked.

“Yeah?” James fixed his glasses and looked up.

“Thank you.” Severus smiled faintly at him and for a moment James felt something strange. It was a feeling that he couldn’t quite place but he quickly shook it off and just smiled back at Severus.

Later when everyone but James was in their bed, James was writing his parents again.

**_Mom and dad_ **

**_I’ve asked my friend and he will be coming over for the next break. If it’s not too much to ask, could you give him some of my clothes or go shopping with him? The clothes he wears are all old and some of them are barely wearable. But don’t tell him I told you that, please?_ **

**_~~I love you, mom and dad.~~ _ ** **_Thank you, mom and dad for allowing him to come over. You’re the best._ **

**_-James_ **

James checked the letter and then crossed the ‘I love you, mom and dad’ before he folded the parchment and put it in an envelope. He then put it under his pillow as he would send it tomorrow morning. He then took off his glasses and wanted to finally get some sleep but before he could he was poked against his shoulder with a wand. It startled him and he looked up.

“I’m sorry, I… uhm, there’s something I wanted to give you and I forgot.” He heard Severus’ soft voice.

James rubbed his eyes a bit and yawned. “What is it?” James asked sleepily and as Severus sat down on James bed he apologised again.

“I’m sorry for doing this while you clearly need sleep but here…” Severus put a dark red note book on James’ lap but James still couldn’t tell what it really was.

“What is it?” James asked him.

“It’s a notebook but if you put a password spell on it could also become a diary or journal if you want it to be.” Severus said.

“And why are you giving me this? My birthday is in March, it’s January.” James said sleepily.

“T-this is a late Christmas present as well as a thank you present.” Severus said softly.

“How did you manage to get this?” James asked softly.

“I saved up some money.” Severus muttered in embarrassment as this book was pretty cheap but it’s not that what made James wonder how that Severus would have gotten this book.

“No. It’s more like, how did you get to Hogsmeade to buy something without getting caught?” James asked.

“I’m… good at sneaking out.” Severus said softly.

“Teach me.” James joked and then smiled. “Thank you, you really didn’t have to but I’ll make sure to make good use of this.” James promised.

“I’m glad you like it, now I’ll leave you to get some sleep.” Severus said and he left off. James yawned again, put the book away before laying down in bed and quickly falling asleep.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Sirius screamed first thing in the morning and that woke all the marauders except for Peter who slept through it as if nothing happened.

“Merlin, what’s the yelling for first thing in the morning?” James groaned.

Sirius was sitting up in bed and looked very distressed. “I’m sorry…I woke up from a nightmare…” He admitted.

“Dare I ask what it was about?” Severus asked but Sirius looked at him. His eyes were narrowed and he couldn’t really find any fun in Severus’ question now, neither did he get that it was rather a question out of curiosity or worry instead of one of those sarcastic remarks Severus sometimes gave.

“Just shut up, annoying git.” Sirius said before he quickly got ready and left the dorm room.

Severus looked down, although he was surprised that Sirius reacted like that, it didn’t surprise the boy that he got called a ‘git’. He got called way worse things by his parents, especially by his dad.

“Severus, he didn’t mean that, you know that right?” Remus asked but Severus didn’t reply and got ready quickly as well and when he left, Peter finally woke up.

“Where’s Sirius and Severus?” the boy asked as he noticed both black haired boys were gone.

Instead of getting an answer, James sighed and left as soon as he got ready.

“I can’t believe you actually slept through that but now I wish I did.” Remus said as he got out of bed.

“Slept through what?” Peter asked in confusion.

“Sirius called Severus a git after misunderstanding Severus’ question.” Remus told.

“Severus will be okay right?” Peter asked.

“I’m sure he will. Besides I don’t think Sirius meant that.” Remus said and he was sure that Sirius didn’t meant that. It just had been a big misunderstanding so it slipped out without a second thought.

Sirius on the other hand who was storming through the halls on his way to the great hall suddenly stopped and cursed to himself. He was angry with himself for suddenly saying that to one of his friends. One of the friends who probably was used to hearing such things but that didn’t mean it made anything better. It probably made it even worse. ‘I’m starting to look like my parents.’ he thought to himself for a moment but then he shook his head. He wasn’t anything like them at all. They hated everyone who wasn’t pureblood and purebloods that mingled with anyone who wasn’t pureblood. They also hated muggles and they thought the Slytherin house was the only acceptable house. That’s why Sirius got shunned at home for being in Gryffindor. That’s why Regulus now hated Sirius because now there was put even more pressure on Regulus. They expected even more than before.

Sirius and his brother used to get along to some degree but this had driven them apart. Sirius had been looking forward before to having his little brother at Hogwarts but now he didn’t care anymore because it wouldn’t matter. Regulus couldn’t look him in the eye anymore. He absolutely despised Sirius now.

Sirius groaned again and wanted to resume his walk to the great hall but someone bumped up against him from the back.

“For Merlin’s sake watch out!” Sirius yelled but when he looked back he immediately regretted his words. It was Severus who had bumped up against him.

“I’m sorry!” Severus yelled back before he tried running off but he couldn’t as Sirius held him back.

“No, I’m sorry okay. I didn’t mean to react like that and I didn’t meant what I said this morning either.” Sirius said.

“I should have worded things differently.” Severus muttered.

“No, I overreacted. It’s fine Severus.” Sirius said but instead of a hug which James probably would give to Severus, Sirius patted Severus’ shoulder.

“I’m not going to hug you. I’m not James.” Sirius said.

“Believe me, I’m actually glad. James’ hugs are so tight sometimes.” Severus admitted.

“And I thought I was the only one who thought that.” Sirius chuckled a bit.

“Nope. Anyway, let’s go to the great hall before they catch up with us and think we have something going on.” Severus joked and Sirius laughed a little to that.

“Mate, I’m happy that I got sorted into this house.” Sirius admitted.

“Same.” Severus smiled. He always been glad he was in the same house as Lily and he was happy for this awesome group of friends but now he saw that it would have been so different if he hadn’t been in Gryffindor. He just knew that he wouldn’t have these friends if he had been in Slytherin and it was sad to think about but Severus didn’t have to worry about that.

At the end of the day James had received a letter back from his parents saying that they were glad to have James’ friend over in the next break and they would look into the clothing thing. James immediately told Severus about it but left the thing about the clothes out as he didn’t want him to know about that.

The upcoming months quickly passed much to the marauders’ dismay but the school year wasn’t just over yet.

“After our Easter break we’ll have to study.” Remus brought up as they were ready to say their temporary goodbyes to each other.

“Whyyyy?” Sirius complained.

“Because we will have exams coming up.” Severus simply explained.

“Will I be able to pass?” Peter asked.

“You’ll pass, Peter. Don’t even worry about it.” Lily assured. “If you need any help, I’m sure any of your friends will be there to help you and if not, I’ll still be there.” Lily smiled.

Peter nodded shyly and slowly the kids parted ways after saying goodbye to each other.

James and Severus were picked up by Mr. Potter as last and on their way to Godric’s Hollow where the Potters lived, James warned Severus that his mother loved hugs.

“So she’s a lot like you then?” Severus asked.

“Oh come on, Severus.” James sighed. He had heard the joke that he loved to hug from the guys quite a few times now and he didn’t found it very funny at this point.

“Sirius started it.” Severus huffed.

“Okay yeah, he did.” James nodded.

Once they arrived Severus introduced himself to both parents and just like James had warned, his mother Euphemia Potter hugged Severus. But unlike her son, she hugged the boy very gently as if she was scared to break him. When she let him go she asked her son to lead Severus to the guest room.

“I’ll make some tea for the both of you.” Euphemia said and she went to the kitchen while Severus followed James through the house.

The house looked very cosy and welcoming. It wasn’t as big as Severus had imagined a pureblood family’s house to be but the house had a big living room, a nice kitchen, two bathrooms and four bedrooms. Two of them were guest bedrooms and even the guest bedroom look so much nicer than Severus’ bedroom at home.

The bed was a double one and it had red comfortable looking covers and pillows. The closet was in hardwood and it was so big that Severus wondered how many clothes you could fit in it. The bed had a little night table with a lamp on it and enough place for some small belongings.

There was also a desk and a chair in the room and Severus thought he could use that for whenever he wanted to study.

“It’s not much but uhm… it’s nice enough right?” James asked, comparing this room to his own, this room was pretty bare but Severus frowned at his comment.

“This isn’t much?” Severus asked in shock.

“It’s perfect. This is what I would like my room at home to be like.” Severus said.

“Really?” James asked and he looked at the room once more.

“Maybe I would add some books?” Severus asked.

“You and books. Don’t you dare to study the whole break okay?” James sighed and he took Severus’ stuff, put it down in the room and got him out of the room. “Let’s go play outside for a while?” James then offered.

Severus felt unsure at first but then he nodded and followed James to wherever he went. This was going to be his best break ever.


	11. First year: Severus goes to the Potters (part 2)

Severus had a fun time outside playing with James. All of the little boy’s worries seemed to have washed away for now thanks to the bespectacled boy. Severus started laughing a bit as he laid down in the grass, a little bit tired of all the running and playing around. James soon joined him and looked up at the sky with him.

“Can we just never have our exams?” James asked and Severus chuckled.

“Do you want to be stuck in first year forever?” Severus asked and James immediately said ‘no’ to that.

“I thought so. Next year you are allowed your own broom and you would be allowed to try out for the Quidditch team as well.” Severus informed.

“I’m definitely am going to make the team. Will you try out as well, Severus?” James asked.

“No. Although I’ve got the basics covered when it comes to Flying. I’m not really into Quidditch and I don’t have that much stamina either.” Severus told.

“Hmm, then you must become the best potion master out there.” James said.

“I’m only 12.” Severus said. “There’s no way I can be the best already.” He added.

“Wait, you’re 12? When was your birthday?” James looked at him.

“January 9th.” Severus admitted softly.

“What? But…” James sat up.

“James, not even Lily knows. I don’t tell anyone my birthday.” Severus sat up as well.

“But why not? Everyone deserves their birthday to be celebrated, well except some evil people out there but you, Severus, you definitely deserved a nice cake and a wicked party…and…and…” James started rambling and Severus realised James was right but unfortunately he knew why he hadn’t got the concept up until now. It was because of his parents but Severus was scared that James would feel pity for him if he told about his parents not caring about his birthday at all.

“It’s too late now.” Severus shook his head.

“Maybe this year yes but I’ll be throw you the best party from next year on, you hear me?” James asked him and poked Severus’ nose and that confused the other boy.

“I was told that I hug you guys too much so yeah…” James crossed his arms.

“It’s fine, James. That was just a joke.” Severus chuckled.

Then James’ mom called them for dinner so James got up first and Severus followed. As they got back inside, Severus was welcomed by the smell of Euphemia Potter’s home cooking and when Severus sat down with the family at the dinner table, he quickly found out that it tasted just as good as it smelled.

After dinner he offered to help James’ mom out with cleaning up but she said he didn’t have to so James pulled him along with him to his room. He showed Severus his bedroom which was slightly bigger than the guest room. It also had the double bed with red bedsheets and the pillows but on top of the bedsheets there was a cosy blanket with golden snitches on them. On the walls were several Quidditch posters. Above James’ desk there was a little shelf with some Quidditch books and some family pictures. James’ closet was just as big as the one in the guest room and the boy claimed that it was actually completely full.

“But it’s so big.” Severus said.

“I have a lot of clothes though, although maybe some might be too small…” James said and then he thought of something and opened his closet.

Severus just watched James when the boy was looking through his closet, seemingly looking for something. Then James pulled out a red shirt that was a little bit small on him but James guessed it might fit Severus instead.

“Hey, Severus. Why don’t you try this shirt on?” James asked.

“Huh? Now?” Severus asked.

“Yeah.” James threw the shirt at him and it directly landed in Severus’ face, who pulled it down. “Why?” Severus asked.

“Just try it?” James sighed and Severus hesitated at first but then he took his current shirt out which was old and actually smelled a bit weird. Severus let the shirt fall on the floor before he put the red shirt from James on.

It might have been a bit small for James at this point but for Severus it fit perfectly.

“It fits.” James noticed.

“Yeah…” Severus said and he was about to take it off again but James then said he could keep it on.

“But…” Severus tried to argue. “Keep it on, it’s yours now? It doesn’t fit me anymore anyway.” James said.

Severus then looked at the shirt down on the floor before looking back at the shirt he was wearing.

“I’m not sure if you want to keep that shirt but if you don’t, we can get rid of it.” James said.

“I don’t have many other shirts…” Severus admitted.

“Don’t worry about that, Severus. We can get you new one’s or I can give you some of mine that don’t fit me anymore.” James said.

“We?” Severus asked in confusion.

“Me and my parents.” James rubbed the back of his neck and then admitted he told his parents about his worries about Severus.

“You’re way too kind, James.” Severus sighed and then he picked up the old shirt from the floor.

“Maybe I am or maybe I’m just being a decent human being.” James said and then he looked at the old shirt as well.

“Can you get rid of it?” Severus asked and he held it out to James.

“Sure I can.” James said and he took the shirt from him and before he walked out of his room. As Severus was alone in James’ room, he looked around a bit and then he went to sit on James’ bed. The boy was surprised by how comfortable the bed was. Even though the beds at Hogwarts were relatively comfortable, it was nothing compared to James’ bed. The mattress had the right firmness and the bedsheets and the blanket as well as the pillows were very comfortable and on top of that, the bed was quite spacious too.

Severus allowed himself to lay down on the bed and he spread his arms on the bed before he sighed softly. ‘He really has a nice bed, a nice room…a nice house.’ Severus thought to himself. James had everything the little boy wanted. A lovely family, a nice house, no worries about money or worries about magic in the house. Then the realisation hid Severus again. This was not his and it never would be his. He probably would end up the same as his mom but then all by himself.

Once he would finish Hogwarts, all his friends move on and have their own perfect little families and he would be left alone.

“Severus, do you like my bed that much?” James asked as he came back in and saw Severus laying on his bed.

Severus immediately sat up though and apologised. “No need to say sorry, I just asked you if you liked my bed that much?” James asked and he sat down next to Severus on his bed.

“It’s very comfy so… yes.” Severus said.

“Hmm, it is very comfy yeah.” Severus whispered.

“Say, Severus. I was wondering, Lily is your best friend right?” James asked.

“Yeah, what about it?” Severus asked.

“Hmm, would you want to be her boyfriend?” James asked.

“Eh?” Severus was confused.

“Not now but like later on.” James said.

“I’m not sure.” Severus muttered.

“I hope not.” James said and he looked directly at Severus.

“Because you want to be her boyfriend?” Severus guessed.

“No. I want to be your boyfriend. So I wanted to make sure you didn’t like Lily like that you know.” James grinned and Severus was utterly confused.

“What? But I’m a boy…” Severus argued.

“Right…” James looked away. “Forget what I said then.” He added and quickly after the silence fell so Severus decided it was now time to go to bed so he got up.

“I’m going to bed.” Severus said. “Good night.” he quickly added before he left the room and after coming across James’ mother who gave him some pyjamas, he went to the guest room he was using, got changed and then got to bed.

‘I think he was just joking around.’ Severus thought to himself before he fell asleep.


	12. First year: End of the year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that covers their first year. I will not write chapters on the summer vacation but starting from next chapter it will be mentioned how the summer went and what all happened.

Due the fun they had, the Easter break quickly passed by for James and Severus. When they met up with their friends at Hogwarts again, it seemed all of them had a fun break too, well except for Sirius. His break seemed to have been horrendous again. He hadn’t said a single word to his brother and his parents had only given him backhanded comments about him being in Gryffindor and them knowing for sure that he would end up doing more shameful things. Even thought it was too early to say yet for them, they already assumed that he would do the Black name dirty by marrying a muggleborn witch in the future. Sirius would always walk away from these conversations because like any 12 year old, he didn’t want to hear anything about marriage yet.

Sirius was just glad to see his friends again and to get to some pranks before they had to start studying for the end of year exams.

Severus helped Peter study. James studied with Remus and Sirius and Lily studied with Severus from time to time.

When the exams were there, everyone was nervous but James and Sirius didn’t show it. However it was very obvious that Peter was nervous for his exams but he didn’t need to be. He passed all of his exams and so did the other marauders and Lily.

“Are you going to spend summer break at James’ house as well?” Lily asked as they walked by the lake for one last time before they would be leaving Hogwarts for the summer break.

“I’m not sure, he said I could but…” Severus muttered and looked at Lily.

“You don’t feel like you’re a bother right because let me tell you, Sev, you’re everything but a bother.” Lily said.

“No, it’s just that even though I asked my mom for permission, she didn’t send me anything back. It’s as if…” Severus looked down now.

“As if she doesn’t care?” Lily guessed and Severus nodded.

“I’m so sorry about that, Sev.” Lily said.

Severus said nothing to that but just looked at his redheaded best friend. She was beautiful and it made him think why James said he’d rather be his boyfriend instead of Lily’s. But then again, Severus was convinced that was just a joke.

“But I would take up on the offer of James and go with him. When you came back from your Easter break, you looked so happy. You looked as if you were a complete different person and I loved seeing you like that. It was as if you finally got to experience the thing you deserved. A family.” Lily smiled at him.

“The Potters are amazing.” Severus admitted. “Mrs. Potter is so loving, so sweet and Mr. Potter is very patient and kind.” Severus told.

“They sound like lovely people, Severus. So again, you really should take up on that offer and spend summer at James’ house. Send me letters as much as you can though, I will do so too.” Lily said and they left the lake together. They had to get ready to leave Hogwarts after all.

On the train, the marauders and Lily sat together. Severus had decided to take Lily’s advice and go with James for the summer break. Remus told about his plans for this summer and Peter told he was traveling to Switzerland with this parents. Sirius said he probably was going to try and find a way to go to James too but he wasn’t sure or he would be able to do that without his parents catching him in the act.

“What are your plans, Lily?” James asked.

“Hmm, my parents wanted to keep it a secret so I don’t know yet. Hopefully my sister will be less moody this time around.” Lily said.

“Your sister?” Remus asked.

“I have an older muggle sister, her name is Petunia. Even though my parents don’t mind at all that I’m magical, she finds me a freak.” Lily said.

“What a lovely sister.” Sirius said sarcastically.

“You could say that yeah…” Lily sighed.

“Do we have any different classes next year?” Peter then asked.

“No, but we need to get a new book.” Severus said.

“Ohh, which one?” Lily asked.

“The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2.” Severus told.

“When do we get to choose electives again, Sev?” Lily asked.

“Wait, electives? More classes?” Sirius asked with an annoyed expression on his face.

“Yeah but not next year, we have to choose two electives in third year.” Severus told.

“Ugh, what are the electives?” Sirius asked.

“Arithmancy, it’s a branch of magic concerned with the magical properties of numbers. It’s difficult as it requires you to remember and work with quite a lot of charts. Then there’s Care of Magical Creatures where you take care of magical beasts. There’s also Divination which is uhm about predicting the future which sounds like a lot of nonsense to me…” Severus said and then he thought which electives he forgot.

“Oh then there’s muggle studies, the name speaks for itself really and lastly there’s Study of Ancient Runes, where you study ancient runic scripts.” Severus added.

“They all sound boring except for Care of Magical Creatures.” Sirius said.

“I think Divination could be interesting too?” Lily asked softly.

“Really, Lily? Predicting the future?” Severus frowned.

“Who knows I’ll be really good at it. What if I predict that you’ll be the best Potion master out there once we graduate?” Lily asked.

“That’s not a prediction I think.” James laughed. “That’s just a given.” He added.

“Stop it…” Severus got a bit embarrassed now.

“Oh come on, can’t you guys see it all?” James asked.

“Hmm, we’ll see how he does in the coming years.” Remus said. “I mean it’s one thing to do good in your first year but that doesn’t mean you’ll be an expert later on.” Remus added.

“Yeah, James. It’s not because you can fly good now that you’ll become the Quidditch captain later on.” Sirius joked.

“You will eat your words soon, Sirius.” James said and the others laughed.

Soon the train had stopped again and everyone got off the train. Quickly everyone was picked up by their families and so James and Severus were picked up by James’ parents.

“I’m not sure where we will be going this summer and what we will do but I’m sure we’ll have a great time.” James promised to Severus.

“I’m sure of that too.” Severus smiled brightly and once again, all his worries washed away as he went home with James to the Potter’s house. This sure was going to be a fantastic summer or so he thought…


	13. Second year: Back to Hogwarts

Lily’s beautiful red hair was done in a ponytail for the first day she went back to Hogwarts. Her parents had dropped her off as well as her sister who refused to say anything to her before she left. “Have fun, Lily!” Her parents called after her as she got on the train and leaned out the window for a bit to wave them goodbye as the train slowly left the station. When Lily couldn’t see her parents and Petunia anymore she went to look for her best friend, Severus. She walked by each compartment to see if she could find him but when she did, she was shocked to see him all by himself. Severus hadn’t changed much over the break appearance wise, from what Lily could tell from where she stood she saw he looked very sad.

‘What happened…’ Lily thought to herself as she remembered before the summer break that Severus was looking so happy because he got to stay with the Potters all summer. But now he looked like he spend the whole summer at his own place but Lily didn’t know why James would let that happen so she left the compartment where Severus was and went to look for James instead. She had to know what happened.

As she found the compartment with James in it, she saw he wasn’t alone. He however was staring through the window while Remus was reading and Peter and Sirius were chatting loudly.

Lily studied James a bit without entering the compartment and when James used his hand to lean his head on it, the sleeve of that arm slid down and showed that he had a minor but apparent bruise on it. That made Lily wonder where he got it from but she quickly dismissed it again as something that probably happened when James tried flying on his broomstick and then perhaps fell down or crashed into something.

“Mate, Lily is staring at you.” Sirius nudged James when he noticed that Lily was looking at James.

James frowned at first but then he got up and went to the door from the compartment and when he opened it, he stared at her.

James grew a little but he still wasn’t taller than Lily just yet. He stepped out and then closed the compartment door behind him.

“What do you need?” James asked, looking pretty pissed off which wasn’t like him at all.

“No need to be so rude. I was just going to ask why you aren’t you sitting with Severus?” Lily asked.

James groaned at that. “Because I hate Severus, that’s why. He’s fricking stupid!” James yelled and before he could get back into the compartment where Remus, Sirius and Peter were now looking all worriedly at each other, Lily slapped James in the face.

“Sev is not stupid! You are for hating him!” Lily yelled back.

“I don’t want to hear anything from someone who didn’t know what happened.” James argued.

“I can’t know what happened if you don’t tell me.” Lily snapped back.

“Well I’m not telling you. Ask him.” James said and then he entered the compartment again.

“Mate, what was that about? Why did she slap you in the face?” Sirius asked.

James shrugged and just sat down again by the window. He refused to answer any questions that his friends asked him and he looked out of the window again.

Lily entered the compartment where Severus was and she noticed he was still sleeping. She waited a little but then decided to wake Severus up gently.

“Hmm?” Severus woke up and as he opened his eyes he saw Lily was the one who woke him. “Lily, hi…” Severus said softly.

“Hey, Sev.” She said back.

Severus sat up more and he sighed a bit. “Sev, why aren’t you sitting with James?” Lily decided to not wait and just directly ask the question.

“Because he apparently hates me now, Lily.” Severus looked down.

“Do you know why?” Lily asked.

“Lily… I don’t w-“ Severus tried to avoid the subject as he really didn’t want to talk about what happened.

“Oh come on, Sev. He wouldn’t tell me either but something must have happened because I remember you and him getting along well and being so happy about you staying at his place for the summer so what happened between you and him that changed that?” Lily asked.

“My mom came in second to last week during the summer break.” Severus said.

“Oh and?” Lily asked.

“I went home with her and that angered James but he doesn’t get it, Lily. He thinks he knows everything but the truth is that he knows nothing. So he had no place to judge, not a reason to get angry.” Severus frowned.

“What doesn’t he get, Sev?” Lily asked.

“He thinks that I’m abused by my parents.” Severus said softly.

“But that’s true right?” Lily asked softly. “I mean those bruises you had after the Easter break…” Lily muttered.

“Yes, but she gets abused as well.” Severus teared up.

“Who?” Lily asked.

“My mom…” Severus muttered.

“Oh but then why don’t you leave together with her?” Lily asked.

“It wouldn’t solve anything, even if she was willing to leave.” Severus said.

“What? She doesn’t want to leave?” Lily got confused.

“That’s the only thing I don’t get. Dad hurts her but yet she loves him, he hurts me but yet she loves him.” Severus muttered.

Lily got quiet as she didn’t know what to say to that.

“But James doesn’t know that and he judged without knowing such a thing and he got angry at me for willingly going with her.” Severus said.

“Sev, you haven’t told him, that’s why he doesn’t know.” Lily said.

“Am I supposed to tell him everything?” Severus asked.

“No but how can you tell him not to be angry if he doesn’t know the whole story?” Lily asked him.

“His parents seemed to understand. They were… sad but they didn’t get angry at me.” Severus argued.

“They’re adults, Sev. Adults sense such things better and they’re better, in most cases at least at controlling their emotions.” Lily said.

“Anyway, it’s too late now.” Severus looked away.

“What is?” Lily asked.

“He hates me so our friendship is over.” Severus shrugged, pretending he didn’t care but deeply inside he felt like crying.

“No, it’s not. It’s not too late to fix things and even though James might not want to talk to me for a while, you should make things right with him.” Lily said and Severus frowned a bit.

“Wait, why wouldn’t he want to talk to you?” Severus asked in confusion.

“Because I slapped him in the face. He called you stupid and he was yelling at me so I slapped him.” Lily told.

“Oh Lily…” Severus sighed.

“Just make things right with him.” Lily insisted.

“I will try once we’re at our dorm room.” Severus said before he took something out of his pocket and showed it to Lily.

“This was taken by Mr. Potter.” Severus said and as Lily looked at the picture she could see a happy James and Severus sitting closely to each other. Both of them were wearing a flower crown and occasionally James would pull Severus closer. The picture was dated: July 7th, 1972.

“Ohh, this is adorable.” Lily smiled.

“James is right?” Severus asked softly.

“Yeah but so are you. The both of you together, it’s adorable.” Lily said and Severus didn’t really get it but he decided to just nod in agreement.

“He… told me in Easter break and in summer break as well that he wants to be my boyfriend someday.” Severus told.

“That’s so cute.” Lily chuckled.

“It’s weird, Lily. We’re both boys.” Severus said and Lily wanted to argue with that but the train stopped and they had to get out so Lily decided she would have that conversation with Severus another time.

This year instead of going with the boats, they went with the carriages that were pulled by thestrals but the students couldn’t see that so it seemed as if they were pulled by nothing.

Lily found Alice and Pamela and together with them and Severus she went to sit in one of the carriages. Severus could see that the carriage in front had the other marauders in it. James looked straight ahead but Sirius, Peter and Remus waved at him so he waved back them awkwardly.

Later during the feast, Sirius’ face had gone from somewhat happy to a mixture of anger and sadness. His little brother Regulus just had been sorted into Slytherin and he hadn’t expected anything else but still he had somewhere hoped for him to be in another house, preferably in Gryffindor so they could try to get along again but now that was out of the window.

“Can’t you try and talk to him either way?” Remus suggested.

“If he sees me he’ll just run away. He hates me, Remus.” Sirius said and he stuffed another piece of chicken in his mouth.

After the feast Severus tried to get James’ attention.

“What do you want from me?” He asked as the others had gone to the Gryffindor tower already.

“I don’t want to fight any longer.” Severus said.

“Me neither but I’m still angry at you, Severus. You were so happy with us. You were safe with us and then when your mom shows up you go with her. She didn’t need to use force either. You went willingly with her. Why?!” James got angry again.

“Because if I’m not there she gets hit even more…” Severus whispered.

“What…” James blinked as he didn’t expect that.

“If I’m home she still gets hit but less than when I’m not at home.” Severus told.

“You’re taking hits for her?” James asked.

Severus didn’t answer at that but he looked at James, he still looked angry.

“She’s using you as a shield, Severus!” James yelled and Severus wanted to argue but he thought about what James said.

“If she really cared about you, she wouldn’t let that happen and she would run away with you.” James said.

“James no! She wouldn’t because she loves him. She gets hurt so much, but she never would leave him because she loves him!” Severus yelled back.

“I don’t get that. I don’t get why your mother would want to stay with someone like that.” James said.

“Me neither…” Severus teared up and it made James unable to be angry at Severus and he hugged him.

Severus hugged him back immediately. “I’m so sorry for yelling at you.” James said to him.

“No, I should have told you something.” Severus muttered.

“Maybe yeah but to be honest, I wouldn’t have let you because I’m so scared of digging up memories that you shouldn’t have to relive.” James said and he rubbed his back before he let Severus go again.

“Are we friends again?” James asked softly.

“Yes.” Severus nodded and then he continued with: “Always.” which made James chuckle a bit.


	14. Second year: Suspicions

The year started quite smoothly until Remus disappeared full moon again. The other marauders knew by know where Remus went during the full moon and they did everything to prevent anyone from finding out but when the boys went to visit their wounded friend the morning after, they were broken hearted to see the state their dear friend was in.

When they were told to leave, James looked down to the floor as they walked out.

“He looked way worse than the last time…” Sirius muttered, thinking about the last time they witnessed the aftermath of the moon last school year.

“Why would that be?” Peter asked.

“He’s growing. Just like we do and just like that, the wolf also grows stronger.” Severus said.

“If it keeps growing stronger, it will kill him.” Sirius said and James shot a glare at him.

“Don’t say that…” Peter whined.

“Severus, you said there was a potion right? You said it didn’t cure him but what effects does it have?” James asked.

“It calms the wolf and takes away a great part of the pain of the transformation. So he still would turn during full moon but he wouldn’t look like he does now the day after.” Severus said.

“Can’t you brew it?” James asked.

“It’s difficult but I could look into it. But that’s not the issue.” Severus said.

“Then what is?” Sirius asked.

“The ingredients are extremely expensive and even if we would be able to afford it, he needs to take it regularly…” Severus told and him and the other boys looked down at that.

“There must be something we can do…” Peter muttered.

The conversation fell silent again but Severus then thought of looking into some things at the library later.

“Let’s just go to class before Remus later finds out that we didn’t and scolds us.” James said and to that the other marauders nodded.

“And if not, Severus will scold us.” Sirius joked softly as they walked on to their next class.

“Severus scolding me and you, Sirius. He’d never scold his sweet dear James.” Peter teased.

“What?” Severus asked in confusion.

“Oh come on, ever since the start of the new year you guys have been all over each other.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“That’s gross, Sirius. I’m not all over James or anyone else. Get your mind out of the gutter.” Severus said and he went ahead.

“Thanks a lot, both of you.” James groaned looking at Sirius and he quickly ran after Severus.

“You were right though, Pete. Don’t feel bad about what you said.” Sirius said.

“You too.” Peter said and Sirius grinned. “I know I’m right.”

In their second break Severus went by himself to the library while James was walking through the halls while talking to Lily.

“He has this picture of the both of you from summer break. He always carries it with him. It’s kind of cute actually.” Lily said.

“Oh could you stop it please? My friends are teasing me about being ‘all over’ Severus all the time and now you’re telling this to me. His comment was clear. He called it gross.” James said and before Lily could comment anything on that, James stormed away.

“Hmm…” Severus grabbed another book and looked through it but then his thoughts trailed off. “Transfiguration sure was interesting today…” Severus whispered to himself before he realised something. “Why haven’t thought about that yet?” He asked loudly to himself before everyone else in the library tried to shush him.

Severus looked down, a bit embarrassed before he got up to put the books away first. Then he ran out of the library and ran through the halls to go look for his friends and he was for some reason happy that he came across James first.

“James!” He ran over to him and he grabbed his arms.

“I thought of a way for us to help Remus.” Severus told and the other Gryffindor’s face lighted up. “Let’s go find the others.” James grabbed his hand and pulled him along. Unknowingly they ran passed Lily, Alice and Pamela while looking for their friends.

“Was that Severus and James, running just passed us?” Alice asked.

“And were they holding hands?” Pamela looked at the boys running until she couldn’t see them anymore.

“Yeah, apparently.” Lily was a little surprised. She never saw Severus as a person who would do such a thing but she was glad that she seemed to be happy.

“There they are.” James called as he pointed at Sirius and Peter going in the direction of the hospital wing and they easily caught up with them. “Guys, Severus here found something that would allow us to do something more to help Remus.” James said excitedly.

Sirius and Peter got excited too but then they noticed that James and Severus were holding hands and they smirked at each other.

“Oh come on, that’s enough.” Severus pulled his hand back once he saw their faces.

“Fine… tell us what you found then.” Sirius said.

“Well, I was in the library and I was thinking back to today’s Transfiguration class and then it hit me. Professor McGonagall, she’s an animagus.” Severus started.

“What has Professor McGonagall transforming into a cat have to do with Remus?” Sirius asked.

“Well, as animals you would be able to protect him better but also to ease him better.” Severus said.

“So we ask Professor McGonagall to stay with him during full moons?” Peter asked in confusion.

“No of course not. But what if we could transform into animals. Then we could accompany him during every full moon.” Severus explained.

“How would we do that?” Peter asked.

“I’ll have to look into that but I’m sure that a book on becoming an animagus wouldn’t be in the school’s library.” Severus said.

“Not even in the forbidden section?” James whispered.

“How do we even get to the forbidden section without being caught by Filch?” Peter asked.

“With the cloak.” James said.

“I’ll need the cloak then. I’ll go but…” Severus said and immediately Sirius and James both offered to go with him.

“I was actually going to ask Peter.” Severus said.

“What? Why?” Sirius asked.

“Because he’s the smallest and he wouldn’t try to pull something on Filch unless you guys are there.” Severus explained.

“Fine. You and Peter go, after dinner maybe?” James suggested and Severus nodded to that and Peter was unsure.

“What is it, Pete?” Severus asked.

“I…I’m scared.” Peter admitted.

“Peter, it will be fine.” Severus assured but Peter really didn’t seem to want to.

“Then, James…will you go with me?” Severus asked.

“Sure.” James nodded.

“Ouch. Am I really your last pick?” Sirius asked.

“No, actually if any of you couldn’t go with me then I’d ask Lily. So she’s technically my last choice.” Severus said.

“Why? She’s your best friend.” Sirius frowned.

“Yeah and she’s the last I want to risk causing to get in trouble.” Severus said.

“What about us then?” Peter asked.

“You guys get into trouble anyways.” Severus smirked.

“How nice of you.” Sirius sighed.

“Always, my friends. Always.” Severus said before he walked into the hospital wing first.

James sighed to himself softly. Severus was so brilliant, so sweet and yet had some sarcasm in him as well.

“Do we tell him?” Peter leaned towards Sirius as he whispered this.

“No, it’s more fun to watch him find it out himself.” Sirius whispered back.

James then looked back at his friends who immediately looked up as if they weren’t just gossiping right behind his back. He sighed to himself and just hoped that they would drop it some day before he followed after Severus.

The marauders had decided to not tell Remus about their plan just yet and that evening after dinner while Sirius and Peter went up to the Gryffindor tower, James and Severus covered themselves with the cloak as they went to the forbidden section of the library.

“Do you really think it’s gross?” James asked softly on their way there.

“What?” Severus asked as he made sure that they didn’t make too much noise.

“Them saying that you and I are all over each other?” James whispered.

“No, besides it’s just a joke. They don’t mean it, I’m sure.” Severus said softly.

“No, Severus. They meant it.” James walked closely to Severus while they were under the cloak and he could smell the peach scented shampoo that Lily had lend Severus so his hair wouldn’t be so greasy.

“Are you sure about that? We’re talking about Sirius and Peter here.” Severus sighed and James chuckled to that. “Yeah that’s true but… it’s that Lily said something too.” James said as they got into the forbidden section.

“Lily?” Severus asked in surprise.

“Yeah, she said you were carrying around that picture that my dad took of us. She said you carry it around all the time.” James said and then he snorted. “She probably was just trying to make a joke too.” James said.

“Lily rarely does that but… she was right. I do.” Severus admitted softly.

“Why’s that?” James asked softly but before Severus could answer they heard Filch in the distance so they quietly shuffled to the row Severus needed to be. Severus looked around and then grabbed a book and he checked it before nodding to James.

James nodded as if saying ‘okay, let’s go.’ and they quietly left the forbidden section.


	15. Second year: Severus isn't innocent

After getting the book from the forbidden section they went back to the Gryffindor tower and Severus put the book away before he got undressed slowly.

“You’ve gained weight…” James whispered and Severus shocked up at that.

“Stop staring at me like that, James.” Severus looked embarrassed.

“I’m sorry.” James apologised and when Severus finished getting changed, he got into bed.

“I started using that book you gave me as a journal.” James softly admitted as he was done changing and he got into bed too.

“I’m glad you found a way to use it.” Severus said before he fell asleep right after.

James looked over to make sure he was actually sleeping before he took his journal. He muttered a password before he saw the book open up. He wrote down the date and started writing.

**_September 14, 1972_ **

**_The day started off horrible as Remus turned out to be more severely wounded than before. Severus might have found something useful though. I trust that he will find out quickly what we need in order to become animagi. However, even though me and Severus are on good terms again, he keeps saying hurtful stuff. But I don’t think he’s aware of those himself._ **

**_I want to tell him but I’m not sure if he would get it. What should I do?_ **

James looked at the entry and then with a sigh he closed the book again and locked it with the password before putting it away.

The next day Severus spend most of his time on trying to read the book as fast as possible while also trying to completely understand what was in it. Here and there he made some notes on parchment and while he was doing all that, Sirius visited Remus the most, Peter sneakily got some chocolate for Remus from the kitchen and James was talking to Lily.

“He keeps using it as an excuse.” James told.

“What?” Lily asked.

“That he is a boy.” James said.

“Oh, but James, I’m not sure how it is in the magical world but in the muggle world it’s frowned upon.” Lily said.

“But Severus is not a muggle.” James argued.

“He’s not but his dad is and from what I saw, his dad doesn’t seem like a muggle with an open mind.” Lily said before she asked what it was like in the wizarding community?

“Purebloods with conservative values like the Malfoys and the Black family are known to be extremely against it.” James said. “But others, like my family… see it as a normal thing.” He continued.

“Have you told him that already?” Lily asked.

“No and why would I?” James asked.

“Think about that yourself, James.” Lily said and she walked away.

In the meanwhile Sirius was feeding Remus some soup. “What’s going on between Severus and James?” Remus asked as he gulped down some soup.

“Honestly, I don’t know but whatever you do, don’t bring it up in front of them. They’re extremely sensitive about it. Especially Severus.” Sirius said.

“Do you think it might be a little crush?” Remus asked.

“Eww mate, they’re both guys.” Sirius pulled a face, he was used to a lot of conservative values and these was one of them. He could tease Severus and James a bit about being all over each other but really couldn’t see them falling for each other for real. That made him a little uncomfortable because of the things he was taught. Even though it was wrong, he couldn’t really help it.

“Seriously, Sirius? There’s nothing wrong with that.” Remus said.

“Really?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah, it’s accepted in the wizarding community and our law allows it as well.” Remus said.

“That’s ridiculous. So, two guys can get married or something and a werewolf barely has any rights?” Sirius frowned.

“It’s not the same, Sirius.” Remus argued.

“Stand up for yourself a little bit more. Fight for your own rights and not for someone else’s for once. Because that selfless act of yours becomes tiring after a while.” Sirius groaned and Remus just got quiet and just continued to eat the soup that Sirius fed him.

A few days had passed and Severus had finally managed to finish the book and completely comprehend it. The boys met at the lake before dinner while Remus was in the library to work on an assignment.

“So?” Sirius asked.

“It takes a lot of spells, potions, meditating to find your inner animal as you can’t really choose the animal you become for your Animagus form and then there’s more spells and potions. It’s a long procedure.” Severus said.

Peter looked down at that. “I feel like this isn’t made for me.” the boy said.

“We’ll help you. Right?” James said and he looked at Sirius and Severus and they both nodded.

“We should start by gathering these ingredients so I can prepare these potions. They take three months to make so we better start quickly if we don’t want this to take too long. But we have to keep in mind that this is something that isn’t achieved in just a few weeks. It takes experienced wizards years but once we start, we can’t look back.” Severus said.

“We’re not to give up.” Sirius said determined and James nodded.

“For Remus.” Peter said and the other guys followed by also all saying ‘for Remus’.

“I just hope whatever what I turn into, it won’t be something pathetic and small.” Sirius said.

“I don’t think with your attitude you will be.” Severus chuckled and Sirius rolled his eyes.

Soon Remus left the library and when he saw his friends outside at the lake he wondered what they were up to so he ran over to them. “Hey, what kind of mischief are you guys planning?” Remus asked and Peter got nervous but Severus quickly answered: “We were planning to throw dung bombs in the great hall.”

“That’s evil!” Remus said.

“I love it. I love a bad Severus.” James grinned.

“Come on, let’s get some dung bombs.” Severus said and he went ahead. James went after him and quickly Peter followed. “I think I still have some.” Peter said while they were on their way to their dorm to get the dung bombs.

“You know, it’s not that disgusting.” Sirius admitted to Remus as they were left behind.

“But?” Remus felt a ‘but’ coming.

“But it’s still kind of weird.” Sirius said and Remus sighed to that and he and Sirius quickly followed the other three boys.

After the prank in the great hall they of course got into trouble as Professor McGonagall found out that they were behind it. So naturally the five boys got detention the next day.

“Detention in our third week.” Sirius said and he looked at Severus.

“I can’t believe it was you who got us into detention.” Remus looked at Severus too who had it quite hard to not crack up in laughter as all the boys except him struggled to clean without magic.

“What’s so funny, Severus?” Sirius asked.

“That you expected me to be innocent after hanging out with you guys for over a year. It’s just hilarious to me.” Severus cleaned another trophy and then noticed the name on it. “Oh…wow, Professor McGonagall is multi-talented.” Severus said and he stopped laughing.

The other boys looked over at that and saw Severus in front of a trophy that had their Transfiguration professor’s name on it.

“She was a seeker?” Sirius looked at the trophy.

“Besides…have you tried out for the team already, James?” Peter asked and James grinned a little.

“Oh come on tell us!” Sirius nudged him.

“I was appointed seeker.” James said.

“And you thought about telling us when?” Severus asked and he carefully positioned the trophy like it was positioned before.

“It was supposed to be a surprise.” James told.

“You can’t just keep these things from us, James.” Remus said and he pinched James’ cheek.

“Ouch, Severus help me out please!” James called for help.

“Absolutely not. You deserved that.” Severus grinned mischievously and Sirius and Peter laughed at that.

“You definitely deserved that, mate.” Sirius said.

“Never keep things from us again, okay?” Peter added.


	16. Second year: The journal & Halloween

**_September 30, 1972_ **

**_It’s no use to tell him. He doesn’t get it. Lily says I should give it some time. Maybe Severus doesn’t understand such feelings yet. Maybe I need to wait another year. That’s what she advised me to do. Perhaps that’s the best. It’s not that I want anything like that with him right now. I thought of fourth or fifth year, which gives me another two or three years._ **

**_I just hope that he doesn’t fall for Lily in that time period. I know he said that she was just his best friend but he didn’t give me a direct ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when I asked if she could be more than that in the future and that worries me._ **

**_She’s brilliant and I could see why he would start liking her but I really hope he doesn’t._ **

****

**_October 3, 1972_ **

**_Sirius tried today to talk to his younger brother Regulus but the boy ran away before Sirius could say anything to him. Sirius didn’t try to go after him, saying there was no reason to. It wouldn’t help, it wouldn’t work, that’s what Sirius kept saying._ **

**_Remus will be changing into a werewolf again soon. Severus is making progress on the potions but it seems they’re a bit difficult, even for him. I tried helping him out but I couldn’t for the love of Merlin understand what was supposed to be done._ **

**_I wish we could Remus for some help as he would be the best person to assist Severus in this but Remus can’t know. Not yet. That’s what we told each other._ **

****

**_October 6, 1972_ **

**_Remus looked terrible. He looked so bad that it made Sirius cry and Sirius never cries. Not even when his brother shouted at him for hanging out with a traitor, half bloods and a muggleborn witch. I don’t see why Sirius even tries to reconnect with him since he’s such a little brat but Lily told me that when you have a sibling that used to like you, suddenly starts to dislike you, you would try everything to make them like you again. She also told she had given up with her sister Petunia as it was no use but she hoped that Sirius would have more luck with it._ **

**_Severus still has difficulty with the potions and has asked me if he can ask Lily to assist him for a few times, without telling what the potions are for so I agreed but told him that we should ask Peter and Sirius if it’s okay with them as well._ **

****

**_October 14, 1972_ **

**_Apparently, Severus ended up not needing any help. He figured it out, he said. I still don’t get how he’s able to do it but he’s very good at Potions so that must explain it right?_ **

**_My parents have asked for an update on Severus as they’re worried about him. It’s as if he has become their son as well. I haven’t told him about their worries too much yet but have send them an update. Severus looks happier, looks healthier too. And thanks to some stuff he got from Lily, he looks even more taken care off. Now he looks like a 12-year old should look like although the faces he makes when he’s concentrating on something, still make him look like an old professor. But I think it’s kind of cute._ **

****

**_October 30, 1972_ **

**_Tomorrow will be Halloween and I have the perfect plan for this year’s Halloween. I might have gone a bit overboard with it but I don’t care. I just want my friends to laugh, I just want all my friends to have fun for once in a while._ **

James ended his journal entry late that night and went to bed after all the other boys were asleep already. He couldn’t wait to see his friends faces in the morning after he would present them with the surprise he had for them.

The next morning he woke up early even though today they didn’t have classes. He got dressed and then went over to Severus’ bed first.

He gently shook the boy’s shoulder who was clinging onto the lion plushie that he got from James last year.

“Hmm?” Severus rubbed his one eye as he slowly opened the other one and when he saw James he gasped.

“Happy Halloween, Severus!” James said, smiling brightly. The bespectacled was dressed up as a vampire and he was even wore fake fangs.

“Really, a vampire?” Severus asked softly as the shock wore off.

“It’s not good? Then I wonder what you will say about your costume.” James said.

“I don’t have a costume.” Severus sat up.

“Well now you do.” James said and he threw the costume he had gotten for Severus on the bed.

Severus looked a bit confused as to why James had a costume for him but then he saw the costume and sighed. “Isn’t Halloween about being scary?” He asked.

“Yeah but nothing would make you look scary.” James argued at which Severus frowned. “I’ll wear this… if you tell me that you also got the others something and that they will also wearing something ridiculous.”

“Yeah, I got them something too. Peter will be a mouse, Sirius a dog and Remus will be an old wise wizard.” James said.

“Why does Remus have to be the only one with a cool costume?” Severus whined.

“Oh come on, your costume is cool too.” James said.

“It’s not, I’ll look like some flower boy.” Severus got out of bed.

“It’s supposed to be an elf.” James argued back and their little argument woke Sirius up.

“What in Merlin’s name are you guys arguing about on a freaking Sunday morning?” Sirius groaned as he slowly sat up.

“Happy Halloween, Sirius!” James happily said before held up his arms and showed his fake fangs, trying to be scary but it didn’t faze the moody boy one bit.

“You look ridiculous, James.” Sirius yawned.

“Look, I’m not the only one who thinks so.” Severus said and he changed from his pyjamas to the costume which appeared to be white robe, two flowery bracelets, a flower crown and elf ears.

Sirius blinked when he saw Severus in his costume. Even he couldn’t help but think that the boy looked kind of pretty. Sirius looked at James as if he was asking ‘you did this on purpose, didn’t you?’ but James avoided looking at him entirely and had his eyes on Severus.

“This isn’t so bad…” Severus said and he looked at James. “Thank you, James.” He said before a loud whine from Sirius interrupted them.

“What’s the complaining for?” Severus asked and Sirius angrily held up the dog costume. “What’s this supposed to be?” Sirius asked.

“You can’t tell?” James asked.

“Of course I can tell it’s a dog costume, you idiot. My question is why?!” Sirius yelled which woke up both Remus and Peter.

After a lot of complaining from Sirius and some from Peter and Remus, all the marauders were dressed in their costumes and they went down to the Gryffindor common room where Lily and Alice were chatting with Frank Longbottom.

Lily was dressed up as a cat, going from the cat ears on her head and the drawn on whiskers on her face. Alice was dressed up as an old witch and Frank wasn’t in costume as he refused to take part in this nonsense.

“Wow…Severus. You look so…cute.” Lily said and Alice in agreement.

“Isn’t Halloween about being scary?” Frank asked with a frown.

“As if you’re any better.” Sirius threw back.

“Says the one dressed up as a dog.” Frank laughed now which made Sirius groan and leave the common room.

“He’s very sensitive lately.” Remus said adjusting the fake grey beard he was wearing.

Sirius ran through the halls of Hogwarts and was about to pull of the dog ears off his head but he bumped up against someone and before he could call them off, they started to laugh. It made Sirius want to yell even more but when he recognised the laughter he looked up in surprise.

It was his little brother Regulus who was laughing and it wasn’t in a mocking way, but he looked genuinely happy.

“Reg?” Sirius asked softly.

The little Slytherin boy looked up to his brother and as he stopped laughing he asked: “Did Potter make you wear that crap?”

“Yeah, you want a costume too?” Sirius asked.

“No…well, I… could you lend me one of your robes?” Regulus asked.

“Why?” Sirius asked.

“I wanted to go for Halloween as you but don’t tell mom and dad that okay?” Regulus asked him quickly.

Sirius was touched and immediately nodded. “Yeah, let me get one. Mom and dad won’t hear a word about this. I promise.” He smiled a bit at his little brother and then ran off back to the Gryffindor tower. He quickly got a robe out of his closet and then went back to his brother.

“Here.” Sirius handed him the robes.

Regulus nodded and before walking off he said softly: “I don’t hate you. I never will.” and then he quickly made his leave.

‘I haven’t lost my little brother after all.’ Sirius thought to himself.


	17. Second year: About Christmas

“I don’t believe in that sort of stuff, Albus. You know that.” Minerva said and she looked at the night sky out of Dumbledore’s office.

“I am fully aware of that, Minerva. But even without the prediction you should have seen some signs already right?” Albus asked as he sat at his desk.

“They don’t mean anything. They’re just twelve. How can that be signs?” Minerva asked.

“Maybe you’re right.” Albus said, in temporary defeat.

“Christmas with the Potters, how does that sound?” James asked Severus as it was the day before the Christmas break started.

“It sounds fun but are you sure I can stay again after what happened?” Severus asked.

“Yeah why not?” James looked a little confused.

“Because what if my mom shows up again?” Severus bit his lip.

“Then you say no to her.” James said.

“I can’t.” Severus looked down.

“Then I will make sure you can’t leave. It’s not safe for you to go. If she really wants to see you, she can come over to see you but she’s not taking you home.” James said strictly. He had talked about this with his parents over letters already and they decided that if Severus’ mother wanted to see her son, she would be allowed inside the house but she wasn’t allowed to take Severus with her anywhere and especially not home.

Severus looked up at James and then nodded. “I’ll go with you.” Severus said and he grabbed the boys hands.

James smiled at him and when he let him go he helped the other pack for tomorrow already.

“Where are the others by the way?” Severus asked.

“Peter is hanging out with Sirius and Remus is in the library.” James told.

“I’m going to talk to Lily for a bit, if you don’t mind?” Severus asked.

“Nope, go ahead.” James said and Severus left the room at that.

James sighed when Severus left the room. It made him think back to the entry he wrote in his journal. What if Severus fell for Lily? It was maybe too soon to say but James was genuinely scared about that happening one day. The little witch was brilliant and kind and even though James didn’t really see it, he had to admit she was pretty as well and that probably would only change in a positive way once she got older.

“He’s so going to fall for her.” James whispered to himself as he put Severus’ stuff into a suitcase. Through Severus’ stuff he found a picture of the marauders in their Halloween costumes together with Lily, Alice, a not dressed up Frank and Regulus, Sirius’ little brother. Peter was eating some candy, Remus seemed to be teasing Sirius and Regulus was joining him in this. Severus and Lily were mocking James’ costume by acting if they were also ‘scary’ vampires and James saw himself in the picture occasionally glancing at Severus. Alice seemed to be teasing Frank who honestly looked so annoyed and seemed to be the only one who was on the picture against his will.

“I can’t believe that I’m being so obvious and he still can’t see it. He’s such a smart wizard but when it comes to things like this, he’s so freaking stupid.” James said to himself and he put the picture in the suitcase as well.

Soon he finished packing Severus’ stuff and he remembered Lily telling him that it was normal for Severus’ age and the environment he grew up in to not get such stuff. ‘I should have more patience with this then.’ James said and he got up and then Severus entered the room again. The boy immediately noticed that his suitcase was already packed and he looked back at James.

“You packed my suitcase for me?” Severus asked.

“Yes. I know I didn’t have to and maybe I missed some things but mine is already packed so I thought about helping you out a little.” James said.

“That’s nice of you, James.” Severus said and he checked the suitcase.

“Well one more important thing is missing but I’ll be putting that in tomorrow.” Severus said and James didn’t really get immediately what that important thing might be.

“This.” Severus said as he let the little lion plushie fly towards James.

“You want to take this with you?” James asked.

“I always take it with me in breaks but you know when I left with my mom, I told your mom to put it in yours.” Severus told.

“I didn’t even notice that.” James admitted.

“Really?” Severus looked at him and then he remembered something.

“After the break we can start with taking the potions. I finished the potions and by the end of the break, they’ve been brewing for long enough.” Severus told.

“Oh that’s great news. We should tell Peter and Sirius about that too.” James said and Severus agreed to that.

“Severus, what do you think I should get for them?” James asked.

“You mean for Remus, Sirius and Peter?” Severus asked. James nodded at that and he saw Severus thinking about it.

“What about a book for Remus?” Severus suggested.

“Hmm sure but what about Peter and Sirius?” James asked.

“I’m not sure about Sirius but Peter told me he is interested in learning how to bake. So maybe give him a book that could help him with that?” Severus looked at James.

“Okay? And maybe some band shirts for Sirius?” James asked.

“Sounds good to me.” Severus said and for a moment he thought about getting his friends a present too but that idea quickly got ruined by the realisation he didn’t have any money to buy gifts with.

“Hey, Severus.” James saw him looking somewhat down about something and he could already guess what it was about.

“What?” Severus looked up again.

“Don’t worry about getting us gifts. Having you as our friend is already enough of a gift.” James said.

“Merlin, that was cheesy!” Sirius called as he came in and he just heard what James said.

“Yeah it was but… thank you, James.” Severus chuckled a little and then Sirius brought up he wasn’t going to give anyone a gift so Severus shouldn’t feel bad about it.

“I would like to but my mom would thrash the gifts immediately before I even have a chance of trying to smuggle them with me to Hogwarts.” Sirius said.

“Your mother is awful.” James frowned.

“Oh believe me, my father is worse.” Sirius said and both Severus and James frowned before sighing.

That’s until they noticed that Sirius had came back alone. Peter was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Peter?” Severus asked.

“Oh uhm he was supposed to come back with me but we came across a girl, that I guess Peter found quite pretty and he embarrassed himself by peeing in his pants in front of her.” Sirius told.

“Poor Pete…” Severus sighed.

“Wait and you left him like that?” James asked.

“No, he ran away and I ended up losing him. He’ll be fine I’m sure.” Sirius assured.

“I hope for you he will be.” Severus crossed his arms.

“You make it sound like it’s my fault that it happened.” Sirius said.

“We’re not saying that but you could have tried a little harder to find him, mate.” James followed Severus’ example as he crossed his arms too.

Sirius was about to say something but Peter came into the dorm room with Remus. “I’m sure she will forget about it soon, Peter.” Remus said softly but Peter really didn’t believe that and looked angrily at Sirius.

“Thank you for helping me, Sirius.” Peter said sarcastically.

“I tried to follow you.” Sirius sighed.

“Yeah, yeah..” Peter looked away.

“Look I’m not the stupid one to pee in my pants in front of a girl okay?” Sirius huffed and that made Severus smack the back of Sirius’ head.

“What are you? My mom?” Sirius sneered.

“No, your mom wouldn’t care about stuff like this.” Severus said and that made Sirius rub the back of his head before looked at Peter.

“I’m sorry, Pete.” Sirius said.

“It’s fine, Sirius.” Peter said after short silence and he was about to hug Sirius but Sirius didn’t let him.

“Don’t be like Severus and James please. I don’t like to hug.” Sirius said.

“Say that again after deciding to get in my bed and attach yourself to me to the point I have it hard to breath.” Remus said and he got his suitcase ready for tomorrow.

Sirius hid his face in his hands at that and the other boys laughed with it.

“Don’t we all do something embarrassing?” Severus then asked.

“Sure, you sleep with a plushie and you talk in your sleep.” Peter chuckled as he looked at Severus.

“I do not!” Severus tried to defend himself but the marauders said: “You do, Severus.” in unison.

The next day, the last bits were added to their suitcases before they were taken by the house elves to be put on the train. The marauders met up with Lily and they left the Gryffindor tower together.

“So Severus is going to stay with you again?” Lily asked, looking at James.

“Yeah…” James smiled and he looked over his shoulder to see Severus tease Sirius.

“You’ve completely corrupted him, James.” Lily looked over as well.

“It wasn’t just me.” James gasped.

“I know, it was the four of you but you are the main preparator.” Lily said.

“But he’s happy so I’m happy. Just make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble.” Lily warned James.

“He’s mostly responsible for the trouble he gets in.” James argued. “Because he’s the one who comes up with the most of our pranks.” James added.

“No way. Severus?” Lily asked.

“He’s more of a prankster than you would think, Lily.” James smirked.

“Again, you have corrupted him!” Lily hit James’ shoulder and he just laughed a bit.

“I don’t regret anything.” James stuck his tongue out and Lily was about to take her wand out to learn him a lesson but Severus caught up to them and walked in between them.

“What are you talking about?” Severus asked.

“Lily is convinced that me and the other guys have corrupted you.” James said.

“Oh really?” Severus looked at Lily.

“Yes.” Lily confirmed.

“Well she’s right. You have. Mostly you, James.” Severus said and that made James huff for a little but he was surprised when Severus said the following in the sweetest tone he had heard up until now: “I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. I’m happy for you and the others becoming my friends but especially you, James.”

It made James speechless for a bit until he managed to crack a joke about it. “Too cheesy!” he said.

“I truly have learned from you then.” Severus chuckled.

Once they were on the train Sirius said he hoped that his brother just stayed friendly during the break. Remus hoped the coming full moon wouldn’t be too harsh to him. Peter wished for a snow filled break, Severus and James both hoped that Severus’ mother wouldn’t show up at the Potters again while Lily hoped that James would just give the whole ‘loving Severus’ thing a break for a while. He didn’t want Severus or James to get hurt and she knew one of them would get hurt if James didn’t give it some rest for a while. There was no rush after all.


	18. Second year: Christmas at the Potters

“Put your stuff away quickly, boys. We’ll go out for some shopping.” Euphemia said to her son and Severus as they came in. The boys nodded and went to each of their rooms. When Severus entered the room he used over Easter and summer break though he saw it had gotten a little bit more personalised. There was a little book shelve now with some muggle literature that he liked as well as some potion books. On the desk there was a red thick book and Severus wanted to look into it, to see what it was but he decided that he would do that after the shopping so he quickly unpacked his stuff and put it away. He didn’t even notice that the closet had some new clothes in it for him as well but when he would find that out later, he would certainly be surprised.

It was all the work of James and his parents. James wrote his parents to tell them what stuff Severus liked and to tell what his sizes where. Because Severus might have fitted before in clothes that were too small for James now but that was no longer the case as he grew a little and gained a bit of weight as well.

As Severus left his room he attacked James with a hug who just happened to leave his own room as well.

“Hey, what is this for?” James asked.

“You told them what books I liked right?” Severus asked.

“Yeah…have you seen the album thought?” James asked.

“What album?” Severus asked.

“I guess not then but you’ll see it later.” James said and he got out of Severus’ hug before he ran downstairs.

“Don’t run on the stairs, James!” Euphemia called.

Severus came right after James and they got ready to go outside with James’ parents.

Once outside, Severus walked closely to the Potters and Fleamont kept a close eye on both Severus and James to make sure that they didn’t just wander off somewhere. He trusted Severus by now but he knew that his son James was a prankster and would dare to sneak off and pull along Severus with him.

As they were in the shopping district, James asked his mom where they were going first.

“Hmm, well why don’t you and Severus go look around a bit? Me and your dad still have to get something for Christmas eve.” Euphemia said and she handed her son a little sack of pocket money but to Severus it seemed a lot of money but he didn’t comment on it either way. He was kind of used to the difference between him and James now.

“Sure, mom.” James said before he pulled Severus along with him.

“Don’t forget to meet us again here within an hour!” Euphemia yelled at her son who already ran off quite a bit but was still able to hear her.

“Yes mom!” James yelled back and he pulled Severus into a book store.

“You don’t like books, James.” Severus commented as he noticed where they were.

“We’re here to get something for Remus and possibly something for Peter as well if they have baking related books here.” James said.

“Uhm James, I… want to get something to for…” Severus started.

“We told you that’s not needed right?” James looked at him.

“Yeah but for Lily…” Severus said.

“Oh well do you know what she wants then?” James asked him.

“Something about magical creatures? She’s interested in learning about that lately.” Severus thought out loud.

“What about this one? This one is specifically about unicorns.” James pulled a book out.

Severus looked at the cover at the book before looking at the book and then looking through some pages before deciding it was something that Lily definitely would like. That’s before he saw the price tag. That made him want to put it back.

“What is it?” James looked at the book and then at Severus.

“It’s too expensive…” Severus muttered.

“Hmm, really?” James looked at the book and thought a bit. “You know what. I’ll buy it and in exchange, you don’t tell her that I paid it?” James asked.

“Eh but…” Severus looked unsure.

“It’s fine, Severus.” James said but Severus still looked unsure.

“Severus, look at me.” James demanded softly and Severus looked at him.

“It’s fine. She doesn’t need to know about this and you know what, Severus? One day you’ll be able to afford those things yourself. It’s no shame that you can’t now.” James said and Severus wanted to say something to that but kept that for himself and instead nodded.

“Sure.” he nodded and he waited until James found the books for Remus and Peter before James took the book Severus was holding and went to pay for the three books. While he was doing so, Severus got so deep into his thoughts that when James was back and called out to him, he didn’t hear it the first time.

“Severus, hello?” James tried a second time and that pulled Severus back.

“Hmm?” Severus looked at him.

“You seemed to be in deep thought. But do I want know what you were thinking about?” James teased.

“It wasn’t anything like that, James.” Severus rolled his eyes and he followed James outside.

“Sure.” James smirked and the boys walked closely next to each other as they walked into the next shop.

“We should be able to find some band shirts here.” James said and he actually still had no idea what to gift Severus for Christmas but also for his birthday as well as he knew that Severus’ birthday was actually pretty near as well.

As they were looking around in the shop, Severus watched James and wondered what went on in the boy’s mind all the time. That made him think he read something about some magic that allowed to look into someone’s mind. For now it seemed a bit too complicated for Severus but he thought about mastering that some day as he really wanted to know what went on in James’ head.

“Severus? What do you think of this shirt?” James asked as he showed the other boy a shirt.

“Hmm, it looks like something that Sirius would like.” Severus said.

“You think so?” James looked at the shirt before looking back at Severus who nodded.

“Hey, James…” Severus said softly.

“Yeah? What is it?” James asked.

“What are you thinking about?” Severus asked curiously.

James got a little red as he looked at Severus. The curious look in Severus’ face made him look a bit cute and the red handknitted scarf that Severus got from Lily that was gently wrapped around Severus’ neck didn’t really help with making him any less cute.

But unfortunately Severus misunderstood the look James was giving him and he pulled a face. “James Potter, you dirty…” Severus whispered in slight disgust.

“No…No! It’s nothing like that, I swear!” James tried to make up but it was no use.

“Never mind that…” James whispered and he went to pay for the shirts while Severus still had the wrong idea about James’ thoughts.

After they left the shop they went looking around for a few other things and while Severus wasn’t paying attention, James bought something for Severus and let it get wrapped so Severus wouldn’t see what it was if he happened to look into the bag.

“Isn’t it almost time to meet up with your mom again?” Severus asked as he and James left another shop.

“It’s time now. Let’s get there quick, Severus!” James said and he grabbed Severus’ hand with his free hand and pulled him along.

As they arrived at the meeting spot Euphemia said that James and Severus were a little late. “I’m sorry mom, I got so busy shopping. If Severus hadn’t reminded me I would still be going at it.” James admitted.

“We can see that.” Fleamont said.

“Anyway, let’s get home boys.” Euphemia said and quickly they went home. Severus noticed that Mr. Potter was carrying a big gift and guessed it was for James.

‘It’s probably the newest model of the best racing broom.’ Severus thought to himself. Then he wondered if James’ parents would have gotten him something but although he really found them kind, he didn’t think they would. ‘They don’t have to. I’m not their son.’ Severus thought to himself.

The next evening was Christmas eve and it was time to open up presents. As expected the big present was for James and when he opened it up, his eyes lighted up. It was the best racing broom that was currently out and James absolutely loved it. James jumped up and ran over to his parents to hug them. Severus smiled a bit sadly when he saw them hug.

He loved the Potters but he deeply down wished his parents had been like this for him. He knew they never would.

“Severus, there’s three gifts for you.” Fleamont then said and he pointed to two small gifts and slightly bigger gift that laid next to each other.

Severus blinked in surprise and wondered what those could be and he wondered why there were three. Even James’ parents gave him one together and James gave him one gift, then from who was the other gift?

James followed Severus as went over to the little gift pile. “Hmm? I don’t know this handwriting.” James pointed at a gift that was wrapped in red paper and had a card attached to it that ‘For Severus’ written on it.

When Severus looked over to it, his eyes got big. It was his mother’s handwriting. Severus took the little gift and stared at it for a little. “How?” he whispered.

“She came to give it last night when you were in bed. She didn’t want to interrupt your sleep but she really wanted you to have this.” Euphemia told and Severus carefully opened the present. He was even more surprised when he saw the red gloves that had a little ‘S’ sewed into each glove on the back.

Severus held them and shivered a little as he teared up. His mother didn’t forget him at all. He was wrong all along.

James usually wouldn’t really get the excitement over a small gift like this but he understood it meant a lot for Severus and when he saw the boy tear up, he rubbed his back.

“No more cold hands…” he said softly to him and Severus nodded a little. For a while he held onto to the gloves before he put them aside and opened the other small gift which turned out to be a bracelet with a flowery pattern in it.

Severus looked at the bracelet in confusion before looking up to James as if he wanted an explanation.

“It’s a protective bracelet. It’s supposed to protect you from most hexes, jinxes and some curses.” James explained. He wondered if he would get into trouble for this later as he knew that it was a quite expensive item but that was something that he would have to worry about after Christmas eve was officially over.

“Thank you…” Severus said, not sure why James gave him such an item but he thought it was pretty and it supposed it could be handy as well.

Then he went to open the last gift, which was a little bigger and that turned out to be a warm soft sweater.

“Thank you, Mr. Potter and Mrs. Potter.” Severus said and he smiled at them, he really liked their gift too.

“Oh please say Euphemia.” Euphemia Potter said sweetly.

Later that night when the boys went to bed, Euphemia cleaned up the mess before she said to her husband: “We can’t really force him to stay here either.”

“We’re not doing that and Eileen, she said she doesn’t want Severus to come home.” Fleamont said.

“I know but is she going to be okay? You saw what she looked like…” Euphemia said.

“I saw yes but I’m sure she’s trying to find a way to escape from him. The thing is I’m not sure if she’ll take back Severus after that.” Fleamont said and he sighed.

“I know… she doesn’t hate him but she doesn’t seem very attached either.” Euphemia said. “But there must be something. She must still somewhat care for him, else she wouldn’t have gifted him those gloves. They were handmade too.” She added.

“Yeah, you’re right…” Fleamont said.

Little did they know that James who had tried to sneak down the stairs, had heard everything. He now felt really bad. ‘Am I forcing him to stay here?’ he thought and with that he ran back upstairs.


	19. Second year: Eileen visits

On Christmas day, Severus and James went to visit Remus at his place and Fleamont was the one who brought them there while Euphemia stayed at home. She cleaned James’ room first before she went into the guest room that Severus used and saw that the boy had tried to keep his room as clean as possible.

“James could learn a thing or two from you, Severus.” She said to herself and then she heard the doorbell ring so she went downstairs.

When she opened door she was surprised to see Eileen again. “I’m sorry for visiting again, Euphemia… I just wanted to ask how he was doing?” Eileen asked softly. She looked horrible to say the least. Frail, distressed and exhausted, just what Severus used to look like. “He’s doing really well, but don’t you want to come in?” Euphemia asked.

“I don’t want him to see me.” Eileen said.

“He’s not here now but I wonder why you don’t want to see him?” Euphemia asked but she let Eileen in anyway. Eileen seemed to hesitate, but then she came in and after Euphemia closed the door behind her, Eileen followed her to the living room.

“Where is Severus if he’s not here?” Eileen asked and she sat down as Euphemia offered her to sit down in the couch.

“He’s with my son and my husband to visit a mutual friend of them.” Euphemia said. “Do you want some tea, Eileen?” She asked.

Eileen shook his head. “I just came to ask if he’s doing fine and to say that you can keep him, Euphemia.”

“Excuse me?” Euphemia asked.

“Y-you can keep him. I don’t want him to come home anymore.” Eileen said.

“Eileen, you’re the one who picked him up last time.” Euphemia reminded the other woman.

“I know that but I won’t do it anymore. It’s too dangerous.” Eileen said softly. “He’s not the same boy anymore. He talks back now. It makes Tobias even angrier and it honestly scares me.” Eileen tried to explain.

“He learned to stand up for himself, Eileen.” Euphemia sighed.

“Like I said, he changed. I honestly don’t recognise him anymore.” Eileen said as she looked down.

“Would you have preferred if he had stayed that little frail boy?” Euphemia asked.

Eileen didn’t say anything on that.

“He didn’t only start defending himself, he also learned to enjoy himself. When he first came here, he wanted to help me out all the time and he would feel guilty about playing around with James. He rarely smiled and now he smiles all the time, he makes jokes, he’s happy.” Euphemia said.

“He smiles?” Eileen asked.

“Yes…” Euphemia said, not sure where Eileen was going with that question.

“The last time I’ve seen him smile is when he was three years old, Euphemia. I don’t believe you.” Eileen said.

“Wait, let me get something.” Euphemia said and she went upstairs to grab the picture album that had given Severus. She knew that the boy had put three pictures in it already. It wasn’t much but it was something. When she was upstairs again she gave the book to Eileen.

“This is a photo album we gave to Severus. James told us that he holds onto pictures they have together so me and my husband thought it was a nice idea to give him this.” Euphemia told and Eileen opened the album. She was surprised as she saw the first picture. It was a picture of her son with a boy she didn’t know, that she guessed to be Euphemia’s son James.

Her son, Severus was smiling brightly in the picture, wearing a flower crown and sitting closely to James who adjusted his flower crown and then smiled brightly as well. The date on the picture was July 7th, 1972. Eileen was shocked to see her son so happy and was even more shocked to see the picture below that.

It was a picture full of kids and one of them was Severus. “Who are they?” Eileen asked.

“I don’t know all of their names but they’re all friends with my son and Severus.” Euphemia said.

“Severus has this many friends? Even two girls?” Eileen asked and then she recognised one girl.

“This is Lily Evans I think?” Eileen guessed and she pointed at the red haired girl in the picture.

“How do you know her?” Euphemia asked.

“She used to hang out with Severus before they went to Hogwarts. Her family lives in the same town as us. Her sister isn’t a very friendly girl. She used to say that Severus was the ‘little brat who turned her sister into a freak’.” Eileen said as she remembered that vividly.

Eileen didn’t even wanted to look at the third picture and she closed the book. “I was disappointed at first when I heard that he was in Gryffindor. But on a second thought, I think it saved him. It didn’t make him a better person but it gave him friends and I’m sure that in Slytherin he would be looked down on. He’s a half blood and you know how most Slytherins are.” Eileen said and she got up after giving the album back to Euphemia.

“Let him stay with you during breaks until he can take care of himself and please ask him to not write me anymore. It’s not that I don’t want any contact but Tobias gets to those letters first, all the time and he burns them or shreds them to pieces before I can read them so spare him the effort by telling that.” Eileen said.

“Eileen, do you really want to leave your son behind like that?” Euphemia asked. “Why don’t you try to leave Tobias instead?” Euphemia added.

“I don’t have anything so if I leave Tobias behind, I won’t have anything to give Severus. We’ll be on the street.” Eileen said.

“But…” Euphemia said.

“I don’t want your money, Euphemia. Just take care of him until he’s ready to do it for himself. That’s all I ask.” Eileen said and after that she quickly left.

Euphemia sighed. She had to tell Fleamont about this later and she had to tell Severus later that he couldn’t send any letters to his mother anymore, because she told that he shouldn’t do that anymore. Euphemia found it hard to do but she had to.

After a long day, Severus and James came home. Euphemia called Severus over for a while and took him aside.

“Did my mom visit?” Severus asked, he could tell it from Euphemia’s facial expression.

“Yes, dear. She wanted to know how you were doing and we were talking for a bit and she asked me to ask you to not send her any letters. She wants to read your letters but your dad won’t let her so it’s better to not write any. Else you might think she doesn’t want to respond and I’m sure she doesn’t want you to think that.” Euphemia said.

“That’s why she didn’t reply last time?” Severus asked, more to himself than to Euphemia. “I should have known.” He muttered and then he nodded. “I won’t do that anymore. Something else? Does she want me to come back home?” Severus asked.

“No dear.” Euphemia shook her head.

“Can I really stay here?” Severus bit his lip.

“As long as you need it.” Euphemia said and she carefully patted Severus’ head but he hugged her.

“Thank you, Mrs. Potter… I mean, Euphemia? I’m sorry, it’s a little weird I guess.” Severus muttered.

“Take all the time you need, Severus.” Euphemia said and she rubbed Severus’ back gently.

James was peeking at them from around the corner and smiled a bit to himself. He really loved his parents. They were not only amazing to him but also to Severus and they treated him like he was their son too and it made James love his parents even more.

“Now, go play with that little mischievous boy over there.” Euphemia chuckled as she of course had noticed James peeking at them.

Severus let go off Euphemia and looked back. “James, listening in on other people’s conversations is rude.” Severus said and she ran over to James.

“I was worried you know.” James huffed and then he took Severus upstairs.

“No need to be worried. Your mom is the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.” Severus said.

“My mom is very sweet huh?” James smiled and he took Severus to his room where they played a little card came but as they fell asleep while doing so, Fleamont ended up cleaning up the cards and putting Severus next to James in bed.

“You could have moved him to his own room, Fleamont.” Euphemia said as her husband got out of the room.

“I know but I didn’t want to wake him. Besides, James’ bed is big enough for two people.” Fleamont said.

Euphemia then told her husband about Eileen’s visit today and Fleamont nodded. “I thought she would say that, Euphemia. But it’s nothing to worry about. He’ll be fine.” Fleamont said.

“Yes.” Euphemia nodded.

"I know it's weird to say because he seems he's doing fine but I worry a lot about our son." Fleamont said.

"James? But why?" Euphemia asked.

"Because he's been acting off lately. No, maybe ever since he brought Severus over for the first time. I'm not blaming Severus for this but ever since his first break here, James has been acting differently. Haven't you noticed?" Fleamont asked.

"Well no, I haven't seen anything off. Are you sure it's not in your head?" Euphemia frowned a bit.

"No." Fleamont frowned too. "I think even though he's only 12 and it might change, who knows? But I think he likes Severus." Fleamont said.

"You mean like...?" Euphemia trailed off.

"Yes but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. I mean maybe he comes in four years to us with a girl he likes. But maybe not. I don't know." Fleamont said.

"Would it matter to you?" Euphemia asked.

"No, not at all. But I'd like him to tell me, I suppose. When he's ready that is." Fleamont said and he went to bed with his wife.

The next morning when Fleamont was up early to read the daily prophet, he was surprised to see his son come downstairs first before Euphemia or Severus.

"Bad dream?" Fleamont asked.

"No, dad. I want to talk." James said.


	20. Second year: Painful memory

“No, dad. I want to talk.” James said and as Fleamont looked up from the newspaper he saw a serious but nervous look on his son’s face. That made him put the newspaper down.

James went to sit down across his dad and looked at his hands a bit before looking up at his dad.

“You’re not going to tell me again that you’re a seeker right? Because you’ve told me that a million times by now.” Fleamont said.

“No, dad. Not this time.” James bit his lip.

“What are you so nervous for, James?” Fleamont got a little worried.

“Because I’m not sure if you’ll think this is okay. I know you and mom aren’t like those traditional pureblood families but I’m still scared.” James said and Fleamont got a bit confused now.

“What would we think is not okay?” Fleamont asked.

James took a deep breath and then said it: “I like boys.”

Fleamont blinked. He had thought that James liked Severus maybe but wasn’t sure or he was imagining that or if that really was the case but now his son told him he liked boys so that made him think of that again.

“I’m sorry for asking this, James but are you sure?” Fleamont asked.

“You don’t believe me?” James asked, a bit offended.

“I do believe you but I just want to make sure.” Fleamont said.

“I’m not sure if I’m going to like the same boy in a couple years than I do now but I’m sure it’s going to be a boy I’m going to like.” James said and the serious expression in his face made Fleamont believe his words even more.

“That’s okay, James.” Fleamont said and for a moment it made him think of something in the past, something that happened during his years at Hogwarts.

“Really dad?” James asked and that brought Fleamont back into the current conversation.

“Yes, James. I mean, I thought I saw something happening when you brought Severus over for the first time but then I thought I might have seen it wrong but now it makes a little more sense, I suppose.” Fleamont said and James looked down.

“He doesn’t get it.” James said.

“Severus doesn’t?” Fleamont asked.

“Yeah, he keeps saying that I can’t really like him or become his boyfriend in the future because we’re both boys.” James said.

“Maybe he’s not old enough yet to get it. Otherwise, it could be the way he was raised. But I would give it some time. If he still says the same thing in three or four years, then I wouldn’t keep pushing it.” Fleamont told.

James nodded to that and then he asked his dad why he was so okay with it.

“Well, me and your mom are…I suppose more accepting of certain things than other pureblood families and this is one of those things but for me it’s partly because I used to have a friend who had a crush on another guy and unfortunately that didn’t end so well but it were different times and most people in the wizarding community had negative opinions about things like that. I think I felt so bad for my friend that I didn’t want to see such things happen anymore. I suppose I wasn’t the only one because after leaving Hogwarts, things started rapidly changing and before I knew it, it was allowed by the Ministry of Magic for two male or two female wizards to get married. However it only applied to wizards because of the conflicting laws for muggles back then and actually, muggles still haven’t progressed in that area.” Fleamont told.

“D-did your friend eventually get married to the one he liked?” James asked after listening to his father’s words.

“No he…gave up.” Fleamont said softly.

James was speechless now. Even with the current laws, what if Severus kept rejecting him? Would he end up like that too?

“James, don’t think about it too much please. You’re still a kid. He’s still a kid. There’s enough time still. And even if he doesn’t end up liking you, I’m sure there’s some other guy that will catch your attention.” Fleamont said.

James nodded at that and then Euphemia came downstairs too and when she saw James at the table with her husband, she was a little surprised to see James was awake before her. She wanted to ask James how he woke up so early but James got up and quickly ran upstairs again.

“James?” Euphemia asked.

“Yes mom?” James stopped but didn’t look back.

“Are you okay?” Euphemia asked.

“Yes. I just wanted to talk to dad. I’ll go wake up Severus now.” James and he continued his way upstairs.

Euphemia then looked at her husband who looked back at his newspaper.

“What was that about?” Euphemia asked.

“Hmm? It was something serious but nothing to worry about, Euphemia. But I can’t tell you, he should tell you himself.” Fleamont said.

“Are you okay though, dear? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Euphemia said and Fleamont looked up.

“I’ve been reminded of something terrible in the past. That’s all.” Fleamont said softly.

“What exactly?” Euphemia sat down next to her husband.

“Edward…” Fleamont said and he took off his glasses and leaned his head against Euphemia’s shoulder.

“I haven’t heard that name in ages. What made you think of him again?” Euphemia asked.

“Something that James told me.” Fleamont muttered which made Euphemia look a little confused.

“I really can’t tell you what he told me, he should tell that to you. Nobody else should.” Fleamont said.

“Whatever it is, Fleamont. What happened to Edward back then is not your fault.” Euphemia said.

“I was his friend, Euphemia. I could have done something.” Fleamont muttered.

“You weren’t the one who he…” Euphemia argued.

“Still! And I’m scared James will end up the same way. Things might have changed, people might have changed but there’s still so much that can be better.” Fleamont said.

“Fleamont, what does have James have to do with this?” Euphemia asked.

“I like boys but dad shouldn’t be scared. I will make sure that thing isn’t going to happen. So dad, please don’t think about it.” James said determined as he was back downstairs.

Severus stood next to him and he and Euphemia both looked at James in shock.

“Oh, James…come here.” Euphemia told him as she realised what he and her husband had been talking about now.

James ran over to his mom and he smiled a little when his mom hugged him. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Euphemia asked.

“I was a little scared.” James admitted.

Severus still stood there in shock and he didn’t really get why the Potters were so accepting of James’ confession.

‘Why aren’t they angry?’ Severus thought as he knew his parents would be. He knew at least his dad would be. He didn’t know that the wizarding world had progressed further on this topic than the muggles. It of course wasn’t perfect yet as some things still needed change for the better but marriage between two wizards of the same sex was allowed as well as owning property and relationships between two wizards of the same sex couldn’t be punished in any way by the Ministry of Magic.

“Severus, what’s wrong?” James noticed his facial expression.

“I don’t get it.” Severus admitted.

Euphemia and Fleamont looked a little confused but then James said: “I heard from Lily that it’s taboo in the muggle world but it’s accepted in our world, Severus.”

“It is?” Severus asked.

“Yes, ever since 1967, so not that long yet but… it’s accepted by the law and most families are accepting towards this kind of thing too. Well except for pureblood families with conservative values.” Fleamont told.

“I didn’t know.” Severus said softly and he went to sit at the table. “But now I do, I’m sorry for saying such hateful stuff to you, James.” Severus apologised.

“It’s fine. Although I didn’t get it at first, Lily explained it to me. But now you know, please don’t do it anymore?” James looked at him.

“I won’t.” Severus promised.

“I’ll make some breakfast, can you make the table, dear?” Euphemia looked at Fleamont and before he could say he would make the table, both boys said: “I’ll do it.”

“Are you going to make the table without magic?” Euphemia asked as Severus and James weren’t allowed to use magic outside of Hogwarts until they were 17.

“Of course.” James said and Severus nodded. They went to get everything that needed to go on the table.

“Don’t drop anything.” Fleamont teased even though he could easily fix that.

“I won’t, dad.” James said and he followed Severus’ example as he seemed to know what to do.

Once the table was ready, Euphemia came in with the food.

“Look, mom, I didn’t drop anything.” James said proudly.

“Didn’t Severus do most of the work though?” Euphemia chuckled.

“Mom…” James whined.

“Good work, both of you.” Euphemia said and she gave the boys their breakfast first before giving some to her husband and to herself.

“What are we doing today, dad?” James asked.

“Did you forget that some of your friends are coming over?” Fleamont asked.

“I forgot.” James admitted.

“I thought it was Peter coming over and Alice?” Severus guessed.

“Sirius and Lily too. If Sirius actually manages to come that is.” James said.

“How so?” Fleamont asked.

“His parents are very strict, I’m not sure if they would let him.” James said and after breakfast, the doorbell rang.

Fleamont went to get the door and as he opened the door he saw a red headed girl with bright green eyes, accompanied by a woman that Fleamont assumed was the girls mother. James quickly joined his dad at the door and as he saw Lily, he smiled. “Hi, Lily.” James said and then politely greeted Lily’s mom. “Hello, Mrs. Evans.” He said before he pulled Lily inside.

“I will pick her up again by three.” Mrs. Evans said and after waving at her daughter she said goodbye to Mr. Potter and left.

“I told my parents.” James said as he watched her take her coat off.

“And what did they say?” Lily asked curiously.

“My dad said it was okay and my mom hugged me.” James said.

“Oh that’s good, James.” Lily smiled.

“Yeah, I have to tell Peter and Sirius though. I assume Remus has noticed already. I’m not worried about Peter’s reaction but I am about Sirius’.” James said.

“Because of his family?” Lily guessed.

“Yeah, he was raised with that kind of values and I’m not sure if he shares those or not.” James said.

“Surely he doesn’t. If he was sharing their values, he wouldn’t hang out with Severus, Remus and Peter and he especially wouldn’t with me.” Lily said.

“I know but that’s not exactly the same.” James said.

Soon Peter and Alice had arrived too and after some time, Sirius was dropped off by his father and he would later be picked up by a house elf.

“I’m surprised that he even let you out of the house, mate.” James said as the others were playing in the snow already.

“Hmm, why isn’t Remus here?” Sirius asked.

“He turned two nights prior so he still wasn’t a state to go outside.” James said.

Sirius nodded at that, looking quite worried and then he decided to put it out of his mind for now and play along with Peter, Severus and the girls but James held him back.

“There’s something I want to tell you.” James said.

“What is it?” Sirius asked.

“I like boys.” James said bluntly.

Sirius pulled a face at first which worried James. “Mate, really?” Sirius asked.

“That doesn’t mean I like you, Sirius. I like Severus, even though he doesn’t get it yet. That’s okay with me for now.” James said.

That softened Sirius’ face a little bit. “I kind of discussed this with Remus before. He thought you had a massive crush on Severus.” Sirius told.

“It’s not a massive crush.” James whispered, in embarrassment.

Sirius frowned a little as if saying he didn’t believe James.

“Okay maybe it is…” James sighed.

“Then if that’s the case, don’t let him run off with some other guy or… who knows? A girl?” Sirius said.

“I can’t control who he likes but I’ll make sure that he pays attention to me as well.” James grinned a bit.

“Yeah, just don’t do anything too weird?” Sirius groaned a little.

Fleamont stared down at the gravestone in front of him and with a sigh he magically put some flowers at the gravestone and removed the snow that covered the stone.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you enough, Edward but I’ll make sure that history doesn’t repeat itself.” Fleamont said softly and then he left the graveyard.


	21. Second year: 13th Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter but I promise the next one will be longer again.

“Happy birthday, Severus!” his four roommates said and Peter held up a bag of candy. “Don’t tell me you’re going to eat that all by yourself, Pete.” Severus said as he sat up in bed. He was still a bit sleepy as his friends thought it was a genius idea to wish him a happy birthday first thing in the morning.

“No, this is for you, Severus.” Peter said.

“All of it?” Severus asked and he was a bit surprised but Peter nodded and put the bag of candy in Severus’ face.

“I got you a book with difficult charms and other types of spells.” Remus said and he held up a book.

“I got you a James Potter.” Sirius joked to which Severus rolled his eyes, before he held up something.

“What is that?” Severus asked confused by seeing the box that Sirius was holding.

“It’s soap.” Sirius said and that made James almost hit him.

“Mate, it’s magical soap!” Sirius said quickly.

“What’s magical about it?” Severus asked and he took the box and as he opened it, a small ordinary looking soap bar laid in it.

“You can’t use it up and when using it, it smells like the users favourite scent.” Sirius said.

“It’s an odd gift but thank you and thank you for the book as well.” Severus said and he looked at James but he wasn’t holding up anything and he looked kind of upset that he came empty handed.

“It’s fine, James. You’re not obligated to give me anything.” Severus said. James smiled faintly in return but he didn’t say anything, still feeling very guilty about it but before Severus could assure him that such feelings were not needed, Remus reminded it was time for breakfast.

“Can I get some space to get dressed then?” Severus asked.

His friends quickly got the message and they went away from his bed. “We’ll be in the common room waiting for you.” Remus said as they were already fully dressed. Remus went first together with Sirius. Peter ran after them and James then was about to leave too but then went over to Severus again and he quickly kissed his cheek before he ran off as fast as he could.

‘Why did I do that?’ he thought immediately to himself but it wasn’t something that he could take back as it had already happened.

Severus blinked and he touched his cheek as he tried to figure out what it could mean but he figured it was just to replace the gift that James didn’t have for him. ‘I told him he didn’t have to feel bad.’ Severus thought with a sigh and then he got out of bed to get dressed, not knowing James’ true intentions.

Later that day, Lily gave Severus a cake that she had asked the house elves to make for him and as Severus blew the candles out.

“Did you make a wish?” She asked, much to the confusion of James and Sirius.

“It’s a muggle thing.” Peter explained.

Severus then nodded. ‘May my wish come true.’ Severus thought.

“What did you wish for?” James asked.

“I can’t tell.” Severus said. “That jinxes it.” he explained.

“Then I hope your wish comes true, if even wishes come true to begin with.” Sirius said.

“Sometimes they do.” Lily said and Severus nodded as he had one before that came true recently.

“Anyway, I hope the Gryffindor team wins today.” Sirius said and he looked at James.

“We definitely will.” James said determined.

“I will cheer for you.” Severus smiled and that made James feel even more confident.

After all classes ended the Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff started. While James played in the match, the other marauders sat in the audience amongst the other students. Severus sat in between Lily and Peter. On Lily’s other side sat Alice and on Peter’s other side sat Remus and Sirius. Peter started loudly cheering when a goal was made in Gryffindor’s favour and Severus kept calm at first but after some time he joined in cheering for the team, but especially for James who was doing his very best to catch the snitch.

During all of it, Lily managed to ask what Severus got from James as she was curious what the boy had gotten for her best friend.

“A kiss on my cheek…” Severus whispered in her ear.

“Weird right?” he added and Lily just nodded but she actually knew why James did that but she promised to not tell Severus.

Then James did it, he managed to catch the snitch and that concluded the match with Gryffindor as it’s winner.

Severus cheered loudly, just like Peter and Sirius did. James noticed his friends cheering for him and it made him smile brightly.

Afterwards James got congratulated a lot by fellow Gryffindors and though he loved the attention, he wanted to let his parents know so he broke away from the crowd and went to his room to proudly let his parents know of his achievement.

He was sure that they would also be very proud of him.

After writing the letter he quickly went to bring it to his owl and then he met up with his friends.

“Shall we pull a prank tonight?” Sirius asked.

“Honestly, maybe tomorrow. I’m tired.” James said.

“Our little champion is tired huh?” Remus mocked.

“Quidditch is exhausting okay?” James sighed and he quickly went up to his room.

Sirius rolled his eyes. “I’d like to see you try it and not be tired afterwards, Sirius.” Severus said.

“Challenging me, are we?” Sirius asked.

“You wouldn’t be able to make the team.” Remus said.

“Watch me!” Sirius huffed and he couldn’t believe that his friends thought like that.

“Come on, let’s all go to bed and get a good night’s rest. Tomorrow we have classes again.” Remus said.

“Ugh…I want vacation.” Sirius whined.

“Already? You just had one.” Severus chuckled and the four boys got to their room and got ready for bed.

“I truly every single class except Transfiguration.” Sirius complained but his friends just laughed with him.


	22. Second year: The past (seventh year Fleamont Potter)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions/depictions of suicide and depression but not described in details.

_50 years earlier…_

“If someone else is going to mock me again for my name, I swear I’ll make them bald and make them dance on the dinner tables in the great hall.” Fleamont said, obviously irritated. Fleamont was accompanied by his friend Edward Brown and his girlfriend Euphemia.

“Just let them.” Edward said and as some Ravenclaw students walked by, Edward’s eyes followed the Ravenclaw student that leaded the little group.

“…Right?” Edward just could Fleamont say. “What?” Edward asked and he looked back.

“Seriously, Edward. If you’re going to keep being distracted by Simons, you might as well tell me why? I know he’s the Quidditch Captain of the Ravenclaw team but still.” Fleamont said but Edward shook his head.

“Fine then do you know what I asked you?” Fleamont asked but Edward shook his head once again.

“I’m going to the library.” Edward made up and he ran away.

“You didn’t need to be that harsh, Fleamont.” Euphemia sighed and Fleamont looked at her. “I’m going after him. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said to Euphemia before he went after Edward.

He easily caught up to him and held him back. “Edward, let’s talk about it?” Fleamont asked as he knew there was something on the other Gryffindor’s mind. Edward looked up and his usual bright blue eyes looked sad.

“I’m not sure if you’d understand.” Edward said.

“I can’t understand if you don’t tell me.” Fleamont told and Edward looked down.

“You want to talk somewhere more privately?” Fleamont then guessed.

Edward only nodded before Fleamont pointed to the bridge. “Let’s talk there.” Fleamont said before he went ahead.

Edward followed him there and as they were on the bridge, he looked in front of him and sighed deeply.

“Ed, you must be holding something really big if you’re sighing like that.” Fleamont said and he looked in front of him as well.

“Fleamont, don’t you remember how you acted when you found out you fell in love with Euphemia?” Edward asked.

“I wasn’t sighing like this. Wait, you’re not in love with her right?” Fleamont asked and he looked at his friend who frowned.

“No!” Edward said as he couldn’t even imagine that.

“Then what is it?” Fleamont asked.

“I’m in love…” Edward said dryly.

“Congrats, Ed. Th—” Fleamont said but he got interrupted by Edward before he could finish what he was about to say.

“…with Alan Simons.” Edward added and he looked down to his feet now.

“Oh…OH!” Fleamont realised what he meant. “Really?” Fleamont asked, not knowing what else to say.

“Yes, so that’s why I have been looking at him all the time. I… just can’t keep my eyes off him. He’s a Quidditch Captain, the best chaser out there….” Edward muttered.

“Merlin, don’t say that last part to Stewart though, he’d kill you.” Fleamont laughed and it made Edward laugh shortly too.

“But I have to admit, Stewart isn’t that good. At least not comparing to Simons.” Fleamont said and Edward nodded but then he looked down again.

“Ed, I know why you’re scared. But believe me when I say that I don’t think this will change anything between us. You’re still my best and only friend.” Fleamont said and he patted Edwards shoulder.

Edward was surprised to hear this but he smiled a little bit. However it didn’t take him long before he looked down again.

“I’ve got to tell him, don’t I?” Edward asked and without waiting for an answer he walked off.

Fleamont called after him to wait as he really didn’t think this was a good idea but Edward would listen to him.

Fleamont tried following Edward but he eventually lost track of him so he met up again with Euphemia in the great hall.

“Where’s Edward?” Euphemia asked.

“Euphemia…” Fleamont sat a little closer to her. “Not here, Fleamont.” Euphemia wanted to push him off.

“I have to tell you something but I can’t let anyone else hear.” Fleamont said before he leaned closer to Euphemia again. “It’s Edward, he likes Simons, you know Alan Simons.” Fleamont whispered.

“Everyone likes Simons, Fleamont.” Euphemia whispered. “He’s very popular.” She added.

“I don’t mean it like that Euphemia…he loves him, like I love you.” Fleamont whispered and Euphemia’s eyes got big.

“Really?” She asked and Fleamont nodded.

“Where is he now?” Euphemia asked.

“He’s going to tell him. I tried to catch up to him to hold him back but I couldn’t.” Fleamont said.

“Find him before he tells Simons. You know this won’t end well.” Euphemia said.

Fleamont got up again and left the great hall to go find his friend but it took him quite some time before he found him. He eventually did find him in their dorm room.

“Edward?” he asked carefully but Edward wasn’t responding. He was looking up at the sky through their window. Fleamont pulled him away from the window as he was afraid something would happen if he looked away for even a split second.

“He… was finally alone so I took my chance.” Edward muttered.

“But he ran away and told everyone he came across. I’m sure it’ll take only a few hours or so before the whole school knows about it.” He continued.

“I tried to hold you back, I knew this wasn’t going to go well.” Fleamont said.

“I wish I never met him…I wish I never…” Edward whispered and he teared up.

“Edward, he’s not worth your pain, you hear me? You deserve someone who’s not ashamed of these feelings, someone who sees you for who you really are and just doesn’t look at the fact that you’re a guy.” Fleamont comforted his friend.

Edward nodded but he found Fleamont’s words hard to believe.

The next morning as Edward walked through the halls of Hogwarts, he could feel all eyes prying on him. Comments were thrown at him but no one dared to take it beyond that because Fleamont was walking with him and he was known to quickly throw some spells back if you tried attacking him or anyone that he cared for.

Days passed by and things didn’t become better until one day Alan Simons walked up to the Gryffindor table.

“Brown? Come with me?” He asked and Edward’s dull, sad eyes lighted up a little and he got up to follow him but Fleamont got up as well.

“I said, Brown. Not Potter as well.” Alan spat and he glared at him.

Fleamont glared back at him but sat back down and he saw Edward leave the great hall, walking behind Alan Simons.

Fleamont wasn’t going to leave it at this though and he went after them. When he left the great hall, he put the invisibility cloak on and continued to follow his friend and Simons.

The Ravenclaw didn’t say a word to Edward at all until they had reached the prefect’s bathroom. ‘What is his intention with taking Edward here?’ Fleamont thought. Edward was not a prefect.

Then Fleamont saw something he didn’t expect to see. He saw Simons pulling his best friend into a passionate kiss. Edward seemed to be very surprised too but he gladly kissed Alan back.

‘Merlin… I have to leave before they get steamy.’ Fleamont thought to himself and he quickly but silently shuffled out of the prefects bathroom.

“Good for him, I suppose..” Fleamont said to himself when he had taken the cloak off and walked through the halls.

Fleamont didn’t think anything bad could happen and was happy for his friend, especially when Edward came back to his room late at night, giggling a little. Only Fleamont was still awake and he was happy to see his friend smile so brightly. Edward went to bed and as he laid down he looked over to Fleamont.

“He’s thinking about dating me…secretly that is but he’s thinking about it, he said. Isn’t that wonderful?” Edward asked. He couldn’t be more happy right now.

“That’s wonderful. I hope things change soon though so you can actually date each other officially.” Fleamont smiled.

“We had sex…” Edward then said.

“Okay, Ed. That’s something I didn’t want to know.” Fleamont took his glasses off.

“I’m sorry, but you tell me all the time too when you have it with Euphemia.” Edward laid on his stomach.

“I guess that’s fair then. Sorry, I won’t do that anymore.” Fleamont said awkwardly and he dimmed his wand so the room was completely dark now.

“Good night, Fleamont.” Edward said.

“Good night, Edward.” Fleamont replied tiredly.

The happiness of Edward was sadly short lived as the day after he witnessed Alan make out with the Ravenclaw head girl. It broke his heart and even though he kept trying to talk it out with Alan, nothing really came out of it, not even after their last year at Hogwarts ended. Although, Edward never made it home again because after officially graduating, Edward casted one of the unforgivable curses on himself in his room while his roommates were still in the common room.

As one of them came in, he shrieked seeing Edward’s dead body on the floor.

“Oh come on, Wilson, stop screaming.” Fleamont said as he was still on the stairs.

“Brown, he…he…” Wilson got pale and looked as if he was going to faint.

“Is he naked again?” their other roommate joked who stood behind Fleamont but Fleamont himself ran in, as Edward had been very depressed lately and he was worried about him.

He expected him to have harmed himself or hexed himself with something horrifying but something that was able to be reversed but he didn’t expect Edward to lay dead on the floor, close to his bed.

Fleamont rushed to him but without even checking for any sign of life, he knew that his friend was gone.

“No…Edward…” Fleamont whispered and he pulled his friend closer. This was all Alan Simons fault, Fleamont knew that deeply on the inside but he still couldn’t help but feel as if he didn’t do enough to safe him.

_Current time: 1973_

“Edward Brown, a student that was able to graduate but never made it out of Hogwarts.” Severus read to Peter.

“Why did he never make it out of Hogwarts though?” Peter asked.

“He…casted that curse on himself. It’s not written down why but something terrible must have happened for him to resort to that.” Severus said.

“That’s just depressing.” Peter sighed before he thought of something. “Is there a picture of him?” He asked.

“Let me look…” Severus looked at the name of the student again and then of the year and then went to look back to graduation pictures. “Here, he’s supposed to be on this one, it’s from 50 years ago but I’m not sure which one he’s supposed to be?” Severus showed the page to Peter who then pointed at one of the guys on the picture. “What about this one, he looks so out of it.” Peter noticed the expression on the guys face.

Severus looked at the guy that Peter pointed at and then saw the guy that stood next to that oddly looked a lot like Fleamont Potter, James’ dad.

“Oh no, I think that Edward Brown was James’ fathers friend.” Severus said.

“Why?” Peter asked.

“Look at the guy next to Edward Brown.” Severus said.

“He looks like James’ dad a bit.” Peter agreed.

“Indeed and I think I heard James’ dad mention that he lost a friend… and I think this is that friend.” Severus said.

“Did James’ father say what happened?” Peter asked.

“Not to me but I’m not going to ask, I don’t want to bring painful memories back.” Severus said and he closed the book.

“Let’s go do something fun, Severus.” Peter suggested and Severus agreed to this and so after putting the book away, he quickly left the library with Peter.


	23. Second year: Glitter bomb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter again but that's due me being sad over last chapter. I almost cried a little writing that, I can't help it, I'm a very emotional person.

“If we keep it working at the current pace, we’ll become animagi in fourth or fifth year, which may sound like a long time but it’s quick considering how difficult this process is and taking into account that we’re kids and not full grown wizards or Transfiguration masters.” Severus said. It was close to the end of the year again and Severus, Sirius, Peter and James had made quite some process on becoming animagi but they still had a long way to go before they were ready.

“When should we tell Remus though?” Sirius asked.

“Maybe when we’re close to finishing?” James guessed and he got up.

They had been taking potions and doing everything else they needed in order to do to become animagi in the girls bathroom as the bathrooms on the floor they were on were rarely visited.

“Why is this girls bathroom never used?” Peter asked as they never saw a girl walk in while they were there. Luckily for them of course but Peter couldn’t help but find it strange as it was a girls bathroom after all.

“Because of Moaning Myrtle.” Severus said and he got up as well after gathering the books he brought with him.

“Who is Moaning Myrtle?” James asked.

“She’s a ghost who haunts the girls bathroom on this floor. She died at Hogwarts.” Severus said and Sirius frowned as he got up too.

“No wonder not many girls come here. Can you imagine a ghost bothering you while you poop?” Sirius asked.

“That’s the first thing you think about…” Severus sighed and as Peter got up too, the group left the girls bathroom.

“Severus, be glad he thinks about poop instead of something else.” James muttered.

“Eww, mate. I’m not like you.” Sirius said.

“Oh you guys are going to be fun when you become horny teenagers.” Severus remarked, his voice layered with heavy sarcasm.

“Severus!” Peter gasped.

“Not you, Pete. Just Sirius and James.” Severus patted Peter’s head.

“You never know.” Sirius threw back.

“That’s also true.” Severus agreed to that.

Then Severus remembered something. “Let’s meet up with Remus before he thinks we got lost in the castle.” Severus said as he wanted to share his idea with all the marauders so he needed Remus to be present too.

When they found him Remus asked where they had been so Severus made up that they almost got lost.

“I wonder what you guys are up to lately, you often get almost lost.” Remus said.

“Nothing special, Remus.” Peter said.

“Besides that, I have an idea.” Severus smirked.

“Oh no, I don’t like that face.” Peter shivered.

“I do…” James smiled.

“Okay weirdo…” Sirius frowned.

“What’s your idea, Severus?” Remus asked.

“Well, I thought on sneaking some bombs into the great hall again?” Severus asked.

“Dung bombs?” Sirius frowned.

“No, better. Glitter bombs. When they explode, everyone will be covered in glitter. Students and staff.” Severus told.

“But we don’t have any of those?” Remus guessed.

“I made some in my free time.” Severus said before he took some out of his robes.

“What do you do in your free time, mate?” Sirius asked.

“Apparently he makes glitter bombs in his free time.” Peter said as he looked at the glittery looking things in Severus’ hands.

“Are you guys in on this?” Severus asked and James immediately grabbed one.

“Of course.” He smiled and Severus looked at him before looking at the other three marauders.

Sirius and Peter grabbed one too and Remus grabbed one as last.

“Dinner is about to start, let’s wait until the great hall is filled and then we throw them in.” Severus said as they walked into the direction of the great hall.

As they arrived there, the great hall had filled up quite a bit and as Lily was about to enter, Severus held her back.

“Severus?” Lily asked.

“Don’t go in.” Severus said. “Unless you want to be covered head to toe in red and gold glitter.” He added.

“Who’s idea is this?” Lily asked as she saw all of them holding a glittery ball.

“Severus.” the other marauders said.

“No way…” Lily said but Severus then confirmed it with a nod.

“You totally have corrupted him.” Lily said before she stood back a little when Severus and four other boys got ready to throw the glitter bombs in.

Severus counted down before they all threw their glitter bombs in before running back a little as the bombs either bounced against something or someone before they exploded and covered every one in the great hall in red and gold glitter. That was including the teaching staff and the headmaster.

Albus found it a little funny though but Minerva on the other had was furious. “How can you laugh at this, Albus?” Minerva asked.

“I think it’s pretty creative.” Albus said.

Outside of the great hall, Severus and the other marauders saw the chaos unfold itself in front of them.

Severus started laughing a little and the other marauders laughed with him but Lily didn’t see the fun in it at first but she eventually chuckled a little a bit.

“You’re so going to get detention for this.” Lily then said.

“Oh I know.” Severus smirked a little when he stopped laughing. He knew that he was going to get detention for this from the start but he just wanted to have a little fun with his friends.

“I never thought you’d do things like this but I’m glad you’re having fun either way.” Lily said.

“Thank them for it…” Severus smiled as he meant the marauders. “Some day I will, but for now I will keep to the belief that they have corrupted my best friend.” Lily said.

“That’s fair, I suppose.” Lily said.

And of course Severus, Sirius, James, Peter and Remus got all in detention for the glitter bomb prank but despite it being detention, they had a great time as they cleaned the trophy hall. It was supposed to be under supervision from Filch but he got too busy patrolling the halls.

A few more weeks passed, the end of year tests came and the five boys and Lily passed all of their tests.

“Ready for next year?” Severus asked as they stood on the platform, ready to get on the train.

“Definitely not. I hate having even more subjects.” Sirius complained.

“Stop complaining, Sirius.” Remus sighed as they got on the train.

“If he wouldn’t complain, he wouldn’t be Sirius Black.” Peter joked.

“Very funny, Pete.” Sirius said.


	24. Second year: Summer at the Potters

“You’ve chosen your subjects already?” James asked. Summer had just started and as he and Severus were sitting outside in the grass, James watched the other boy looking through a potion book.

“Yes, I’ve chosen for Divination because I wanted to take a class together with Lily and I’m going to take Care of Magical Creatures too.” Severus said.

“Now that you say it I might go for the same.” James said.

“Why don’t you take Muggle Studies instead of Divination?” Severus asked.

“Because I maybe really want to see the future?” James saw Severus look up with a frown on his face and then Severus snorted.

“Don’t tell me you actually believe in that crap.” Severus said.

“Maybe I do, just a little bit.” James said and Severus rolled his eyes, not believing James actually said that he might believe a little in such nonsense.

Then Severus got serious and he closed the book that was laying on his lap. “I think I’ve seen something about your father’s friend.” Severus said.

“Oh…” James looked up at the sky.

“Do you want to know what happened?” Severus asked.

“Is it disturbing?” James asked.

“Rather sad.” Severus said. “But I don’t know the reason why, I guess he only told you why his friend passed.” Severus guessed.

“Yeah he told me why so…how?” James asked softly.

“Killing curse.” Severus said and he looked at the grass.

“Someone killed him?” James asked with big eyes.

“No, he casted it on himself.” Severus whispered.

“Oh no…” James gasped and he looked at Severus.

“He… just had graduated but he still did it in the castle. It didn’t specify where but I’m sure your dad must have seen something which is truly scarring, I imagine.” Severus said.

James didn’t say anything to that and just leaned against Severus. “My dad said it was because his friend gave up…on his one true love.” James told softly.

Severus didn’t know what to say that and just leaned against James as well. After a while they actually both fell asleep so when Euphemia called them for dinner but they didn’t react, Fleamont went to check on them and as he saw the scene in front of him, he snapped a picture. It woke Severus up and as he realised that Mr. Potter was standing there he shook James awake.

“I think we were called for dinner.” Severus said and Fleamont confirmed that by saying that James’ mother had indeed called them for dinner.

James got up first before holding his hand out to Severus and as the boy got his hand, James easily pulled him up.

As they got in the house, both boys apologised to Euphemia. “We fell asleep.” Severus told and James nodded before he sat down at the table.

“Well I hope you didn’t sleep for too long then so you can still sleep tonight.” Euphemia said.

“I don’t think we slept for that long, mom.” James said and as everyone sat down, he started eating. At Hogwarts he didn’t have much table manners but at home, he ate neatly and made sure to finish everything. It surprised Severus sometimes because he knew what James ate like at Hogwarts but he of course, didn’t tell James’ mom about this.

“Mom, did I tell you already about that time that I caught the snitch within 25 minutes.” James said as he watched his mom clean up with magic after dinner.

“Yes, James. This is the 10th time you’ve mentioned already and you’ve just arrived two days ago.” Euphemia said.

“Sorry mom, but I’m just so proud of myself. Aren’t you proud of me?” James asked.

“Of course I am.” Euphemia smiled at her son.

Severus in the meanwhile went upstairs and as he wanted to lay down on James’ bed, he saw the book he gifted to James last year so he walked over to it and as he touched the cover he wondered what kind of password James used to lock it.

“Marauders?” he guessed but the book didn’t budge.

“Quidditch?” he guessed again but the book still didn’t move one bit.

“I guess I’ll have to think about this more…” Severus whispered to himself before he heard the door open.

“Are you trying to open my journal, Severus?” James asked as he walked into the room and Severus looked embarrassed as he just got caught trying to do something that he shouldn’t been doing.

“Uhm…” Severus tried to come up with an excuse.

“It’s fine, Severus but you’ve got to think a little better about the password. If you really know me though, you would be able to crack it easily.” James said.

“Wait? You would let me read it if I was able to crack it?” Severus asked in confusion.

“Yeah, because I trust you.” James smiled at him.

“Anyway, let’s play a card game before we go to bed?” James then suggested.

“Yeah sure.” Severus agreed, still a little confused as to why James would just let him read his journal if he was able to crack the password.

James took the card game out and as soon the both boys sat on the bed, they started playing. They played for some time until James started yawning.

“Let’s just go to bed, James.” Severus said and James’ sleepy mind misunderstood it a little.

“You want to sleep in my bed as well?” James asked.

“No?” Severus frowned and he gathered the cards before putting them aside. “Good night, James.” Severus said and he left the room.

“Why did I even assume that?” James sighed and he laid down on his bed for a little bit before sitting up again. He got changed into his pyjamas and as he was about to go to bed, he heard his mom and dad talking in the hall.

“It’s like we have two sons…” Euphemia said softly.

“Yeah…” Fleamont agreed.

“I’m so happy we got James but sometimes I just wondered if we had James earlier, would we have tried for another?” Euphemia asked.

“Maybe yes. But even though that’s not going to happen, I’m so happy that we got James.” Fleamont said.

“Yes, when we least expected it too.” Euphemia smiled a little.

James decided to not listen to their conversation any longer as it didn’t really interest him. He went to bed and soon he fell asleep.

“I’m going out, just for a little. Wilson asked me to meet up.” Fleamont said and he kissed his wife.

“Sure, don’t make it too late okay?” Euphemia asked but she knew she could trust Fleamont.

“Of course not, dear.” Fleamont assured her and went downstairs while Euphemia checked up on James first before checking up on Severus.

“Severus, don’t make it too late?” Euphemia asked as she saw Severus sitting up in bed with a book in his hands.

“I won’t… but Euphemia, can I ask something?” Severus asked as he looked up from his book. He still had to get used to calling James’ mom by her name but she preferred if he called her that so Severus tried to do so.

“Yes, what is it, dear?” Euphemia asked as she came inside and closed the door.

“Is James okay?” Severus asked. “He’s been acting so weird lately and everyone but me seems to know why.” Severus said, feeling a little frustrated. Nobody would tell him what was going on with James while they seemed to know. Even Peter seemed to know.

“He’s okay dear, he’s just a little awkward because he has a crush on someone.” Euphemia said.

“On who?” Severus asked, not being aware of it, despite all the signs and obvious things that James said or did to let him know of his crush on him.

Euphemia couldn’t believe the boy hadn’t noticed yet but she decided not to tell him as it wasn’t her that was supposed to tell this. She was in no place to.

“I’m not sure, Severus. But maybe he’ll tell you someday. When he’s ready.” Euphemia said.

“I bet it’s Lily… despite him telling he likes boys. I mean, it must be Lily. He talks to her all the time when me and the other guys aren’t with him.” Severus said.

Euphemia couldn’t believe her ears but still she decided to not correct Severus on this. “Who knows? Again, Severus… don’t make it too late okay?” She reminded him and then she left the room again.

‘I can’t believe he’s that dense for such a smart boy.’ Euphemia thought.

A few days later, as James and Severus were sitting in the grass together like they spend most of their summer days.

Severus laid down in the grass on his stomach while James was trying to make a flower crown without using any magic.

“How do muggles do things like this?” James asked as he found it hard to keep everything together without the magic. “It keeps falling apart.” James whined and it made Severus look up.

“That’s because you’re doing it wrong.” Severus said and he sat up. He showed the other how to properly keep it together and in the process his hands made contact with James’. “You do it like this.” Severus said and James just nodded as he was a little speechless.

‘His hands are so soft. I want to hold them.’ James thought and even though the thought was very innocent, his cheeks flushed red.

“It’s pretty hot today huh?” Severus asked as he misunderstood the reason that James was blushing.

“Yeah…” James nodded as he didn’t want to ruin the moment by saying that he was getting for another reason.

“Look now, the flower crown won’t fall apart.” Severus then said and he thought James would put it on his own head or bring it to his mother or something but he was surprised when James put the flower crown on his head. It made Severus think back to the Halloween costume he wore and the picture from last summer.

“You like putting flower crowns on my head, don’t you?” Severus asked.

“Yes, because they look good on you.” James complimented.

“Really?” Severus asked.

“Yeah, you’re always cute but this makes you look pretty as well.” James said shyly.

“I don’t think that are the words that I’d use to describe the way I look.” Severus looked away.

“I’m not sure who told you otherwise but don’t listen to them.” James said and although Severus still didn’t really get the intention behind James’ words, he smiled.

“Thank you, James.” Severus said.


	25. Third year: Bad start

Before Severus could follow James onto the train, Mr. Potter held him back and placed a little red sack in his hand. Severus looked curiously at it before Mr. Potter explained that it was pocket money.

“Your mother signed the form so you can go to Hogsmeade and me and Euphemia decided you should be able to have some pocket money.” Fleamont said and he smiled kindly.

“Oh but I don’t think I…” Severus felt as if he didn’t deserve to get this.

“Take it, Severus.” Fleamont said and Severus looked up at the older man before he thanked him.

Fleamont smiled back at him and then told him to go on the train before it left so Severus nodded, surprised Fleamont with a quick hug and then he got on the train.

“That took you long enough.” James said.

“Your dad gave me some pocket money.” Severus said. “Don’t tell me you’re behind that too?” He asked but James shook his head.

“I didn’t even knew they were going to give you money. But it’s good they did. Maybe you can get some potion ingredients instead of sneakily taking them from Slughorn’s office or the Potions classroom.” James said.

“Let’s go look for a place to sit.” Severus said and James nodded as he went after him. They passed some compartments together, not noticing Remus and Sirius sitting together in one compartment.

Severus then looked back all of sudden.

“What’s wrong, Severus?” James asked.

“I have the feeling we just passed Remus and Sirius but I’m not sure?” Severus said with a frown and walked back as James went out of his way.

Then Severus stopped in front of one of the compartments and as James joined his side, he said: “No wonder I didn’t notice them at first.”

Sirius’ hair was cut pretty short comparing to how it looked before. It had reached his shoulders before but now it barely covered his ears. He had grown a bit but not as much as Remus.

“Why is Sirius laying with his head on Remus’ lap?” James asked and he didn’t wait for an answer from Severus and just opened the compartment.

This made Sirius quickly sit up and when he saw James and Severus come in he smiled. “Severus, you haven’t changed one bit and James, give me some of your height please.” Sirius commented.

“I’ve grown too, asshole.” Severus rolled his eyes.

“I take my words back, since when did you get so rude?” Sirius asked.

“I’ve always been like this.” Severus said with a sigh and he sat down together with James across Remus and Sirius.

“Where’s Peter?” James asked.

“He’s late.” Remus said.

“The train is going to leave any minute.” Severus said before an exhausted Peter ran into their compartment. Peter had grown a little over summer and it made him taller than Severus and Sirius but he was still smaller than Remus and James.

When Peter sat down next to James the train took off. “How come you’re so late, Pete?” Severus asked.

“I overslept and my mom said I’m impossible to wake up.” Peter said.

“You are, you sleep through almost everything.” Remus said.

“Is it that bad?” Peter asked.

“You slept through Sirius, James and Severus yelling at each other.” Remus reminded him.

Peter wanted to argue but someone knocked on their compartment door. The boys looked up and they then saw Lily walk in. She had her hair loose today and it was a little longer than the last time they saw her. She had grown a little and she had gotten even prettier.

James’ eyes went from Lily to Severus and when he saw the smallest blush on Severus’ face, he looked down immediately. ‘It doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t mean anything..’ James kept reminding himself but it didn’t really work.

“How was your summer?” Remus asked the red headed girl as she sat down next to Sirius and Remus.

“Amazing, I went to…” Lily told the boys about her summer but James stopped paying attention to what she said almost immediately as he still couldn’t believe what he just saw.

The marauders didn’t notice his absence to the conversation until they had arrived at their dorm rooms. They had finally noticed that James was awfully quiet.

“James, are you okay?” Peter asked.

James looked up but instead of giving them a valuable answer, he replied with an absent nod. Severus was worried but he had no idea why James was acting like this.

“What’s going on with you?” Severus asked.

James then snorted before he snapped: “Well I don’t know. I might just be in love with the biggest idiot I’ve ever met!” and before anyone could say something back, James stormed off, leaving the other marauders in shock as to why James just had snapped.

Remus then realised was going on and Sirius realised it too by seeing Remus’ facial expression and Peter quickly followed. However Severus frowned as he didn’t get it and he just assumed James was being a little brat.

“Seriously, what a brat.” Severus sat on his bed and didn’t attempt to talk to the other three boys, he didn’t attempt to find out what really was going on.

“Severus, are you for real now?” Sirius asked.

“Sirius, don’t.” Remus tried to hold him back.

“No! I am not going to sit around any longer and pretend I don’t know the first thing of what’s going on! Maybe James should have told you directly because you might be a genius with potions and spells but when it comes to this, you’re the biggest freaking idiot out there! If we can tell so should you!” Sirius yelled as he stomped towards Severus, who got up ready to defend himself.

“I should be able to tell what?!” Severus yelled back.

“That James loves you, you idiot!” Sirius yelled.

“What are you talking about, that—” Severus tried to argue.

“He’s right. James loves you.” Peter said softly, but just loud enough for Severus to hear him.

Severus looked at his friends and then he looked down.

“Don’t tell me actually didn’t know?” Remus asked.

“Of course he doesn’t, he’s stupid!” Sirius yelled and that’s when Peter slapped Sirius in the face.

“Don’t keep calling him that…” Peter muttered and as Sirius tried to attack him back and Remus tried to keep them from fighting, Severus escaped quickly.

He had to find James and find out the truth.


	26. Third year: Talking about feelings

Severus ran through the halls in search of James. He looked everywhere but he couldn’t find him anywhere. Severus leaned against the wall as he was exhausted from running around. He didn’t have the stamina that Sirius and James had. But as he remembered the others words he bit his lip and continued his search. He couldn’t give up just yet. Severus then went to look outside and he saw in the distance James sitting at the lake so that made him speed up his pace.

“James?” James heard behind him. He knew it was Severus but he didn’t turn around.

“What?” James faked his lack of interest.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” Severus asked softly.

“I did. Multiple times.” James still didn’t look back.

Severus went to sit in front of him and was shocked to see that despite James sounding not interested in speaking to him that he had tears in his eyes.

“You never told me that you loved me.” Severus said.

“I told that I liked you, kissed your cheek, complimented you, blushed when asked what was on my mind…” James reminded Severus.

“I thought it didn’t mean anything…” Severus said before he realised how hurtful that sounded.

“I… I didn’t mean it like that!” Severus immediately said after.

“Really? Do you like me too then? Or are you going to say that you’re a boy again? If you don’t like me, please just say no instead!” James held his tears back and made fists of his hands.

“I…I…” Severus didn’t knew what to say and but he tried to keep eye contact with James. Though the tears in James’ eyes made it hard for Severus to look at him. His friend that was usually so bright, looked so down now and Severus didn’t know what to do with it.

“Not even going to try to say something?” James asked and his tears fell down. “I thought so.” James said as he stood up but Severus got up as well and in the blink of an eye, he tackled James with a hug.

“What are you…?” James asked, not sure what was Severus’ intention with this.

“I don’t know what I feel. I don’t know what these feelings are. I’m not good with these things but I want you to know that you’re not the same to me as Peter, Sirius and Remus. You’re not my best friend either, that’s Lily…” Severus said and James frowned and tried to say something.

“No, let me finish please.” Severus said before he continued. “I don’t know yet but what I do know is that you’re different from them in the way that you’re special to me. You manage to get so many different emotions out of me. You manage to confuse me and most importantly, you manage to make me feel loved, feel like I’m not worthless. I don’t know how you do it, but you do.” Severus said.

“Severus, you’re not worthless…” James muttered.

“I know that, thanks to you.” Severus said softly.

“Uhm…so…?” James asked, not sure what else to say.

“I don’t know yet, James. Can you wait a bit longer?” Severus asked and he felt a little bad for making the other wait even longer than he already had been doing up until now.

“Yeah I suppose…” James said and he tried to move but Severus was still laying on top of him as they laid in the grass.

Severus hugged James more tightly and sighed. “You’re not still thinking that I like Lily right?” Severus then asked.

“…Your face got a little red when she walked into the compartment on the train.” James muttered.

“It didn’t mean anything. I don’t see her like that, James and I can’t even imagine doing that. Sure she’s brilliant but she’s a friend.” Severus said.

“So am I.” James argued.

“That’s not the same.” Severus argued back and he sat up, letting go of James.

“Anyway, shall we get back to our room?” James asked as he sat up as well.

“I’m not sure if I want to go back. Sirius kept yelling at me. I think he hates me now.” Severus said.

“You should know better than anyone else that Sirius yells all the time and even he gets really angry, he easily forgets about it and he’ll be cracking jokes with you before you know it.” James said.

Severus nodded, believing James and he got up. James stood up as well and together they went back to their room. Peter and Sirius were surprisingly already in bed but Remus was still up.

“I hope you fixed things between you?” Remus asked as he looked up from a book. He looked like he’d send them out if they didn’t had fixed things between them.

“Yeah, we’re doing fine.” Severus said and James nodded. “Good, go to bed before Sirius wakes up again.” Remus said and he rubbed his forehead. “He’s so loud you know.” Remus whispered.

Severus went to bed first after getting changed and as James got changed he went to Remus’ bed and sat down on it.

“Did he finally understand?” Remus whispered once he realised Severus was asleep.

“He did…” James whispered back and then he laid down and spread his arms.

“Uhm, James could you not do that?” Remus frowned watching him lay down.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t believe that Severus might have just confessed to me without knowing it himself.” James whispered.

“Really? How is that even possible?” Remus asked softly.

“I wouldn’t know but he did and I’m not sure if I should be happy about it be frustrated that he didn’t get what he didn’t understand his own words.” James whispered.

“I’d take it and be happy with it.” Remus said before he asked why James just didn’t tell Severus that he thought he knew what his words meant.

“Because I want him to figure it out himself and tell me properly. I want him to say those words you know.” James sat up again.

“Hmm, James…how does it feel?” Remus then asked softly.

“What?” James looked confused.

“How does it feel to be in love with someone?” Remus asked and he put his book away.

“It feels like you’re going insane.” James muttered and then he looked up to the ceiling. “It’s not like I can’t think of anything else anymore but I do keep thinking about him. He’s always in mind. Even if it’s just in the back of my mind, during tests, there’s not a moment that I’m not thinking of him.” James continued.

“And when he looks at me, my heart just goes crazy and when he smiles at me I forget what to say.” James told.

“That doesn’t sound like something pleasant if you ask me.” Remus said.

“But when he says something nice or has faith in something I do, it makes me feel even better than when someone else says it and when he hugs me I feel so…” James continued before he realised something.

“Wait, are you asking me because you’re in love with someone as well?” James asked.

“No, I don’t have time for such nonsense but I think Sirius is in love.” Remus said.

“What makes you say that?” James asked.

“Well he goes out of his way to do things for me.” Remus started.

“So do I, Severus and Peter.” James said.

“Yeah but you don’t steal food from the great hall or the kitchen and come with it to the hospital wing to feed me. He also likes carrying my books and when Severus asks him to go to the library with him, he makes things up to not go with him but when I ask Sirius, he immediately agrees.” Remus told.

“Wow, uhm…I haven’t noticed most of those.” James said and he couldn’t believe that he had missed those things.

“I don’t think anyone has because they’ve been so focused on what’s going on between you and Severus.” Remus said. “I hope Severus confesses soon in a proper way so we can focus on more important things.” Remus added.

“Like pranks?” James smirked.

“No, like our classes and assignments.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Merlin, I wonder what Sirius sees in you.” James sighed. “You’re so boring.” James added and Remus hit his arm.

“I wonder what Severus sees in you too.” Remus said back.

“What? I’m wonderful though.” James brushed his hair back.

“Go to bed before I consider hexing you.” Remus said and that made James get up, with a soft chuckle he went to bed.


	27. Third year: What the future holds

“I remember you saying that you think Divination is nonsense.” Lily said to Severus as they walked to their first class of Divination and Lily was surprised to hear that Severus would be taking this elective as well as she vividly remembered him disliking the subject as he didn’t believe things could actually be predicted and come true.

“I still think it’s nonsense, Lily.” Severus said.

“Then why are you taking the subject? You could take any elective and I get your other choice as Care of Magical Creatures is really cool but why Divination?” Lily asked as they entered the classroom.

“Hmm…how do I explain this?” Severus asked himself and then James caught up to them and entered the classroom.

“Hi, Severus. Will you sit next to me?” He asked.

“Next time perhaps?” Severus said. “I’ll be sitting next to Lily for today’s class.” Severus added and James nodded and went to his seat and when he was out of hearing distance, Severus said: “He’s the reason.”

“Really?” Lily asked and then she looked at James who sat down at one of the round tables and then she looked back at Severus.

“Why don’t you sit next to him?” Lily then suggested.

“Eh? No, I just said I’ll be sitting next to you.” Severus said.

“Sev, go sit next to your future boyfriend.” Lily grinned.

Severus opened his mouth but nothing came out as he was speechless. Lily chuckled and then basically pushed Severus towards James’ table.

“Here, go sit here.” Lily chuckled and when she left to go sit at another table, James grinned too: “What was that about?”

“Lily said some ridiculous things.” Severus said as he didn’t want James to know what Lily actually said.

“I can imagine that. She says ridiculous stuff to me all the time. That or she attempts to hex me.” James told and he leaned his head on his hand as he looked at Severus.

Then the professor started the class. They gave quite a lengthy introduction to the subject before they explained what the students would be doing today.

They would looking into the crystal ball today and hopefully be able to see something in it.

Severus wasn’t looking forward to it but as the students were told to start trying, he let James try first. James looked into the ball but aside of some grey mist, he couldn’t really see anything beyond that so he asked Severus to try it.

Without faith in it but with full concentration he tried looking into the ball and when he was able to see something, he was surprised about what he saw. He saw himself and James, sitting at the lake and they were kissing. The James and Severus in the vision seemed to look a little older and Severus guessed they might be sixth or seventh years.

“Can you see something?” James asked.

“No…” Severus lied as he didn’t want to explain to James what he saw and especially not in class.

“This is really hard huh?” James asked and he looked into the book before trying again but he failed again.

“Maybe we’ll get it next time.” Severus said and after some more failed attempts, class ended and as they left, Severus said to James to go ahead as he would catch up to him. James nodded and he left off while Severus said to Lily he wanted to tell her something.

“You must not tell this to anyone. Not to James or any of the other guys.” Severus said.

“Sure, what is it, Sev?” She asked.

“I told James I didn’t see anything but I did see something in the crystal ball.” Severus admitted.

“Oh really? What did you see then?” Lily got a little excited.

“I don’t really believe these things that are seen the crystal balls actually come true. Please keep that in mind.” Severus reminded her.

“Yeah, yeah. I know, just tell me.” Lily said.

“I saw me and James, I think in either sixth or seventh year as we looked a bit older and… we were sitting at the lake and we were kissing.” Severus whispered the last part.

Lily gasped. “Oh my…Sev, that’s amazing, right?” Lily smiled brightly.

“I suppose? It was for sure embarrassing. I had to say to James that I didn’t see anything. I didn’t want to tell him that. At least not in class.” Severus said.

“Well you should tell him anyway, Sev.” Lily advised.

“You really think so?” Severus asked as he was unsure.

“Of course. I bet he’d be happy to hear what you saw.” Lily winked.

“It’s not real though. It’s all nonsense!” Severus’ face got a little red.

“Oh come on, wouldn’t you like it to come true?” Lily teased.

“Merlin, Lily are you being corrupted by them too?” Severus pulled a face.

“Nope. But please go after him and tell him. I’m sure he’ll be happy.” Lily insisted.

“I’m going before I hear any more nonsense.” Severus sighed and he walked off.

As Severus found James, he pulled him aside into an empty hall.

“Oh?” James was surprised.

“I lied to you. I did see something in the crystal ball but I didn’t want to tell you in class because it was quite embarrassing.” Severus said.

“Oh… dirty Severus.” James blushed a bit.

“No! Not like that!” Severus got frustrated.

“I’m sorry, Severus.” James chuckled.

“I saw us as either sixth or seventh years kissing as we were sitting by the lake.” Severus rambled.

“Ohh…” James didn’t knew what to say but then he smirked a little. “Did you like that?” he asked.

“You’re unbelievable!” Severus huffed.

“I just love teasing you.” James chuckled.

“I noticed.” Severus gritted his teeth but deep inside he did see the fun it.

“Anyway, let’s go to our next class.” James said and he pulled Severus along. Severus let him as he didn’t mind it. James’ hands weren’t as soft as they used to because he was practicing for Quidditch a lot so his finger tips and palms got a little rougher. But he still had warm hands though and that was one of the things that Severus really liked.

“I wonder how Muggle studies went for Sirius and Peter.” James said.

“I’m surprised Sirius’ parents didn’t push him to take another elective than Muggle studies.” Severus said as they were on their way to Transfiguration.

“Sirius told me they did but he just didn’t listen to them.” James told.

“I see, how is it going between and his little brother by the way?” Severus asked as he forgot to ask Sirius himself.

“It’s going good for now. But apparently once their parents are close, Regulus acts as if he hates Sirius.” James told.

“He’s doing that to protect his own skin is my guess.” Severus said.

“Yeah, I think so too.” James nodded.

“James, by the way. Don’t tell anyone about what I saw in the crystal ball.” Severus said.

“Okay sure? I’m sure they won’t be interested in it anyway but if you don’t want me to tell them, then I won’t.” James smiled.

“Sirius would totally keep me reminding me of it to tease me though.” Severus sighed.

“Did you find it that bad of a vision?” James asked.

Severus looked down at his feet but he didn’t avoid the question. “No, I thought it was kind of romantic and sweet.” He admitted before he glanced up at James but James couldn’t tell what Severus’ expression on his face was because his face was mostly covered by his hair. James did hear Severus’ words though and smiled shyly before he got jumped from the back by Sirius.

“What are you standing here for, guys?” Sirius asked as he looked at the two.

“Don’t jump on me from the back, you complete idiot.” James said and he shook Sirius off.

Severus now fully looked up and just chuckled a little at the interaction in front of him.


	28. Third year: Isn't magic wonderful?

As Sirius, James and Peter were trying to work on their assignments together, Severus was spending some time with Lily and Remus was in looking for some reading material in the library.

“Why did your hair get cut so short, Sirius. I mean I thought you liked it a little longer?” James asked as he scribbled something down on the parchment.

“My mother thought it was too long. And I suppose it was kind of a punishment for what I said as well.” Sirius said.

“Punishment? What did you say exactly then?” James frowned.

“My parents were complaining on and on about the fact that they are so against the ministry’s decision to allow two wizards of the same sex marry. I told them I’d rather marry a man than any of my cousins or any other blood related family members.” Sirius said.

“Really?” James looked up in surprise now.

“Yeah, it’s fricking gross to marry your own cousin, mate.” Sirius shivered.

“Well yeah. Honestly I don’t see why some pureblood families, like yours are against same sex couples marrying...” James said.

“Just because you can’t conceive a kid between two men or women. And they want the line to continue.” Sirius said.

“Ridiculous…” James shook his head.

“Actually you can.” Peter said and that made the two other boys frown.

“No, you can’t, Pete.” Sirius said.

“It’s not possible between muggles but if at least one person in the couple is a wizard then it’s possible.” Peter muttered and he looked up.

“How do you know this?” James asked.

“I tag along with Severus a lot to the library and we came across a book one time. Although, the magic is relatively new, it was first only used to help a men and a women if they had issues conceiving a child. Then a few years ago it was tested on a couple of two male wizards and it worked. They have a healthy, perfectly normal, magical child together.” Peter told.

“Wow…I should tag along with Severus next time.” Sirius said.

“But you prefer to go with Remus.” James said.

“Yeah, but I want to see that book so I can prove it to my parents that they’re wrong!” Sirius said. “Thank you, Pete.” He quickly added.

“Thank Severus for that. I wouldn’t have thought of looking at any books by myself.” Peter said.

“Isn’t magic awesome?” James asked.

“It’s bloody fantastic.” Sirius replied before he asked Peter if he remember how exactly that magic worked.

“I think it required a potion and either a spell or you know…” Peter got a bit embarrassed.

“What is ‘you know’?” Sirius asked to tease Peter.

“Sex…” Peter muttered.

“A man can’t have sex with another man!” Sirius yelled and it made Peter and James both hide their faces in their hands as they couldn’t believe Sirius just said that.

“What?” Sirius asked as he didn’t get their reaction.

“What’s the yelling for if I may ask?” Remus asked as he came in. He put some books down on the bed and then Sirius said: “Peter just suggested a man can have sex with another man.”

“What in the world are you guys talking about while you’re supposed to be doing your assignments?” Remus frowned.

Sirius then tried to explain the situation but Remus shut him down and said he should work on his assignment. “But by the way, Peter is right. A man can have sex with another man. A woman can have sex with another woman as well. Now please get back to your assignments. I don’t want to hear anything about sex anymore and not anything else either.” Remus said and Sirius looked even more confused now.

“Remus, please explain it to him. He can’t work like this I think.” James said.

“Sirius, you’re unbelievable. Read a book for once, I’m not telling you.” Remus sighed.

“THERE’S BOOKS ABOUT MEN HAVING SEX WITH EACHOTHER?!” Sirius screamed and Remus groaned and grabbed his pillows before throwing it at Sirius’ face.

“Shut up and work on your assignment!” Remus yelled.

Later as Severus entered the room, everyone had finished their assignment but Sirius was staring at the ceiling while Remus was reading and Peter and James were chatting.

“What’s Sirius so quiet for?” Severus asked to Peter and James as he joined them on Peter’s bed.

“He’s been traumatised by something that Remus told.” Peter chuckled.

“I didn’t traumatise him, he’s overreacting.” Remus sighed.

“I’m scarred for life!” Sirius yelled.

“Drama queen.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“What was it about then?” Severus asked.

“About the possibility of two men having sex.” James said.

“And Remus won’t tell him how it works and told him to read a book instead and that made the situation even worse.” Peter said.

Severus then smirked as he asked: “Sirius shall I tell you?”

Sirius looked over at that. “Tell me.” Sirius said.

“Do you want the short or long explanation?” Severus asked.

“Short?” Sirius guessed.

“One man puts his penis into the other’s man butthole. You’re welcome.” Severus still smirked.

“AHHH!!!” Sirius screamed but he stopped as Remus threw another pillow to his head.

“Did you really have to, Severus?” Remus asked.

“He was going to keep bugging you about it anyways.” Severus looked back at Remus.

“Though, that was a very incomplete version, if you ask me.” Remus then said.

“Well, that’s the extent of my knowledge on it.” Severus admitted.

“Alright.” Remus smirked now.

“Remus, what in merlin’s name do you read?” James now asked.

“Honestly everything and James don’t give me that look, you’d love to know where to get that material.” Remus said.

“No…” James muttered.

“Keep telling yourself that, James.” Remus teased and he continued to read.

“There’s more?” Sirius then asked.

“Yeah but you honestly don’t want to know. Because you’d want to make yourself forget about it after.” Remus said.

“Now I’m glad I tag along with Severus to the library instead of with Remus.” Peter said.

“Who said I get these things from the library? And even if I did, I wouldn’t say that, Peter because you know how curious Severus is. He likes to learn as much as possible as well.” Remus said and Peter’s eyes got big.

“I’m not interested in such books.” Severus looked away.

After a while, Remus, Sirius and Peter went to bed but James and Severus were still awake and they were looking up at the night sky as they were sitting by the window.

“Tomorrow I have Quidditch practice. Would you like to watch?” James asked.

Severus wasn’t sure about it as he wasn’t really interested in Quidditch that much. He didn’t mind watching matches as long James was playing but he didn’t care for it other than that.

“I know you don’t really like Quidditch but you can take a book with you so if you get bored…you can read in the tribune instead.” James said.

“But then I wouldn’t be watching you.” Severus argued.

“I know but to me it’s more like…if you’re there, that’s enough for me already I guess.” James said.

“Why’s that?” Severus asked.

“I can’t really explain it.” James said softly and he looked at Severus.

“I see…” Severus looked back at him.

“What classes do we have again tomorrow?” James asked.

“Care of Magical Creatures, Defence Against the Dark arts and Charms.” Severus told.

“When are we ever going to have a capable Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher? We get a new one every year and they’re all…” James ranted.

“Awful. Sometimes even insane.” Severus said.

“You could say that. This one is just horrible.” James said and Severus agreed.


	29. Third year: We're getting closer

As the boys ran through the hall, they were being chased by some Slytherin third years who got pissed off at them when Sirius cast a hex on one of them. Hexes and jinxes were thrown back and forth. Lily witnessed Severus a hex at one of the Slytherins that were chasing him and the other marauders and that students face suddenly was covered in boils. “Take that!” Sirius laughed as he dodged a jinx that was thrown back.

“Childish behaviour…” Frank shook his head.

“I can’t believe Severus takes part in these kinds of things.” Alice said.

“Believe it or not, he comes up with most of the pranks they pull off.” Lily sighed and as she nearly got hexed by one of the Slytherins, she took her revenge and hexed that student successfully, causing his skin to turn blue.

“Oh come on, Lily..” Alice said.

“He deserved it, he attacked me first.” Lily argued.

The marauders managed to outrun the Slytherin students that had been chasing them and as Peter and Severus were out of breath, James ask if they were any professors who saw.

“I think Slughorn might have seen us.” Remus said.

“He’s definitely going to tell Professor McGonagall.” James pushed his glasses up.

“Yeah…” Severus took a deep breath and then said that if Professor Slughorn didn’t tell, the Slytherin students would still probably try to complain to any Professor they came across.

“Anyway, let’s go do something useful now?” Remus asked and Sirius yawned at that.

“Remus, you’re so boring.” Sirius said but although he meant it as a joke, Remus wasn’t in the mood for those comments right now and he just narrowed his eyes before he walked off.

“What was that reaction for? It was a joke.” Sirius said, not getting what Remus reacting like that for.

“We know, but you have to know that the full moon is near so he’s even more moody than usual.” Severus said.

“About the full moon… when can we continue with the spells and potions?” Peter asked.

“Right now, since he walked off. Go to our usual spot already. I’ll get the stuff we need.” Severus said.

“Don’t you need any help with carrying the stuff?” James offered.

“No, I’ll be fine but thanks for the offer, James.” Severus gave him a faint smile and he left off.

“He’s totally into you.” Peter nudged him.

“Uhh… Peter, don’t encourage him.” Sirius rolled his eyes and the three boys left to the girls bathroom they always used to work on their process to become Animagi.

When they got there they waited for Severus to arrive and while they were doing so, Sirius asked if Peter was liking someone currently.

“No.” Peter said awkwardly.

“See, some people are thinking of other things than love, James.” Sirius said.

“Are you so against it?” James frowned.

“No, mate but I just don’t like all that talk about it. And it’s not because you’re both guys. When I hear those guys in sixth year talking about ‘pretty girls' or ‘snogging’, I get shivers all over my body too.” Sirius told.

“We’re still quite young though...” Peter muttered.

“Exactly.” Sirius nodded and although James was convinced that Sirius had a little crush on Remus, he didn’t say anything about it.

“Are over your trauma by the way?” James then asked.

“What trauma?” Sirius asked.

Peter then realised what James was talking about but tried to hold him back from doing, he failed though and James said it anyway.

“The way men have sex.” James said and Sirius screamed as he was being reminded of it.

“Why did you have to do that?” Peter asked as he tried to protect his ears but as Severus came in he said if Sirius didn’t shut up he would cast a silencing charm on him and the threat seemed to work as Sirius stopped screaming immediately.

“Let’s get to work.” Severus said after sitting down and putting everything ready so they could start.

Today they took some options, casted some more spells and continued their meditation to find their inner animal.

James hoped his animal would be a strong one. Sirius hoped for something big and Severus and Peter hoped for something useful. But all they could do was hope as they were not able to choose their Animagi form.

‘Please nothing small like a rat.’ Sirius thought.

At the end of the day they didn’t end up finding their inner animals yet but they made progress anyway and each time they were getting closer. It showed that their hard work and their efforts weren’t in vain.

They arrived for dinner late and Remus asked where they had been but of course they couldn’t tell them yet so they had to come up with an excuse again. Afterwards, Sirius apologised for earlier but Remus said it was okay.

“I get really moody a couple days before...” he whispered but didn’t say the whole thing as bad figured they knew why now what he meant.

“Yeah we know that.” James said. “So it’s okay.” James added.

“You guys are way too kind.” Remus said.  
Later after dinner the boys went to their room and they played a card game, ate some chocolate and candy and afterwards they had a pillow fight before they went to bed. They all quickly fell asleep and all of them slept pretty good that night. Peter was snoring loudly like he usually did. Remus was dreaming about chocolate and Sirius was dreaming about pulling the greatest prank ever. While Severus was dreaming about his possible Animagi form and he was surprised to find out that in his dream that he and James both were stags. James on the other hand was dreaming about winning the Quidditch world cup and Severus and his other friends watching him.

When the next day came, somehow Severus had moved to James’ bed and was hugging him. As James woke up and he saw this he blushed a little. ‘I’ve got to enjoy this moment while it lasts.’ James thought to himself.


	30. Third year: Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure who of you actually read the notes but if you're reading this, please comment to this chapter if you'd rather want Severus to have the same animagus form as James or a different one. In the case of the second option, I will choose an animagus form that I think will fit him the best. In the case of the first I will give them both the Stag animagi form (just like James has in the canon version)

As Severus was on his way to the library he was thinking a little about the dreams he lately had been having. He then figured they didn’t really mean anything as dreams were often not true. ‘But there must be a reason why I would be dreaming about that. Maybe it’s trying to tell something.’ Severus thought as he turned the corner he was suddenly ambushed by three Slytherin sixth years. Severus had no idea who they were and what they wanted with him until one of them started talking.

“Let’s see what you can do against us without your little brigade, Snape.” One of them smirked.

Ah, those third years couldn’t take it up against him so they asked some sixth years to take care of him. ‘Pathetic’ he thought as one of them pulled their wand out and pointed it so close to Severus’ face that it almost touched his skin.

“Poking it against my skin won’t make your spells more effective…” Severus softly taunted.

“Shut up, Snape. Your friends aren’t here to safe so you’ll be learning a lesson from us and if you tell anyone when we’re done with you, we’ll just do it again.” the biggest amongst them said before they casted several spells on him but they also hit him and kicked him around.

“Oh shit, I think that’s Flitwick and Slughorn coming!” one of them said and they quickly ran off.

Fortunately Slughorn and Flitwick spotted Severus laying on the floor, holding back but unfortunately they were too late to see who did the damage and Severus wouldn’t tell them.

“I’ll bring him to the hospital wing.” Slughorn said and Flitwick made it his job to find out who was behind this.

As Slughorn brought him to the hospital wing he tried asking Severus again who had done this to him but the little Gryffindor won’t tell him. “Please, Professor…don’t tell my friends. I don’t want them to know.” Severus said and the older man frowned at that. He knew that Severus meant Pettigrew, Potter, Lupin, Black and Evans and although he promised the boy to not tell them, he broke his promise as soon he left the hospital wing as he came across the boys and Lily on his way back to his office.

“He won’t tell me who did it and I suggest you don’t go after the said people if you don’t want to get yourselves into detention.” Slughorn said and Sirius and James both cursed as they immediately rushed to the hospital wing. Lily followed them immediately and Peter and Remus tried catching up to them.

Slughorn couldn’t help but think that Severus had gotten himself a great group of friends even though some of them didn’t seem that interested in paying attention in class.

“What the frick happened to you mate?!” Sirius yelled and before Severus could answer, Madam Pomfrey told Sirius off.

“First, language, Mr. Black and could you also not yell? This is a hospital. Not a Quidditch tribune.” Madam Pomfrey said.

Sirius didn’t say anything to that but he then looked at Severus again, waiting for an answer. James was too furious to even say something and Lily held Severus’ hand as she sat down next to him. “Please tell us who did this.”

“I can’t.” Severus said.

“Why not?” Lily asked, trying to stay calm but she was boiling inside too. She was ready to go after the people who did this.

“Even if they threatened you, you shouldn’t listen to that. Just tell us who did this.” Remus said.

“They did threaten me but that’s not the problem. I don’t know their names.” Severus said.

“From which year are they?” Remus asked.

“Sixth, I believe. They were pretty tall and they knew spells that earlier year students wouldn’t know, in most cases that is.” Severus said.

“Excuse me? Some sixth years went after you? Why?” James couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“They didn’t say why but I suppose to take revenge for hexing those third year Slytherins earlier this week.” Severus said.

“Unbelievable.” Remus crossed his arms. “How can they sink so low?” He asked gritting his teeth a little.

“I’ll be fine so y—” Severus tried to say but all the other marauders and Lily said: “No!” together.

“We won’t let them get away with this, Severus.” Peter said.

“Pete is right.” Sirius said.

“First we should report this to Professor McGonagall.” Lily said.

“Yes and then we can figure out who did this by you telling us what they looked like.” Sirius said.

Severus didn’t want his friends to get into trouble though so he didn’t say anything. “Let’s go already, we’ll come back later.” Lily said and as she let go of Severus and stood up she whispered to James to stay here while she went with the other guys to Professor McGonagall.

James nodded and as the others left, he sat in the spot that Lily sat before and he looked at Severus before reaching to Severus’ face. “I hope these won’t last…” James said as he brushed over the bruise in Severus’ face.

“No, they won’t. None of them will thanks to Madam Pomfrey’s magic.” Severus said and then he sighed.

“You want me to tell you what they looked like right?” Severus asked and as James nodded, Severus sighed.

“I don’t want you guys to get into trouble for me.” Severus said.

“I’d get in trouble for you if it means the ones who hurt you get punished as well.” James said and he brushed Severus’ hair back a little.

“I hate you so much, James.” Severus said.

“Excuse me?” James took his hand back and looked really hurt by that statement.

“Because you care too much about me. I mean the others do too but I don’t know. I feel like you’d snap and kill someone if someone hurt me and honestly I think that’s a little much.” Severus said.

James got what he meant and he grabbed Severus’ hand as he told that he just couldn’t help it. “But I’ll try to not snap and kill someone. I promise.” James said.

Severus stayed silent for a little before he described the three sixth year Slytherins that ambushed him.

“But don’t leave yet, there’s something else I want to share.” Severus said.

“What is it?” James asked curiously.

“It’s unrelated but lately I’ve been dreaming a lot about some stuff that makes me question if dreams have meanings behind them. I’d like to believe that they don’t but I have the feeling they do.” Severus told.

“Hmm, are it good dreams?” James asked.

“Yeah else I would call it nightmares, James.” Severus said and then thought a bit before asking the other to promise that he wouldn’t laugh with whatever he told him.

“I promise that I won’t laugh.” James said.

“Well, I’ll start with the most normal one, I suppose?” Severus muttered. “I had this one a few days ago, it was about the both of us and we managed to turn into our Animagi form for the first time and we apparently were both stags…” Severus told softly.

“Wouldn’t that be nice? I’m not sure if that’s actually possible but it would be wonderful.” James said.

“I guess it would be…” Severus said and as he thought about his other dreams he wondered which one to tell first.

“Are the others that strange?” James asked and as Severus blushed he wondered if it was something dirty but then again, Severus wasn’t like that so James quickly forgot about that possibility.

“One of the others included me watching you practice for Quidditch…” Severus told.

“But that’s something that could totally happen. What’s so strange about that?” James asked.

“That’s not the strange thing. I think we were a little older and during practice you made some hearts in the sky…and you got scolded for it by the captain because you weren’t doing what you were supposed to do.” Severus said.

“Hearts in the sky…” James repeated.

“Yeah you made them with your wand, with red and gold sparks.” Severus said.

“What was your reaction to it? I mean, in the dream that is.” James asked.

“I hid my face in a book but I was smiling…I seemed to be embarrassed but like it as well.” Severus muttered.

“How cute…” James chuckled and Severus wanted to protest to that but he groaned instead as he was really in pain.

James got a little closer and tried to ease him a little. He hoped the magic of Madam Pomfrey would soon heal Severus because he found it really hard to see him in pain.

“What was the other dream about?” James asked to make him focus less on the pain.

“Uhm…” Severus thought a little but when wanted to answer, Lily and the others just arrived at his bedside so he got quiet again.

“And?” James as he looked at Lily, Sirius, Peter and Remus.

“Professor McGonagall will take action as soon she knows who it is. So we need descriptions since you don’t know their names, Sev.” Lily said.

“He told me already. I’ll go to her. Don’t stay here though, he needs rest.” James said and before he and the others left, he quickly kissed Severus’ forehead.

As they left the hospital wing, Lily said to Remus: “Have you seen Severus’ reaction?”

“Yeah, he was really red.” Remus whispered back.

“James said he was going to wait until Severus gave him an actual confession though and I’m sure it won’t take as long as James thinks it will.” Remus said.

“What does James think then?” Lily asked softly.

“He thinks it will take until seventh year…” Remus whispered. “But he says he doesn’t mind.” Remus quietly added.

“What do you think?” Lily then asked.

“Me? Not that I’m a part of this so I shouldn’t make assumptions but if I made any assumptions I would assume that it would take until sixth year. But they’ll have some kind of conflict over it before it happens is my guess.” Remus whispered.

“Why?” Lily whispered.

“Because they’ve been having arguments at the start of second year and again at the start of third year.” Remus told softly.

“Wait, they had an argument at the start of this year too?” Lily asked as she hadn’t heard about this argument yet.

“Yeah, James snapped because Severus didn’t really realise what James felt up until now and even after James snapped and ran off, Severus still didn’t get it until Sirius actually screamed it in his face.” Remus muttered.

“I hate them for screaming at him but seriously sometimes Severus is so…stupid for a genius.” Lily said.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t take a smart person to understand someone’s feelings. I mean a lot of people call Peter stupid but Peter figured out pretty quickly what James felt for Severus.” Remus told.

“But in the end they made up, I figure because they seem to be doing fine now?” Lily asked.

“Oh they made up, for sure. I have no exact idea of what Severus said to James but apparently it sounded like a confession without using those traditional three words and it also seemed as if Severus didn’t know that it sounded like a confession, at least according to James.” Remus whispered.

“Typically, Severus I would say.” Lily chuckled and that made Remus chuckle too. “Yeah…” he agreed with her.


	31. Third year: The meaning of dreams

Severus had been able to leave the hospital wing within a few days but the evening that he planned to spend with his friends in the common room was ruined by them getting in detention. The four boys and Lily all had gotten themselves in detention after they went to have revenge on the sixth years that had attacked Severus and although he knew that his friends did this because they wanted revenge for what happened to him, he still thought it was kind of stupid.

As he sat in the common room by himself, Alice joined him after a while. She sat down next to him in the couch that was in front of the cosy fire and she tried stirring up a conversation.

“Hi, Severus.” Alice said; she rarely saw him without the other boys or Lily so now she saw him alone she wondered where the others were.

“Hi, Alice.” Severus said back and he looked at the fire.

“Where are the others?” Alice then asked.

“They’re in detention.” Severus told.

“Even Lily and Remus?” Alice asked and when Severus nodded she asked if he knew why they were all in detention.

“Do you remember when we were hexing some third year Slytherins?” Severus asked and as Alice nodded, Severus continued the story: “Well, they called in help from some sixth years from their house and they were supposed to go after us but they caught me by myself and I ended up in the hospital wing.”

“Some sixth years attacked you?” Alice’s eyes got big and Severus nodded.

“Professor Slughorn and Professor Flitwick found me and Professor Slughorn brought me to the hospital wing. Though I told him not to tell my friends, he told them anyway and so they stormed into the hospital wing and they were all furious. James and Sirius more visibly but even though the others were better at hiding it, I could tell they were angry too.” Severus said.

“Can you really blame them? But that means they went after those sixth year students right because else I wouldn’t know why they all got into detention.” Alice said.

“Yeah, they went after those students and I get it they were angry but still, it wasn’t the smartest move.” Severus told.

“Yes, it wasn’t but wouldn’t you do the same for either of them?” Alice asked.

“I would have…” Severus admitted with a deep sigh.

Alice looked at Severus and then back at the fire. “Can I ask you something though?” She asked.

“Yeah?” Severus looked at her for a moment.

“What’s going on between you and James? I mean, I’m sorry for straight up asking you that question and sorry for maybe assuming things but you guys seem to have something going on.” Alice said.

“We’re friends…” Severus said slowly.

“Yeah I know that but the looks that you and James exchange and the way he reacts when you do something, whatever it is, it’s different to when anyone else of his friends do the same thing. I’m not sure what it is but you seem to have a different bond?” Alice guessed but as Severus didn’t react at first, Alice went on to say: “I know you and Lily are best friends but it’s different to that as well…”

“I’m not sure what exactly you mean.” Severus looked down. ‘James is being so obvious that even Alice can notice. Why didn’t I notice it until Sirius screamed it into my face?’ Severus thought.

“It’s like…he fancies you a little.” Alice said softly.

“Really?” Severus asked, even he knew by now that James was in love with him, he acted to Alice as if he didn’t know because she didn’t know what went down in the beginning of the year.

“Yeah but again, I don’t want to assume things so maybe I’m wrong.” Alice said.

“Maybe you are, maybe you’re not.” Severus shrugged.

“You seem so fine with it?” Alice noticed.

“I didn’t use to be…I mean to people saying these things. I didn’t get it how a boy could fancy another boy but then again, I was mostly raised as a muggle since my dad is one and he hates magic.” Severus told.

“That’s horrible!” Alice said before quickly adding: “Not the being raised as a muggle part, I mean—” Severus interrupted her though.

“I know you didn’t mean that, Alice.” Severus said, even though he didn’t knew her that well, he knew she was a nice girl and he knew she was a good friend to Lily.

“But anyway, I know it’s different than in the muggle world, it used to be frowned upon just as much as in the muggle world but while for muggles it has stayed pretty much the same, the wizarding world has progressed.” Severus said.

“Yeah because of that horrific accident 50 years ago. I mean it probably wasn’t the only reason…but it was one of the biggest and it’s just sad something like that even had to happen for wizards to wake up.” Alice protested.

“Hmm? What accident?” Severus asked.

“Edward Brown cursing himself because…” Alice fell silent.

“Ohh…I’ve seen something on that but it didn’t say why.” Severus said.

“Because the Ministry of Magic made Hogwarts cover it up!” Alice got quite furious about it.

“How do you know?” Severus asked.

“My grandpa was at Hogwarts at the time, he told me about it and he said although the Ministry didn’t wake up at first, a lot of wizards did and they started complaining about the laws and the mentality of a lot of pureblood families at the time.” Alice told.

“And the laws that allowed same sex couples to move in together, date and get married came only at the end of the 60’s. It took them way too long to be honest.” Alice said.

Severus was a little surprised by seeing someone get so furious over these things happening but as he listened to her, he nodded and then said: “It took them quite long but you know, muggles aren’t even close to that at the moment.”

“I heard that from Lily before yeah… she said more often than not muggles are really against it.” Alice said and she sighed.

“Yeah they are.” Severus nodded. Then Severus thought for a moment about the dreams he had lately and the fact that he hadn’t told James the third dream yet. He was glad he didn’t tell him since the dream in question had been one that he didn’t quite understand but he felt like he had to tell someone to understand it better so maybe telling someone unrelated would help.

“Alice? Can I tell you something strange but in confidence?” Severus asked and Alice looked up, a little surprised but nodded. “Sure you can.” She said.

After checking the common room once more, Severus started with: “It’s about a dream I had lately.”

“Oh uhm…and you’re telling me why?” Alice asked in confusion.

“Because I really want to tell someone but it’s way too embarrassing to tell Lily or any of the guys, especially about James because he’s part of the dream. But I want to tell someone that I feel that I can trust.” Severus explained.

“I see but why do you want to tell someone?” Alice asked.

“To maybe get another point of view, to understand it better, I suppose?” Severus guessed.

“Okay. I’m listening.” Alice said.

Severus nodded and for a while he stared at the fireplace before he started telling about the dream.

“In this dream, I wake up and when I open my eyes I see a man laying next to me that I don’t recognise at first. I get out of bed and notice the room I’m in isn’t one that I don’t know either so for a moment I suppose I felt confused? I check around the room more and then see myself in the mirror and I notice that I’m still myself but an adult I suppose? I look older and taller than I’m now. Then I leave the room to inspect the rest of the house I’m in and I see a lot of photo’s in the living room. All the photo’s are of the past, some more recent than others and I soon realise who the man next to me in bed was. It was James. Then the dream stops when he comes in the living room and calls for my name and says to come back to bed because it’s still too early to get up. That’s where the dream ends…” Severus told.

Alice looked at him while he was describing the dream and when Severus said he had so many questions about it she asked what exactly some of those questions were.

“I wonder why I was in the same house as him, in the same bed as him. Why I was dreaming it in the first place?” Severus asked.

“Well sometimes dreams are just dreams and nothing more than that. But sometimes they can have certain meanings behind them. And I suppose in the world of divination, it could definitely have a deeper meaning but I noticed you didn’t seem very interested in the subject so I’m not going to tell you that you should look into some divination books…” Alice said.

“But what if they mean more? Then what exactly could they mean?” Severus asked.

“Well, it could mean several things. But the most believable thing for someone who doesn’t believe in Divination would be that it would mean that you somewhat desire for this to happen, therefore you dream about it. Since you can pretty much make up whatever in your dreams. In dreams, everything could be possible.” Alice said.

“Why would I desire to share a bed and a home with James?” Severus asked.

“You should ask yourself that question, Severus.” Alice said and she got up. “But you know, it could mean you fancy him too.” Alice winked and she quickly left the common room to go up to her room.

“That would explain the other dreams and the thing I saw in the crystal ball…” he whispered to himself when Alice was gone.

‘You drive me nuts, James Potter.’ He thought and he deeply sighed before laying down in the couch.

Later that night after detention as the boys and Lily came back, Lily went straight up to her room but the boys found Severus in the couch. He had fallen asleep and Remus sighed. “Do we wake him up?” He asked.

“No, bad idea. He’s moody when his sleep is disturbed.” James whispered and he carefully lifted him up and as his other friends went ahead, James carried Severus in his arms to their dorm room.

He put him down in his bed and tucked him in before putting the plushie close to Severus.

“You put him to bed like he’s your child, James.” Remus said.

James frowned at that. “I just know he’ll sleep better like this. He’s been staying at my place for quite some time now so I know by now.” James whispered back before he got changed and went to his own bed.

Sirius and Peter were fast asleep and as Remus went to bed, he whispered to James: “Good night, James.”

“Good night, Remus.” James whispered.


	32. Third year: Hogsmeade

It had been a few weeks since four of the marauders and Lily had gotten themselves in detention. In the weeks that had passed, Sirius, Peter, James and Severus had made some progress again and even though they didn’t manage to transform yet, they found out their inner animals already.

Sirius discovered that he would be turning into a black dog when he would be able to transform. Sirius was satisfied with his animal but Peter who found out that he was a grey rat, was pretty down about it and he hadn’t told his friends about it yet.

James had found out his inner animal was a stag, a male deer and he was quite proud of it but as Severus told him his one wasn’t a stag as well but a raven instead, he was happy for him but a little disappointed that the dream that Severus told him about didn’t came true.

‘It’s just a dream…’ he thought.

It was a Saturday today and as Peter and Sirius already left for breakfast and even though James was awake, he didn’t get out of bed just yet because Severus had gotten into his bed during the night again to hug him.

“Shouldn’t you talk about it with him?” Remus asked softly as he just got ready and he saw Severus cuddling up to James again.

“Talk about what?” James asked.

“About the fact he keeps getting in your bed to hug you?” Remus whispered while he quickly fixed his tie.

“I don’t want to bring it up to him because what if he freaks out again and gets back to his whole attitude of ‘but we’re both boys’. I don’t want to lose the progress he’s made the past weeks.” James whispered.

“I see but James, for your own sanity, you should talk about it anyway.” Remus said and he then left.

Severus didn’t wake up just yet but he leaned his head against James’ chest. Even though James’ heartbeat sped up a little, it didn’t make a difference for Severus because he stayed asleep.

James watched the boy in his arms and smiled a little before he decided to wake him up. “Severus?” He asked and after he touched one of his hands, Severus woke up.

As the boy woke up, he only noticed that he was in James’ bed when he sat up. “I’m sorry for doing so often.” Severus apologised.

“It’s fine, Severus.” James said.

“Is it really? I mean I know how you feel but I haven’t quite given you an answer yet and I don’t want you to feel like I’m leading you on in case I don’t end up liking you…” Severus said softly.

“Severus, I’m not worried about that. Besides, sometimes Sirius goes up to Remus’ bed too to hug him. Maybe it’s just a thing friends do.” James said.

“I’m not sure about Sirius and Remus but it’s not a friend thing, James.” Severus said but as James wanted to say something, Severus got out of bed and he started to get dressed.

Then James remembered something. “Oh Severus, aren’t we going to Hogsmeade with Professor McGonagall today?” He asked.

Severus nodded and James thought for a moment, Severus might not be able to go since to be able to go you need permission from either at least on of your parents or a guardian and since James’ parents legally weren’t Severus’ guardians, he’d need permission from his own dad or mom. James thought he wouldn’t have the permission but then Severus told him he looked forward to go to Hogsmeade.

“Your permission slip is signed?” James asked softly.

“Yeah, my mom signed it. Your dad let me know and since your dad gave me a little bit of money, I can perhaps buy some things as well there.” Severus said but he was planning to save most of it for future potion ingredients.

“That’s awesome.” James smiled, genuinely happy for Severus.

“I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to because I didn’t expect my mom to sign it. Not that she wouldn’t want to but maybe because my dad wouldn’t let her.” Severus said.

“Maybe she’s trying to get away from him, for herself you know? Mom said she didn’t look so good.” James said.

Severus bit his lip and shook his head. “She wouldn’t. She’s blinded by love.” Severus said.

“That can’t be love, Severus. If you really love someone, you don’t hurt them. Especially not on purpose.” James said.

Severus looked down at that and he wanted to say something but kept it in and left quickly.

“Severus?” James asked, not sure why he suddenly left the room without a word. Then it hit him. ‘Oh no, he thinks he’s been hurting me so he thinks he’s like his dad.’ James thought and after quickly putting on his robes he ran after Severus. He was able to catch up to Severus before he left the common room.

“Severus, you’re nothing like him. You didn’t hurt me on purpose. I know that. You’re nothing like him, you hear me?” James asked him and Severus looked up to him and without a word he hugged James shortly.

“I’m sorry, sometimes I just feel like I’m just as bad as him or that I’m bound to become as bad as him.” Severus said.

“But you’re not and I can’t predict the future but I’m sure you’ll never be like that. I’m also sure you’re nothing like your mom as well. You’ll never let anyone hurt you like that.” James said and he hugged the boy back and when he let him go, he brushed Severus’ hair out of his face.

“You’re so kind.” Severus said.

“I’m just saying the truth though.” James said as they left the Gryffindor common room. They made sure they went the right way as the changing stairs were frustrating sometimes. The two boys arrived at breakfast a little late but they still were in time to eat with their friends.

“What took you guys so long?” Sirius asked.

“I was still asleep and I made it unable for James to move out of his bed.” Severus admitted softly as he and James said down.

“Ohh~ Don’t get too spicy in our dorm okay?” Sirius joked.

“Just shut up, Sirius. You get into Remus’ bed sometimes too.” James rolled his eyes.

“T-that’s not the same thing.” Sirius agreed.

“Could you guys please not argue before we leave for Hogsmeade because else that trip is not going to be fun.” Peter said.

“That trip is not going to be fun anyway.” Sirius said and he looked away.

“Nonsense, we’ll buy a lot of candy a—” James started but Sirius interrupted him: “I’m sure you’ll have fun. But I won’t. I’m staying here.”

His friends looked up in shock. “At least I won’t be alone right?” Sirius looked at Severus.

“I’m sorry my permission slip was signed but why isn’t yours?” Severus asked.

“Because my parents know that I’m friends with a bunch of half bloods and a muggleborn and even though I don’t have issues with it, they have. They don’t want me to hang out with you guys at Hogsmeade or they’ll forbid me to hang out with you completely. And they’ll use Regulus to report every time I’d be talking to you.” Sirius told.

“Mate, your parents are horrible…” James said.

“I’ll be just fine.” Sirius shook his head.

“Do you want us to get something for you there?” Peter asked.

“Hmm maybe some candy?” Sirius got his money out but Peter held him back. “You don’t need to pay for something I’m going to get for you.” Peter said.

“But…” Sirius didn’t get it.

“We’re friends.” Peter said and he smiled.

After breakfast the Gryffindor third years gathered outside with Professor McGonagall and as she checked if everyone was there, she noticed that Sirius Black wasn’t there but she remembered that his permission slip wasn’t signed so she couldn’t let him go with her and the group of third years to Hogsmeade. She always felt back for those kids who couldn’t go with the others but there was nothing that she could do even though she kind of wanted to. She left with the group of kids to Hogsmeade and made sure no one got lost or tried to get away in the process.

As they arrived she told they were allowed to go visit some jobs and they had to back at the spot they were now within a certain amount of time.

Quickly the marauders left to Honeydukes and just like some other students, Lily went to Honeydukes as well.

Severus was looking at the chocolate section with Remus and chuckled when he saw the amount that Remus was getting. “What’s your obsession with chocolate?” Severus asked.

“It’s not an obsession but it calms me down and even helps me focus during my studying sessions so…” Remus shrugged.

“I didn’t know that but if that’s the case, I won’t question it anymore.” Severus said and he gave Remus another chocolate bar.

“Would this be enough?” Severus asked.

“Hmm, this would be enough for two months.” Remus nodded.

“Two months? I wouldn’t even this amount in a full year.” Severus said.

“Really? You don’t like chocolate, Severus?” Remus asked.

“I do but not that much though.” Severus said and then James joined them at the chocolate. “Why is there barely any chocolate left?” James asked but before Remus could reply, James already looked up and saw the amount of chocolate one of his friends was holding.

“Merlin, that’s a lot of chocolate.” James said.

“It’s two months worth of chocolate for Remus.” Severus commented.

“Two months? You eat that much in two months?” James gasped and when Remus nodded, James just sighed.

“Mate, that wouldn’t be good if it were me. I wouldn’t be able to eat that amount of chocolate. Especially not now since I have to stay in shape for Quidditch.” James said and he frowned when Remus and Severus started laugh with him a little.

“What now?” James asked.

“Stay in shape? You’re not a professional quidditch player, James.” Severus teased as Remus went to pay for his chocolate.

“But one day I will be!” James argued and as Severus got a bar of chocolate for himself, James got one too.

“You prefer dark chocolate? Isn’t that too bitter?” James asked.

“No, I don’t find it that bitter. I like it.” Severus said and he went to look at the other candies so James followed him. “Shouldn’t we tell Remus soon?” James whispered, meaning the animagi thing.

“Well, we’re getting close now. I think we might transform by fourth year at this point which is earlier than I predicted at first.” Severus whispered back before he nodded. “We should tell him, but I want to do so when we’re all together. So not now but when we’re back at the castle.” Severus said and James agreed to that.

“What do you think his reaction would be?” James asked.

“I think he’d be really happy and he will give us a hug and say that he loves us.” Severus said.

“Yeah and Sirius will say it’s way too cheesy again.” James chuckled.

“I’m not sure of that this time.” Severus said.

“Why not?” James frowned a little.

“Oh, you will see…” Severus said as he had noticed lately that there was something going on between Sirius and Remus.

‘Why is he able to see so quickly when there’s something going on between other people but not between me and him? Sure he knows it now but it sure took him a while.’ James thought.

Severus went over to the cashier to pay for his bar of chocolate and bag of gummies and on his way there he grabbed a chocolate frog as well as he wanted to give that to James later. After paying for the items he left Honeydukes and saw Remus with his huge amount of chocolate waiting outside for the others.

“James is paying for his candy and chocolate now but I’m not sure how long it’s going to take Pete. He’s buying for himself and Sirius so it might take him a while.” Severus said.

“Probably…” Remus said and when James came outside he said that Peter was still standing at the pumpkin tarts and that he wasn’t sure if he’ll ever leave.

“He will eventually have to but do we wait for a little longer or shall we visit another shop?” Remus asked.

“Let’s just wait a little longer.” Severus said.

Peter eventually came out of the shop and visited some other stores with his friends before everyone had to gather at the spot that Professor McGonagall was waiting at. When she saw the little group of four arrive she saw the questionable amount of chocolate that Remus was carrying with him but decided to not comment on it.

“I feel like everyone is silently judging me.” Remus said.

“They definitely are, Remus.” Severus said and patted Remus’ shoulder. “But it’s fine, don’t listen to them if they say anything to you.”

“Yeah, you may be a little obsessed with chocolate but you have the greatest table manners out of all of us.” Peter said.

“Thanks, I guess.” Remus frowned.

“Excuse me?” Severus asked. “My table manners are perfect!” James protested.

“Maybe Severus’ but not yours, James. You eat like a beast.” Remus said.

“I do not!” James yelled.

“Boys, be quiet!” Professor McGonagall called and as everyone was gathered, the professor checked once more if everyone was there before she left with the group back to Hogwarts. As they arrived, the group of four immediately went to their dorm room, to Sirius who was so bored out of his mind that he had started reading.

“Are you reading?” Severus asked in shock.

“Yeah, I was really bored. How was your—” Sirius tried to ask but then he saw the amount of chocolate Remus was carrying.

“Is that a year worth of chocolate?” Sirius asked.

“No, this will last me two months. Probably.” Remus said.

“Two months? For that amount?” Sirius was shocked but made no other comments on it as Peter gave him some pumpkin tarts and some gummies.

“Thanks, Pete.” Sirius said, glad that the boy didn’t buy the beans for him.

“Hey, Sirius? We decided we should tell Remus about the animagi thing now, if that’s fine with you?” Peter asked him softly and nervously.

Sirius looked at Peter and then at James and Severus before he nodded. “Sure.” he confirmed.

“Remus?” James started.

Remus put away all his chocolate and turned around as he heard his name. “Yes?” He asked.

“There’s something we want to tell you.” James continued.

“Ever since we knew about your condition, we were trying to find something that would make us be able to help you more than just protecting your secret.” Severus said.

“We wanted to do more. We wanted to be there for you during the full moon.” Peter added.

“So when Severus here found that animals could be more helpful, we tried finding everything we could on animagi and we did everything we could to become them and although we’re not completely finished just yet, we’re getting closer…” Sirius told.

“You’ve been trying to learn how to become animagi?” Remus asked softly.

“Yes.” They said.

Remus got silent at that as he was not sure what to say on this. He was touched, he was so happy and he couldn’t help it but rush up to them and pull them in a hug. “I… love you guys!” he said and he hugged them tightly.

“We’d do everything for you, Remus.” Sirius said instead of complaining that Remus was being too cheesy and he hugged Remus back. Severus, James and Peter hugged Remus back too and they agreed with Sirius’ statement.


	33. Third year: Sirius' Christmas

Sirius stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas this year. He had lied to his friends that he just didn’t want to go home but in fact, his parents didn’t want him to come home this Christmas. He knew his friends would have a nice time during the vacation. Peter would probably have a nice Christmas eve filled with nice food and gifts with his family. Remus would have a somewhat nice time even though he would be turning into a werewolf this vacation. Sirius knew that Remus’ parents would still try to make the best of it so Remus would still be able to somewhat enjoy his vacation. Sirius remembered that Lily would go skiing with her parents and her sister during the holidays and James and Severus would probably have the greatest time of all of them. From what James and Severus told, James’ parents were absolutely amazing. Though Sirius wouldn’t admit it, he felt kind of jealous of all of his friends at the moment.

That evening he sat by himself at the Gryffindor table in the great hall and only a few other students were present in the great hall. Sirius hadn’t seen anyone he knew as not only all his friends but Alice and Frank went home as well and Sirius didn’t know much other students besides that. Even his little brother had gone home.

Sirius grabbed some turkey and some vegetables before adding some mashed potatoes. When he started eating, someone sat down across him. A blonde girl dressed in a grey knitted jumper, a black skirt and some stockings. “Hey…” The girl’s voice was soft and she sounded a little shy, reminding Sirius of Remus a little.

Sirius looked up and just greeted her back before asking: “Who are you?”

“Pamela Wilson.” The girl said.

“I’m Sirius Black.” Sirius said.

“I know, I’m friends with Lily and she told me about you.” Pamela said.

“Hopefully she didn’t say something bad?” Sirius asked and he ate some of the mashed potatoes.

“No, just that you and the other boys like pulling pranks and sometimes you get in trouble for it.” Pamela said.

“Well that’s true. But are you in Gryffindor? I haven’t seen you around in the common room.” Sirius took a bite from his turkey.

“No, I'm in Ravenclaw.” Pamela told.

“Do you also have to say a password to a painting to get into your common room?” Sirius asked.

“No you have to solve a riddle to get it.” Pamela said.

“I am so glad I am not in Ravenclaw now. I couldn’t do that every day, let alone just one time.” Sirius sighed.

Pamela chuckled at that a little and as Sirius continued to eat, he opened up to her just a little bit on why he wasn’t going home but he didn’t tell her too much.

“So your parents aren’t very nice?” Pamela asked.

“No, not really. My friends all have awesome parents but I don’t want to bother them with my issue so I decided to stay here instead. But enough about that. Why aren’t you going home?” Sirius asked.

“My parents invited my grandparents for Christmas and I really get uncomfortable around my grandpa. It’s not his fault but he’s been traumatised by something in the past and so sometimes he acts off. I can’t really explain it.” Pamela muttered.

“I always feels bad for feeling so uncomfortable around him because he’s truly doing nothing wrong...” she added.

“Do you know what traumatised him?” Sirius asked.

“No, only that it had something to do with something that happened 50 years ago, here at Hogwarts I think but I have no idea what that might be.” Pamela said. “My parents seem to have heard about it but they won’t tell me because they say I'm too young to know such things.” Pamela frowned a bit.“Well I wouldn’t know either what happened but maybe I could ask one of my friends when they’re back here? Two of them are obsessed with books and learning new things so sometimes I have the feeling they should have been sorted into Ravenclaw.” Sirius grinned a little. He was glad though that Remus and Severus weren’t sorted elsewhere and the same went for James and Peter. Though he couldn’t imagine James in another house than Gryffindor.

That evening after dinner and a little more chatting with Pamela, Sirius went to the Gryffindor tower but when he was told by a fellow Gryffindor that a package had arrived under the three for him, he was surprised so he quickly went to check it out.

There was a package from Remus for him and as he opened it he was met with a book about dogs and some band shirts. He chuckled a little seeing the book and because he had nothing else to do, he brought it with him to his room and started reading it after putting the shirts away.

Sirius hadn’t expected any gifts but he was happy with the package from Remus. After reading for a while, he got tired and put the book away before he got changed and went to bed. He couldn’t fall asleep immediately though as he was used to have the other boys with him in the room. Remus would always be curled up in bed with his back to everyone. James would be hugging his pillow and Peter would be snoring loudly. At lastly Severus would be hugging the lion plushy that Sirius didn’t knew where he got it from and sometimes Severus would be softly talking in his sleep as well.

Sirius eventually fell asleep though and as the next morning he got dressed and went to the great hall to get breakfast. As he sat down and grabbed some stuff to eat, he got some mail. A few letters and a small package were dropped on the table for him.  
Sirius curiously looked at the small package first. It was from James and Severus. ‘Wow, they’re like a married couple now, sending packages together.’ Sirius thought and he chuckled but as he opened it he sighed. “Not these stupid beans again.”

Sirius then moved onto the letters. He had gotten one from Remus, one from Peter and one from Alice. There was nothing from his parents or his little brother which disappointed him.

Sirius then decided to read through Remus' letter first. Remus wrote to ask whether he liked the Christmas present he liked and how he was doing. He also wrote he suspected that there was another reason why Sirius wasn’t going home and that he could talk to him about it.

When he moved onto Peters letter it was a detailed description of the food he had for Christmas and the question how Sirius was doing at the moment. The last letter which came from Alice was just her holiday wishes and her expressing her concerns as she noticed that Sirius didn’t look very happy lately and she wondered why that was.

Sirius was touched by the letters and presents but on the other hand it made him aware that the fact that his parents hadn’t send anything at all, wasn’t normal.

“Why do my parents not care?” Sirius whispered and his appetite was over so he grabbed the letters and the opened package before he left the great hall.


	34. Third year: Friends

Months had passed and as Christmas and Easter had passed as well, the end of the year was near again. Sirius still hadn’t talked to his friends about the issues he had as home and it had gotten to a point that it even frustrated Severus who usually tried to not ask about these things.

As Severus had taken Sirius to the library to get some books to prepare for the end of year tests, he tried to talk to Sirius. “I know you didn’t just didn’t want to go home, Sirius. You really don’t have to tell what’s going on but if you’re moping around but won’t tell us why, it’s kind of hard to help you and we want to help you.” Severus said.

Sirius sighed at this. “I have no idea why you guys care so much.” He muttered.

“Because we are your friends, Sirius.” Severus said.

Sirius looked away at that but then he took a deep breath and said: “I didn’t go home because they didn’t want me to come home. They didn’t send me anything and my brother hasn’t talked to me ever since school started again. It’s just as if I’m not a part of the family anymore. It’s as if I was disowned or something.”

When Severus heard what Sirius told him he truly felt bad for him. Sirius’ parents were truly terrible and he even had a little brother that he had gotten along with before but now started to turn against him again. “Sirius…” Severus started but Sirius held him back.

“Don’t say you feel bad for me. I don’t want you guys to feel bad for me and especially not you, Severus.” Sirius said.

“Why not me especially?” Severus asked.

“Because your parents are way worse.” Sirius argued. “My parents might act as if I’m never welcome again but at least they don’t…” Sirius trailed off.

“That doesn’t make the situation better at all.” Severus crossed his arms.

“Severus, I don’t want to hear these things from you okay? You might be happy at the Potters right now but stop pretending that everything is going fine. If someone is lying about their own well being, it’s you. Don’t tell me you aren’t because I can tell you aren’t telling us everything. Especially not James who you’re living with for quite a while now.” Sirius said.

“He doesn’t want me to tell him.” Severus said.

“What?” Sirius frowned.

“I tried to tell him about everything that goes down when I go home but he didn’t want me to tell him. He didn’t want me to dig up those memories again because he didn’t want me to relive them and that’s the only reason I’ve not told him anything.” Severus said.

“Why don’t you tell someone else then?” Sirius asked.

“I don’t want to.” Severus said and then he turned around. “I’m sorry, I…won’t bother you anymore with your personal stuff.” Severus added and he quickly walked off, leaving Sirius by himself again.

Sirius went the other way and as he walked off, he didn’t notice Peter talking to Lily as they walked into the library.

“I’m surprised you’re going with me, Pete.” Lily said. “Not that I mind of course.” She added.

“Severus and Sirius were supposed to talk and Remus already is studying so I didn’t want to bother him.” Peter said.

“What about James?” Lily asked.

“He doesn’t like to go to the library unless Severus goes with him.” Peter said softly as he followed Lily.

Lily rolled her eyes a little at that and then she grabbed a book before she looked back at Peter. “You also know what’s going on right?” She asked him.

“Yes. Although I’m not sure what Severus said to James in the beginning of the year. They don’t seem to be…dating or anything but they’re doing fine right now, I suppose.” Peter said.

“I see…” Lily hummed and then took another book and handed it to Peter. “This is the one you needed right?” she asked.

Peter nodded and then as he held the book he thought a little before asking Lily if she knew what was going on.

“Well, Remus told me a few things but aside of that I know as much as you. Severus is talking to me, don’t get me wrong but he never mentions the situation that went down with him and James.” Lily said.

“James doesn’t talk about it either, not even when Severus is not around. I know they say they’re fine and they seem to be doing fine but I’m just a little worried.” Peter admitted.

“Me too, Peter. Though I’m more worried about Severus.” Lily said.

“I’m equally worried about both of them. I feel like James is holding himself back as much as he can and I feel like Severus feels bad each time he is somewhat nicer to James than to us because maybe he feels like he’s leading James on.” Peter said.

“He surely isn’t.” Lily said.

“I don’t think he is either but he might think so because sometimes…he gets into James’ bed at night to cuddle with him and he stays there until it’s time to get out of bed.” Peter whispered.

“I didn’t knew he did that…” Lily said.

“You didn’t hear it from me okay?” Peter got a little nervous.

“I won’t tell anyone that you told me.” Lily promised and then she suggested to go sit in the study hall so they could study together.

Sometimes Lily studied with Peter, like today but most of the times she either studied by herself or with Severus and Frank.

Remus preferred studying by himself at all times and Sirius tried studying with James and Peter but that never worked out so the three boys ended up studying all separately.

Everyone managed to be well prepared enough for their end of year exams and the marauders, Lily, Frank and Alice, all completed their tests with amazing to decent grades which meant they’d become fourth years after the summer vacation.

Severus told Lily he was going to the Potters for summer again and Sirius would try to manage at home. He had to go home this time because he wouldn’t be able to stay at Hogwarts during the summer vacation. He would however maybe try to sneak out on some days so he could go to James’ house but he was not sure on how he was going to manage doing that without getting caught.

“We’ll be writing each other right?” Lily asked.

“Of course.” Severus said and James nodded in agreement.

“I honestly don’t like writing but I’ll try.” Sirius sighed.

“I will try to write too.” Peter added and Remus said he’ll try to write as well.


	35. Third year: Summer in Paris

“What does this even say? That doesn’t look like English.” James pointed out as he, his parents and Severus were in France, specifically in Paris and as they were in a bookstore, James came across a French book cover and he tried to read it but ended up failing and asking Severus what it said.

“Because it’s not. It’s in French. We’re in France after all.” Severus frowned. It was the first time for him that he ever went to another country and he had been amazed what he had seen so far. He was so thankful to the Potters that they took him with them and didn’t just send him back home. His mother might have told the Potters that he could stay with them as long as he needed it, until he was able to take care of himself but still Severus hadn’t quite expected to be allowed to tag along on their trips.

“Don’t you know there’s a translation charm?” Severus asked and James shook his head. “I never heard of that charm before but apparently you have.” James said.

“Yeah so if you want the book, I can translate it for you.” Severus said.

“Well I’m not sure if I do if I don’t even know what it says on the cover.” James looked at Severus and then back at the book.

“Merveilleuses bêtes magiques it says, it’s about magical beasts.” Severus said.

“You understand French?” James asked in surprise.

“Only a little bit.” Severus said. “Anyway, do you think you want a book about magical beasts?” Severus asked and for a moment their eyes met but Severus look down at the book James was holding again as ever since summer started it seemed as if that every single time his and James’ eyes met, Severus felt a strange sensation go through him and he wasn’t sure why that was.

“Not really.” James put the book back and then noticed Severus was avoiding to look him in the eye.

“What’s wrong Severus?” James asked.

“Nothing…” Severus said but before James could argue back, Euphemia came to them and said they were going to a clothing shop now.

“Normally I trust you to find your way back by yourselves but you’ve both never been in Paris before so maybe it’s for the best you’d follow us.” Euphemia said to the boys and as Severus quickly went after Mr. Potter, James followed his mom.

“You weren’t arguing right?” Euphemia asked her son.

“No mom, I just asked him a question but he lied again.” James said.

“Again?” Euphemia asked.

“Yes, he’s been acting a little strange lately and when I ask him if there’s something going on he says there’s nothing which clearly is a lie.” James said.

“Try to talk it out later, James.” She said as she kind of could guess what this was about.

The Potters and Severus went to visit several other shops and went to eat in a wizarding neighbourhood somewhere hidden in Paris and afterwards they went back to their hotel. The two boys shared a room, that had two bed in it though Severus ended up sleeping more in the same bed as James than the bed he was supposed to sleep in. James didn’t mind but he just was frustrated with Severus’ lies and so when they came into their room and James sat down with a deep sigh, it was kind of clear to Severus that James had something on his mind.

“What’s wrong, James?” Severus asked and he took his shoes off before he laid down on the bed.

“I could ask you the same thing. You’ve been locking eyes with me several times since summer started and each time you do, you look away after and you avoid any eye contact with me for like hours. When I ask what’s going on you always say it’s nothing but I can hear you’re lying, Severus.” James said as he looked up at him.

“That’s because…” Severus tried to explain but the words just didn’t come out.

“Because what?” James asked.

“I honestly don’t know.” Severus lied as he didn’t knew how else to describe it.

“I always can tell when you’re lying, Severus. You’re the worst liar ever. You’re even worse at this than Peter.” James said.

“Am I supposed to be good at it then?” Severus frowned.

“No, you’re supposed to be telling me the truth but I’m telling how bad you are in the hope that it will make you realise that you should just stop trying to lie and just tell me the truth instead.” James said.

Severus bit his lip and looked down for a moment before he looked at James, trying to look him into his eyes but the smaller guy couldn’t handle those beautiful hazel eyes even if they looked a little angry now.

“Why are you always quiet when I ask you questions like this?” James asked in frustration.

“I don’t know what to say.” Severus said and he felt bad about it.

James could tell it was the truth now and he stood up. “I’m not sure what’s going on in your head, Severus but please try to think less and act more on what you feel maybe that’ll help.” James advised and as he was about to move to the window to look at the beautiful sight they had but Severus suddenly hugged him and hid his face in James’ chest.

“Severus?” James asked a little confused but what Severus did instead of answering was lean his full body weight against James to make him fall down on the bed and when they fell on the bed he whispered to James that he was trying to take his advice to heart.

“Oh…that’s good.” James whispered but he didn’t quite knew what to say to this so he just hugged Severus back.

‘I want to hear him say it. I really do.’ James thought but he was still happy with this kind of affection.

“Severus…” James whispered.

“I know…” Severus knew what he was going to say. “But I can’t say it…I…” Severus felt bad again but James made him look at him.

“Severus, you don’t need to feel bad about it. If you’re not ready yet, that’s fine.” James said.

Severus sat up though. “I’m wasting your time.” He muttered and James sat up too. “You’re not wasting my time, Severus. I mean it. It’s fine that you can’t tell me yet. I’ll wait, I’ll wait as long as you need it.” James brushed Severus’ hair out of his face.

Severus looked at James’ hazel eyes again and leaned a little closer which confused James as he didn’t knew what to expect.

But Severus didn’t lean any closer and just got from James before he laid down on the bed and hid his face into a pillow.

‘What did I try to do there?’ he thought to himself.

The next day after breakfast they went to visit the Eiffel tower and took some pictures. Most of the pictures just had James and Severus on them but a few pictures of James with his parents were taken as well. James then suggested that his parents should have their picture taken with just the two of them and he offered to take the picture.

“Sure why not?” Fleamont asked and he held Euphemia closely when James took some pictures and afterwards Euphemia said they should take another family picture but this time Severus should join them.

“I’m not sure if that’s right for me to do.” Severus protested softly.

“Oh come on, you’re part of our family, Severus.” James smiled brightly at him and he pulled him closer.

And so Severus was included in the new Potter family picture and it really touched him that he was included in it.


	36. Third year: Sirius' summer

Sirius sat on his bed as he spend most of his days in his room to avoid his parents nagging to him. He sighed and laid down and then there was a knock on the door.

“Come in?” He said and Kreacher came in. Kreacher was his family’s house elf and even though he served them, Kreacher was never very nice to Sirius and especially not after Sirius ‘disappointed’ his parents by being sorted into Gryffindor.

Kreacher put a stack of letters down on Sirius’ bed before he walked out again without saying a single word.

Sirius frowned but then he looked down to the stack of letters. He had gotten letters from Severus, James, Remus, Peter and even Lily. Sirius picked out Remus’ letter first and opened the envelop before taking the folded parchment out.

**_Dear Sirius_ **

**_I hope you’re doing well. I could tell from your last letter that you’re spending most of your time in your room and that’s maybe not the best way to spend your summer but it’s better to avoid them I suppose than to fight with them. I want you to know that you’re welcome on my address if it gets a little too boring though. But then you must promise not judge me on the fact that I prefer to read over messing around. You know I like my books and my rest. But I’m sure that we could have some fun anyway and my parents would love having you over. Especially my mom, I guess. She’s very curious when it comes to magical things but maybe you’ll find her hugs a little much. Either way, think about it and let me know by letter if you’re planning to come over._ **

**_-Remus_ **

Sirius smiled reading Remus’ letter and planned on writing him back right after he read all the other letters. Then he looked at the stack again and decided to pick Severus’ letter out next.

**_Sirius,_ **

**_I’m sorry that you can’t come over to the Potters during the first few weeks of the summer vacation as we’re in France now. I’m sure you could somehow make it but let’s not try to get you in even more trouble. Me and James don’t want to be the reason you’d get thrown out officially after all but we don’t want you to be disowned either way._ **

**_France is nice, James is way too touchy like usually and the food is nice. I bought some French sweets and since they sold Belgian muggle chocolate here, I bought some for Remus and I have send it to them. Hopefully it arrives without it melting first._ **

**_Write James a little more. I feel like he really needs it but please don’t assume me and James are doing naughty things again okay?_ **

**_-Severus_ **

As Sirius finished reading Severus’ letter he thought a little before he took James’ letter and he was very confused when he read the first word of the letter.

**_Bonjour Sirius (Apparently ‘Bonjour’ means ‘hello’ in French. Learned this from Severus.)_ **

**_I’m having a grand time in Paris with Severus and my parents but next week we’ll be home again so you’ll be able to visit us. Severus has been acting strange ever since the trip started and I’m not sure what to do with his behaviour._ **

**_Okay, I lied. He’s definitely flirting with me without him knowing it himself. I want to point it out to him but I also don’t want him to get back in his shell._ **

**_What do I do?_ **

**_-James_ **

Sirius chuckled a little. “Honestly if they don’t start dating this year…” he rolled his eyes and then continued with the letters as he took Peter’s letter next.

**_Sirius, hey!_ **

**_I’ve tried this new baking recipe with my mom and I know you probably don’t bake yourself but maybe you could try asking the elves to make it for you? I put an ingredient list and a step by step instruction in the envelop along the letter._ **

**_Besides that, how are you doing? Have you heard from the others as well? I haven’t heard much from Severus and James but maybe that’s because of them being in France at the moment._ **

**_However, if the house elves make the cake for you, let me know what you think?_ **

**_-Peter_ **

Sirius laughed a little but his laughing abruptly stopped when Regulus suddenly came into his room.

“Learn to knock.” Sirius said.

“Mom and dad want you to stop laughing. They—” Regulus ignored what Sirius said and just brought the message like he was told but Sirius interrupted by snapping at him that if mom and dad said that, they should talk to him by themselves and not use Regulus as an owl.

“I’m not being used as an owl.” Regulus tried to defend.

“You totally are. And what happened to you never hating me? When did you turn your back on me again? I get it at home but at Hogwarts you have been ignoring me after you came back from last Christmas. Did mom and dad brainwash you to make you hate me?” Sirius asked.

Regulus didn’t answer however and turned away before quickly leaving the room.

“Coward!” Sirius yelled after him before he looked down to the letters again. Although he still had to read Lily’s letter and he needed to answer to some of his friend’s letters, he didn’t felt like doing it now anymore and he threw the letters from the bed before he laid down again.

Regulus went back to his parents and reported to his parents what Sirius said to him.

“Regulus don’t listen to him, he’s a lost cause. Once we can, we’ll make him leave the house.” Walburga said to her youngest son.

“Make him leave?” Regulus asked a little confused.

“Oh yes, unless he changes his ridiculous values in acceptable one’s that is. We can’t just keep him here if he’s being so ‘nice’ to all those blood traitors and filthy mudbloods, Regulus.” Walburga said and her husband, Orion agreed without a word. Even though he agreed with his wife’s words he believed Sirius was just a kid and it found it a little much to already decide on his fate. After all maybe it was just a phase he was going through and he’d come around when he was older.

Regulus however was quite hurt with the words that his mother spoke of his brother but he didn’t say anything and just nodded, silently pretending he agreed with what she said. Regulus didn’t want to lose his brother but at this rate there would later come a moment that he had to choose a side but he really didn’t want to. He just wanted his family to stay together. He wanted his parents and Sirius both happy. He wanted a happy family.

A week passed and as soon Sirius had gotten a letter with the message that James and Severus were back in England he was ready to go to their place but he knew his parents probably wouldn’t let him out but he had to try it so as he got out of his room during the day, he looked around and when he saw his dad by himself with the daily prophet, he took his chance. Talking to his dad was way easier than to his mom.

“Father?” Sirius asked as politely as he could and Orion looked up at that.

“Yes, Sirius?” He asked flatly.

“I was wondering if I could visit a friend.” Sirius said.

“It depends.” Orion said.

“It’s James Potter, I’ve visited him before. He’s a pureblood.” Sirius tried.

“I remember that.” Orion put his newspaper down. “You can visit him but you have to come home before dinner time and you must not let your mother notice that you’re gone. You hear me?” Orion asked and as Sirius nodded, Orion made a sign to quickly leave before his mother came.

“Thank you dad.” Sirius smiled a little and then he quickly left and when he was gone Orion sighed a little.

‘I’ve never seen him smile before.’ Orion thought before he grabbed the newspaper again and continued to read it.

Once Sirius arrived at the Potters’ place in Godric’s Hollow, Euphemia opened the door for him and told that Severus and James were upstairs.

Sirius thanked her and went to join his friends upstairs.

“How did you manage to escape?” James asked.

“I asked my dad for permission actually and he gave it but I can’t stay for dinner. I have to leave in time to make sure I’m home before dinner is served.” Sirius said.

“It’s kind of surprising he let you go after what you all told what happened.” Severus said.

“I know. I was quite surprised myself but I knew I had the best chance with my dad anyway. My mother would have never allowed this.” Sirius said.

“Yeah, she definitely wouldn’t.” James said, knowing how Sirius’ mother was by the stories Sirius told him.

“Anyway, let’s enjoy ourselves.” Severus said and both Sirius and James agreed to that.


	37. Fourth year: Crushes and hormones

They were too early, way too early but Orion had done that on purpose. Orion wanted to talk with his oldest son before his wife would come with Regulus. He wanted to talk with Sirius about what he had said the day before as he had to know for sure that his son wasn’t just saying things to anger his mother.

“Did you mean what you said to us yesterday?” Orion asked coldly.

“Yes, I did. Why would I lie, father?” Sirius asked, he had grown a little bit over summer again but he still would be kind of short compared to most of his friends.

“I’m not saying you’re lying but it wouldn’t be the first time that you just do things to anger your mother.” Orion frowned.

“Everything I do angers her and when I tell her about my excellent grades she doesn’t listen because the only thing she cares about is the house I’m in and the friends I hang out with.” Sirius said.

Orion glared at his son. “Just keep at it with your grades. I do care. I would have preferred if you were in Slytherin and made friends of your standing only but the fact that all of your grades are the best they could be is something to be proud of.” Orion said.

“My friends are just fine.” Sirius argued.

Orion sighed but didn’t say anything back on it and instead went back to the initial topic he wanted to discuss. “If you’re serious about what you said and this is not some phase you’re going through then tell me more about that boy you mentioned.” Orion said.

Sirius looked a little confused at first but then told: “His name is Remus Lupin, he’s in the same year as me, in the same house. In fact, we share a room amongst some other boys. He’s part of my friend group.”

Orion listened and as he hadn’t heard the name before he guessed it either was one of Sirius’ half blood friends or that mudblood that he befriended.

“Is he the m—” Orion tried to ask but Sirius shook his head. “No, he’s half blood. He loves studying and he’s an excellent wizard.” Sirius praised.

“Alright.” Orion said. “If this is really something you are serious about. I repeat, if this is really not just a phase, then it’s fine with me. But you must not let your mother know that I gave my approval, I’ll talk to her myself.” Orion said.

“Father…why are you fine with it?” Sirius asked. To his knowledge his father was just as bad as his mom but the only difference was that his dad rarely yelled at him or insulted him, it always had been his mom. The only times that Sirius could remember that his dad did so was when he was being really difficult and didn’t want to listen.

“Your mother is disgusted by the idea because it’s ‘unnatural’ but let’s be real, if there’s something unnatural, it’s marrying your cousin and having kids with them. Also, same sex marriage between two wizards is legal and it’s possible to have children no? That’s what you told and I didn’t believe you at first but I checked it, it’s true. But if this turns out to be some phase of yours, I don’t want to hear about it, got it? I’ll only allow it if you’re serious about this.” Orion said.

Before Sirius could say anything, Orion said to just not say anything to his mother and before he could add something, Walburga arrived with Regulus at the platform.

“Let’s go, Orion. They’ll find their way on the train themselves. They’re old enough by now.” Walburga said. Orion nodded and as Walburga went ahead he said to Sirius quickly to write him before he went after her.

Sirius looked a little surprised still. He couldn’t believe his father just accepted him and that he even told him to write him. He never asked Sirius to write him before.

“Has father officially lost his mind?” Sirius asked. Regulus didn’t reply though and he went on the train without saying anything to Sirius.

As Sirius went on the train, he quickly found the compartment with his friends in it and as he entered with a smile on his face, his friends were quite concerned. “Has something good happened?” Remus asked in disbelief.

“My father has gone mad.” Sirius said and because he looked so happy, Severus guessed: “I suppose in the good way? Else I’m concerned as to why you’re so happy.”

“My dad asked me to write him and for once he accepted something of me that my mom didn’t and it’s just so weird but so good to see that he’s having a different opinion than her you know.” Sirius said.

“He accepted that you’re friends with a muggleborn?” Lily asked.

“Not quite but I think he’s getting there. It’s something else he accepted. I can’t quite tell you guys on the train.” Sirius said.

“Oh come on why not?” James asked.

“Just because…what if someone passes by this compartment and happens to hear it.” Sirius said.

“The compartment is closed. The only chance they’ll hear it when they pass by is if you yell it.” Remus argued.

Sirius still hesitated for a little but Peter’s words made him relax a little: “We know your parents, especially your mom apparently doesn’t really have an open mind when it comes to a lot of things but you know we have right? There’s not much you can tell us that will make us hate you.”

“I told my parents that I… have a crush on a guy.” Sirius said softly and for a moment he didn’t want to look at his friends.

“Hopefully I’m not that guy.” James joked and Sirius pulled a face. “Eww, mate…” Sirius looked at him in disgust.

“I’m not telling who it is but—” Sirius said but Peter then asked: “But wait, haven’t you told your parents that it’s possible for two wizards of the same sex to have babies?”

“Yes I told them. My mother told that wasn’t the issue. Just the image of two men together disgusts her because it’s unnatural in her eyes.” Sirius said.

“Like marrying your cousin isn’t disgusting and unnatural.” Severus rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what my dad said on the platform. He’s fine with me having a crush on a guy, if I’m serious about it. He wouldn’t want to hear anything about it if it’s just to mess around or if it’s a phase…” Sirius said.

“I wonder what your mom’s reaction is going to be when she finds out what your dad thinks.” James said.

“I’m curious about that too and I honestly hope my dad doesn’t let mom change his views again.” Sirius said and then he looked out of the window and as he tuned out of the conversation, he had no idea that they were talking about their vacations.

“Paris was so fun!” James said.

“We could tell that from your letters, James.” Remus commented.

“Can you blame me I keep talking about it? It was bloody awesome. Good food, beautiful sights and well some other beautiful things as well…” James whispered the last part.

“James really?” Remus was the only one heard the last part.

“He has a nice ass…” James whispered and he glanced at Severus for a second. Severus was showing some pictures to Lily and as Remus saw what James was doing, he hit his arm.

“You’re unbelievable. How you can be so dirty?” Remus hissed.

James just got a little red and looked away.

“Seriously…” Remus whispered.

Later after they arrived and after the feast, they went to their dorm rooms. As Severus was taking his robes off, Sirius, Peter and Remus caught James staring at Severus’ butt.

“James, stop it..” Remus whispered but Sirius started laughing and as Severus turned around to ask what was going on, Peter tried to say there was nothing going on. “Really?” Severus asked.

“Y-yeah... Sirius is just being his odd self.” Peter lied but luckily Severus fell for it and he turned around again and continued to get changed.

James just went over to his bed and started getting changed too. He had to try controlling himself because he didn’t want Severus to find out that he was looking at his ass from time to time.

This was sure was going to be a fun time…


	38. Fourth year: James' secret admirer

The first few days of their new year had gone by and at the end of their first week as fourth year students, James had gotten a letter at breakfast. He thought it was from his parents at first but when he didn’t saw a name on the back of the envelop he frowned but still opened it up. He somewhat expected it to be a prank from one of his friends and so he was expecting it to explode in his face but it didn’t.

There was an actual letter inside that read:

**_Dear James,_ **

**_Your majestic hazel eyes make me forget everything that’s important. Your voice is as sweet as honey and the words you speak are able to melt anyone’s heart. Let’s not talk about your Quidditch skills because that would make this letter ten scrolls long. You’re brilliant, funny, kind and too beautiful to look at._ **

**_-Your secret admirer_ **

James’ eyes got big as he read the words. ‘Is this some kind of prank?’ he thought at first but before he could tell his friends that this wasn’t a very funny one if this was a prank of them, Sirius glanced over at the letter and frowned. “That’s a cringy love letter…” Sirius muttered.

“What James got a love letter?” Remus asked in disbelief.

“What’s that? I’m very desirable you know?” James brushed his hair back.

“Yeah, no, James. Stop it.” Lily rolled her eyes and Peter managed to get the letter from James and started to read it aloud and while James tried to get the letter back and the most of the other marauders were laughing, Severus didn’t seem interested at all.

“Maybe this is just a prank from someone else you know.” Sirius said.

“The only way to know that is if you get some other letters just like this or not. If you do it’s most likely not a prank.” Remus said.

“So I should keep this one for a while and if I get another one like this compare the handwriting or something?” James asked and while the other marauders agreed, Lily glanced at the handwriting on the letter James was holding and for a moment she recognised it but she quickly shook it off as she never thought that person would write a love letter of any sort.

A few more days passed and in the meanwhile James had gotten another letter. This one seemed to at least prove it wasn’t a prank and that the person who wrote it liked watching James playing Quidditch.

**_Dear James,_ **

**_Many people might dub you as a show-off when you play Quidditch but I think with that amount of skills, it would be just unfair to not show them off now and then, wouldn’t it?_ **

**_The way you sit on your broom, the way your face looks when you concentrate on the game, it shows you take Quidditch very seriously. I love the face you make when you catch the snitch the most. I love your bright smile as it melts my cold dead heart._ **

**_-Your secret admirer_ **

James read the letter before taking out the previous one out of his pocket. “Remus, is the same handwriting?” He asked the guy who just took a bite out of his perfectly toasted slice of bread. Remus looked over to the two letters and glanced from one to the other before nodding. “They’re exactly the same in handwriting.” Remus confirmed.

“You got another letter from your secret admirer?” Peter asked.

“Don’t call them that.” James frowned.

“Well that’s what they call themselves as well, James.” Remus pointed out as both letters were each signed with ‘your secret admirer’.

“I’d have no idea who would write me such things though…” James said.

“Write them a letter back?” Sirius suggested.

“How if I don’t know where the letter comes from?” James asked.

“Well you might not know but your owl might. This secret admirer of yours went to the owlery and gave the letter to your owl so it would deliver it to you at breakfast.” Lily pointed out.

“Yeah but then what do I write?” James asked.

“Ask who they are?” Peter suggested.

“I wouldn’t ask that. No ‘secret admirer’ gives their identity away just like that, else they wouldn’t be a ‘secret admirer’ you know. What you need to ask is general questions. Things you’d like to know, besides their name that is.” Remus advised.

During all of this, Severus was listening in but he didn’t seem to be interested in the whole secret admirer thing.

“Hmmm, general questions. Things I want to know.” James thought aloud before he got up.

“What are you going to do, James?” his friends asked.

“I’m going to write my secret admirer a letter.” James said before he walked off.

He went to his room and as he grabbed some parchment and a quill and ink, he started to write.

**_Dear secret admirer_ **

**_I have been receiving a few letters from you and I started wondering who you might be. You might not want to tell me who you are but could at least answer a few questions?_ **

**_In which house and year are you? Also are you a boy or a girl? For now, this should be enough information. Additional information is welcome though._ **

**_-James_ **

James then folded the letter, put it in the envelop and then went to the owlery and when he gave the letter to his owl he told his owl that he needed to deliver this letter to the person who had been sending him letters lately. “I’m sure you remember…” James added and as his owl had the letter, he quickly flew away. James didn’t watch in which direction his owl went and as he was on his way back to his friends he wondered who this person could be that was sending him letters.

‘Why don’t they just come up to me and tell me how they feel?’ he asked to himself.

Only a few hours passed before James got another letter from his owl.

“You already got an answer?” Frank was with James this time as they were walking to the great hall for lunch.

“Yes, it seems so.” James said and he opened the envelop and took the letter out.

**_Dear James_ **

**_I am sorted into the same house as you. I’m in the same year as you and I’m a guy. I’m aware of your sexuality but many people are at this point. So I’m not too scared of rejection. However, I would just wish you opened your eyes a little more. I wished you would remember some important things of the past and then you might be better at figuring out who I am._ **

**_-Your secret admirer_ **

“A Gryffindor fourth year huh? I swear it’s not me though.” Frank said and he added the second bit quickly.

“I know it’s not you. I’ve seen you looking at Alice.” James rolled his eyes.

“I have not been looking at Alice!” Frank protested.

“You totally have.” James teased.

“Oh shut up you, your eyes are on Severus’ ass 90% of the time that he’s near.” Frank said back.

“Is it that bad?” James got a little red.

“Yes, nasty boy.” Frank said as they entered the great hall.

As James joined his friends at the table, he told them about the new letter he got and Remus advised to just wait for another letter to come.

“Why though?” James asked.

Remus leaned closer to whisper: “You need the secret admirer to make some kind of mistake, by letting them write you and eventually they will make the mistake of giving too much information.”

“Will that really work?” James asked and Remus said he wouldn’t lose by trying it.

“I’m sure it will.” Remus said and he grabbed another sandwich.

Then James remembered he still had to write an assignment for Transfiguration and he actually didn’t know where to start so he asked if Severus could help him out.

“Sure.” Severus nodded and so after lunch, Severus accompanied James to the study hall. “Shouldn’t we get some books first at the library?” James then asked.

“Oh, well most of the good books are gone now but I’ll lend the one I took?” Severus suggested.

“Really?” James asked.

“Of course.” Severus said and he took it out of his bag. As they sat down in the study hall, Severus opened the book and as James got some parchment, some ink and his quill, put it all down on the table before he looked over to the book. For a moment he didn’t even realise how close he and Severus were sitting but Severus did and he surprisingly leaned against James. It made the other boy look up.

“Severus?” James asked and what happened next happened so quickly that James almost believed he was just imaging it.

Severus grabbed the book, held it open in front of them so if anyone sat across them, they wouldn’t see what was happening. Then Severus leaned closer and kissed James on the lips, only for a second or two before he pulled back, put the book down and then said: “I’m sure you’re able to do the assignment by yourself.” before he ran off.

James sat there and when he registered what happened he grabbed the book and his stuff before he tried to go after Severus. James couldn’t find him anywhere and instead came across Lily.

Lily saw a look in James’ face she didn’t see before. He looked so confused and lost as if he wasn’t sure where he was.

“James, are you okay?” Lily asked and she put her hand on his shoulder.

“Y-yeah…I think.” James said slowly.

“Have you gotten another letter from your secret admirer?” She asked jokingly.

“No, Severus…he kissed me. He actually kissed me. It happened so quick and so I only noticed when he was gone again.” James told softly.

“Oh…and you’re trying to find him now?” Lily asked, she was surprised as well.

“Yes but I didn’t see where he ran off to. Did you see him?” James asked.

“No, I’m sorry but I’ll look for him too.” Lily said.

“Thanks but that’s not needed. I want him to find him by myself.” James said and then he looked around again before he left off again. He hoped to find Severus soon. He was not sure if this was Severus trying to confess to him or if this was something entirely different but then he shook off the second thought. He knew that Severus wouldn’t do anything to mess with him.

‘I need to find him.’ He thought to himself.


	39. Fourth year: Boyfriends

James kept running to look for Severus but he didn’t manage to find him until it was time for dinner. He saw Severus go into the great hall but because James was out of breath by this point, he couldn’t run after him right now. He did follow him though and when Severus sat down, he grabbed more food than he usually did and soon the other marauders and Lily joined him. James didn’t sit down just yet and stood across from where Severus sat.

“Severus, can we talk please?” James asked but Severus continued to eat as if he didn’t heard James.

“Severus?” James asked again and sat down now and he tried to get Severus’ attention. He kept trying and trying but Severus wouldn’t just react and it started to worry Lily and the other boys but it kind of hurt James. Severus had kissed him and had ran off and when James finally found him, the guy was ignoring him like he wasn’t even there.

“Severus, look at me?” James asked one last time but Severus only looked up for a bit and then looked back at his plate.

James’ heart broke and instead of getting sad over this, he got angry, stood up and put his hand on Severus’ head before pushing it down so Severus’ face was pushed into his food. Then before anyone could react, James yelled: “Asshole!” before storming off.

Severus raised his head again and Lily watched him use a clean up spell before she asked what was that about.

“Why did he push you down like that?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, what in merlin’s name was his problem?” Sirius asked.

Severus couldn’t just let his friends be worried about him while he wasn’t completely innocent either. James definitely did something wrong but he did so too.

“I’m sorry…” Severus apologised before he got up and left quickly.

“I can’t believe they went from kissing to this…” Lily said softly.

“Wait, they kissed?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah, apparently. James told me that Severus kissed him before running off.” Lily said.

“Would that explain why James tried to talk to him?” Peter asked.

“Yeah but why did Severus ignore him and also isn’t James’ reaction a little much?” Sirius asked.

“In my opinion they’re both in the wrong.” Remus sighed and then he added. “I swear, I’m tired of the drama between those two. If they don’t resolve this quickly, I’m going to…” Remus got frustrated.

“Don’t stress over this so much, they’ll make up before we know it.” Sirius assured him and Remus believed him for a moment but later that night when James and Severus were both back in the dorm. Both guys ignored each other and the other marauders. They immediately went to bed and pretended to be asleep.

“They’ll be fine tomorrow morning I’m sure.” Sirius said but he couldn’t be more wrong because not the morning that came or the days that came after did Severus and James talk or even look at each other.

Severus was down but didn’t show it much in his face and sat as far as he could from his friend group during each meal while James was pretty obviously either angry or sad all the time.

After a week of their ‘antics’, Remus had enough of it and he separated himself from the marauders in pure frustration. Their quintet was now a duo. Only Sirius and Peter still hung out with each other.

“What are we going to do, Sirius? If this is going to take any longer I’m afraid it will hold us back from achieving our goal and it will just break the group permanently.” Peter muttered, he was pretty sad over this and he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Come on, Peter. Don’t be down over this. They’ll make up soon.” Sirius said.

“You know have been saying that for like over a week by now?” Peter asked.

“It’s better to stay positive to mope around, that’s what you guys taught me and now I’m trying to stay optimistic and who’s moping around now?” Sirius asked.

“I know that but Sirius, I feel like we should try doing something because at this rate it will take a long time before they start talking to each other.” Peter said nervously.

“Okay fine. But what do we do then?” Sirius asked and he and Peter both started thinking.

Then Sirius got and idea and whispered it to Peter.

“But isn’t that going to make them angry with us afterwards?” Peter asked.

“If it makes them talk, it’s totally worth it.” Sirius said before he explained to Peter how they would go about their plan.

A few hours later as Severus was about to go to the owlery to give a letter to his owl for the Potters, James’ owl flew to him and it gave a letter to him.

Severus opened the envelop and as he took the letter out he read its contents.

**_Dear Severus_ **

**_I know a letter isn’t much of an apology but please let’s meet at the lake just before curfew. I want to make it up to you. I will be waiting for you._ **

**_-James_ **

Severus put the letter away in his pocket before he continued his way. Meanwhile, James had gotten the same letter a few minutes before that.

**_Dear James_ **

**_I know a letter isn’t much of an apology but let’s meet at the lake just before curfew to talk it out. I want to make it up to you. I will be waiting for you_ **

**_-Severus_ **

Both James and Severus didn’t think anything of it and that evening right before curfew they went to the lake just like it said in the letters. As they got there, James asked: “You wanted to talk?”

“I thought you wanted to talk…?” Severus asked and he took a letter out and when he saw James taking out the same letter they first frowned at each other before they laughed.

“This is Peter’s and Sirius’ work isn’t it?” James asked.

“Definitely. I can’t believe I didn’t see this was Peter’s handwriting.” Severus said.

“Yeah and now I take a second look, this is definitely Sirius’ handwriting. You never write with that many curly edges…” James pointed out.

“But even though I didn’t write this, I’m sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have ignored you like that after kissing you.” Severus said.

“I shouldn’t have pushed your face in your food, I overreacted really. I’m sorry, Severus.” James said.

“Friends again?” he added softly after that.

“No. I don’t think I just can be your friend after that kiss.” Severus said. “And you don’t think I noticed but I obviously noticed you’ve been staring at my ass even before we boarded the train.” He added.

“You don’t want to be friends anymore?” James asked.

“Well, we still can be friends but not just that only…” Severus said and his cheeks got a little red.

“What do…ohh…you want to start dating me?” James asked.

“Yes but I don’t want anyone to know yet. If that’s fine with you so let’s not make it too obvious?” Severus looked at James shyly.

“I almost can’t believe my ears…but sure I won’t tell anyone. Will you be my boyfriend then?” James stepped a little closer.

“Yes…” Severus nodded.

James smiled brightly and pulled the other Gryffindor in his arms to hug him tightly. “I can’t believe this, please tell I’m not dreaming.” James said and Severus didn’t say anything but he squeezed James butt instead.

“Ow! Why are you squeezing my ass?” James asked.

“To let you know you’re not dreaming.” Severus grinned a little but he was still very red in his face.

“You’re unbelievable.” James rolled his eyes but he smiled happily after. He couldn’t tell anyone about this just yet but he was happy either way that he at least could call Severus his boyfriend in his mind.


	40. Fourth year: Christmas is near

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed this is chapter 40 already and I want to thank everyone for commenting, leaving kudos and bookmarking this work.

“I think we’ll get it next time.” Severus said to Sirius, James and Peter. They tried to transform today again but they didn’t seem to be able to just yet but Severus was sure he and the others would be able to soon.

“It’s December, Severus. It’s taking way too long.” Sirius complained.

“I know but Sirius, this isn’t something we can rush. It takes fully educated wizards and witches years to achieve and we’re in our fourth year. We can’t expect that we’ll do it any faster than them.” Severus argued.

Sirius was still not very convinced but Severus knew he wasn’t acting like this just because they weren’t able to transform yet. He and the other boys knew it was because the Christmas holiday was coming near and he hadn’t received a letter yet whether he was allowed to come home or not. Sirius had received one letter from his parents in October that he still was discussing some things with his mom and that Sirius just had to behave at school and get good grades in the meanwhile. Sirius was at this point losing hope in his dad. ‘He lets mom control him too.’ Sirius thought.

“Do you want us to talk to Regulus?” James asked.

“No, that’s not going to help at all.” Sirius sighed and he got up. “I’ll just end up spending Christmas here again.” Sirius said.

“No, you don’t have to. You can come over to my place during the holidays, I’m sure my parents will allow it.” James said.

“James, leave it.” Sirius said and he turned around and left the girls bathroom, their secret spot to gather whenever they were working on becoming animagi.

“Why is he so difficult?” James sighed.

“I get of understand him. But I do understand you’re trying to do this as his friend. You mean well but to him it comes off as if he’s being pitied and he doesn’t want that.” Severus said.

“But then what I’m supposed to do?” James asked and he looked at his boyfriend, Severus. Even though none of their friends knew of their relationship, he didn’t mind so much. It was their little secret for now.

Severus tried to keep his hair out of his face as it started to annoy him a little. “Wait it out a little bit longer and when we know for sure that he’s going to stay here for Christmas, let’s try to ask him over but we should approach it differently.” Severus told before he groaned. “Do you guys have something to keep my hair out of my face?” He asked.

“No?” Peter said as he didn’t really need it and James shook his head to.

“I’ll ask Lily when we see her.” Severus said.

“Isn’t Sirius’ hair longer now too? Maybe he has some?” Peter suggested as the three boys walked out of the girls bathroom.

“He always lets his hair loose though.” Severus said.

“Oh yeah…” Peter remembered and as they were walking through the hall, they found Sirius talking with Remus.

“You really don’t have to.” Remus argued but Sirius got the heavy books from Remus anyway. “How can you even carry these with those thin arms of yours?” Sirius asked.

“Excuse me, having thin arms doesn’t mean you’re weak.” Severus said.

“Thank you, Severus.” Remus smiled a little.

“Hey, guys. You know what I was thinking?” James asked.

“Let me guess. You were thinking about Severus’ butt?” Peter guessed.

“You were?” Severus looked up at James.

“I wasn’t!” James’ cheeks got a little red which made his friends doubt his words. “I mean it, I was thinking that we maybe should create something like a map that makes it kind of easier to find each other but it also would help with sneaking out at night? So if we could see the professors walking around on the map, we would be able to avoid them better.” James said.

“A map… of the whole castle then?” Remus asked.

“Sounds like a brilliant idea to me.” Sirius said.

“Sounds very difficult to achieve though.” Peter commented.

“Yes, but it’s not impossible. It does require us to explore the castle more and to read up on how to make maps.” Severus said.

“We should also probably lock it with a password so not everyone who gets this in their hands can read it.” Remus said and as Lily walked towards them they stopped their conversation on the map.

“Hey, Lily.” the boys said.

“Hey, guys. You better not be up to something with those grins on your faces.” Lily rolled her eyes.

“I swear we aren’t.” Sirius held his hands up.

“Doesn’t sound very believable to me.” Lily said.

“Lily can I lend something for my hair from you?” Severus asked and Lily nodded and she got a red ribbon out.

“It’s the only thing I have, is this okay?” She asked.

“Yeah sure…thank you.” Severus said and as he struggled to tie it in his hair, Lily helped out.

“Why are you putting your hair up in a ponytail anyway?” Sirius asked.

“Because it honestly annoys me.” Severus admitted.

“Then why don’t you get a haircut?” Peter suggested.

Severus thought about it but then shook his head. “I don’t want my hair short, I just want it out of my face.” Severus said and when Lily finished the ponytail she asked if she could braid Severus’ hair sometime.

“Absolutely not, Lily.” Severus said.

“Why not? I think it would look nice on you. What do you guys think?” Lily asked the other boys but Peter, Sirius and Remus claimed they weren’t the right person to ask for an opinion on it but James said: “Yes, please. I think it would so look beautiful.”

Lily grinned at that and Severus sighed. “Honestly, James maybe you should think about more important things.” Severus said.

“Really now?” James asked and he put his hand on his chest before he dramatically said: “But you are the most important—”

“Stop it, you’re embarrassing!” Severus got red and he walked off, on his way to the great hall.

“Wait for me!” James ran after him.

“Do they really think we haven’t noticed?” Lily asked.

“I think so.” Sirius grinned and Remus nodded.

“Noticed what?” Peter asked.

That made the Sirius, Remus and Lily sigh deeply. “I can’t believe you haven’t noticed yet, Peter. James and Severus are obviously dating.” Remus pointed out.

“Really?” Peter’s eyes got big.

“Yeah, Pete.” Sirius leaned his head against Remus’ shoulder in disbelief.

“Finally!” Peter threw his arms up in the air. “You are happy about this now, wait until they actually turn into horny—” Sirius said but Remus held him back from finishing his sentence.

“I don’t want to even think about that.” Lily said.

“You are lucky but we share a room with them.” Sirius glared.

“Oh boy, have fun with that.” Lily chuckled and she left to go to the great hall.

Peter looked at Sirius and Remus and when he noticed the look they exchanged, he whined. “I’m doomed!” Peter complained.

Peter didn’t have to complain just yet though as Severus and James were nowhere that stage in their relationship and Sirius hadn’t told Remus yet about his feelings. Remus was unaware of his feelings because Sirius was pretty good at hiding those.

At lunch the boys discussed several topics and when Frank brought up there was going to be an end of year ball for fourth years and up, the boys and Lily seemed to be interested.

“Poor Peter though, I bet he’ll go by himself.” Sirius said.

“Hey, I’m right here! And no, I won’t.” Peter protested.

“I want to see you try fix a girl for the end of year ball.” Sirius said.

“It’s at the end of the school year, after the exams. He has plenty of enough time to fix someone.” Frank told.

“Right.” Peter nodded.

“Yeah, if you don’t pee in your pants again.” Sirius brought up.

“That was one time, two years ago!” Peter whined.

Sirius just laughed but Severus smacked the side of his head and Remus hit his arm.

“Help, I’m being violated!” Sirius whined.

“You totally deserved that.” James said before he looked at Peter. “You’ll be fine, Peter. Don’t worry about it.” James said.


	41. Fourth year: An old friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know in the comments if you'd like a flashback to the past or an chapter entirely focused on Orion and Felix. I have something in mind but I'm not sure of posting it.

Sirius had received a letter from his father saying that he was welcome for Christmas but that he wasn’t allowed back at home. It first had confused Sirius but when his father came to pick up the boys and dropped Regulus off at home first before taking Sirius elsewhere, the boy had even more questions.

“Father? Where are we going?” Sirius asked and as they arrived at a house that was significantly smaller than the place the family actually owned but a house that still looked nice, Orion finally answered.

“It’s my second house. Now, we'll be spending Christmas here. I encourage you to write your brother as much as you can. It might be too late to change your mother’s mind but not your little brother’s. He’s still young and he still can change for the better.” Orion said as they entered the house.

“You may try to invite him over but I don’t think your mother will let him come over. But after Christmas day, you can have a friend or two over. If you behave that is.” Orion said and he took his coat off.

“Why aren’t we just staying with them?” Sirius asked.

“Because...I wasn’t able to convince your mother on letting you come over for the holidays but I figured all your friends would leave Hogwarts during the holidays so I made the offer that I will have you over here.” Orion told.

“Will you join them for Christmas eve or Christmas day?” Sirius asked.

“No. But I will have Alphard over for Christmas eve.” Orion told.

“Uncle Alphard?” Sirius asked as his father nodded, Sirius smiled a little.

“Now, go upstairs and take the first room on your right. That’s your room. Go unpack your things.” Orion said and as Sirius left, he sighed. Although he didn’t want to split the family up. For now he had to because he didn’t want Sirius to be by himself and the agreement was between him and Walburga for now that she would have Regulus for Christmas and he would take of Sirius. Orion just hoped that Walburga wouldn’t brainwash their youngest son into thinking that Orion and Sirius hated him. With another deep sigh, Orion went upstairs and entered his bedroom. As he looked around, he was reminded of things from the past that he wished he had forgotten. “Stupid, Donovan. Still in my mind after all this years…” Orion whispered to himself but his son who just walked by heard him.

“Father, who’s Donovan?” Sirius asked. He never heard that name before and he was just curious about who his father was talking.

Orion looked back at his son and said: “An old… friend.” it was a lie, partly either way but his son didn’t need to know the truth, Orion thought.

Sirius didn’t notice he was lying but he asked if his father could tell more about his old friend. He never had heard about any of his father’s friends before and he was just curious if this friend was just like his dad and mom, someone who thought purebloods were the best and that other wizards were filthy. Or if for some odd reason his father had a friend that had completely different views and values.

“I’ll tell you. Go downstairs and wait for me. I still need to unpack.” Orion said. Talking about some things couldn’t hurt, Orion thought. He just had to skip over some things so his son wouldn’t know who Donovan really was.

As Sirius left to go back downstairs, Orion closed the door and unpacked before he left the room. He went downstairs where his son sat by the fireplace and Orion looked at him before he sat down in the armchair.

“His name was Felix Donovan and I met him at Hogwarts.” Orion started.

“Was he in Slytherin too?” Sirius asked, knowing that his dad like most of the Black family had been in Slytherin.

“No. He was sorted into Hufflepuff. At first, I truly despised him. His both parents were muggles, he was truly an oddball and he was loud too. He always smiled despite people mocking him or pushing him over. In first year we didn’t get along one bit. He was never really rude to me but I was to him but one time in second year he came up to me while I was trying to make my Transfiguration assignment and I was struggling a little to get further as I couldn’t find what I was looking for but Felix came up to me and he started flipping through the pages of my book before pointing at a certain section in the book. I wanted to call him off you know because he was annoying me but when I saw he found what I was looking for I heard myself thanking him.” Orion told.

“What made him so odd?” Sirius asked as he listened to the story.

“He would always wear mismatching socks, he would laugh when people pulled pranks on him and he ate like a beast. Although, that last thing stopped when he got older.” Orion said.

“Anyway, he smiled brightly at me before leaving and although I initially was glad he left, I found myself looking for him quite a few times after what happened in the study hall. We ended up having secret meet ups in second and third year but in fourth year we didn’t speak for a while. He got into Quidditch at the time and he was a seeker. I never played Quidditch as I wasn’t interested but I knew how popular Felix was. By fifth year, he was still an oddball though but he wasn’t teased for it anymore. A lot of people loved him but most Slytherins still hated him. I however got back to talking with him and although it was in secret. We got along better than ever. It continued in sixth and seventh year and even after graduation, we didn’t immediately parted ways as friends.” Orion told.

“I moved into this place, together with him. But it didn’t last very long. Within four months our friendship got very sour as our values didn’t match up and like that, Felix left and shortly after I got married to your mom so this place wasn’t used anymore. But I kept it, just in case either you or Regulus needed it someday.” Orion said.

Sirius thought for a while and he had quite a few questions but he didn’t really want to assume anything about his father as he didn’t want to anger him.

“I want you to never talk about this with your mother. You understood?” Orion then asked.

“I never talk with mother but why would it be bad to talk about a friend of yours?” Sirius asked.

“Because he’s…” Orion tried.

“Because he’s muggle born. Father, if you really minded that much, you wouldn’t have been friends in the first place.” Sirius said.

“It’s not just that, Sirius but think how you like. The fact that we aren’t friends any longer says a lot about me not minding so much.” Orion glared at his son.

“He left because you didn’t want to change your values. Imagine someone you’re befriended with hating everything about your kind, of course you would leave them.” Sirius said and he stood up and went upstairs before his father could argue back.

“It was much more complicated than that.” Orion whispered to himself when his son was gone. He stared into the fire and tried to remember the good times between him and Felix Donovan.

He could remember their last year at Hogwarts vividly even though that was 27 years ago by now. Felix’ light brown hair was a little longer than Orion’s black hair that was neatly cut. Felix’ eyes were dark blue and the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain and chaser had a lovely bright smile. Orion closed his eyes and he could almost hear Felix’ voice.

_“Cheer up, Orion!” the guy said but Orion didn’t seem to brighten up even a little. “You just want another kiss isn’t it?” Felix chuckled and as Orion nodded, Felix smirked. “You sneaky little Slytherin. Just ask me next time?” Felix asked before he held Orion closer and kissed him._

Orion had a dream about the past and when the next morning came he was woken up by Alphard.

“If you’re going to dream about sinful things, at least do it in your bedroom, Orion.” Alphard joked but it made Orion looked around in panic.

“Stop it, Sirius didn’t think any of it. But you can’t fool me.” Alphard said. “Anyway, get changed. You smell.” Alphard said and he left to go to the dining room where Sirius was eating breakfast.

As Alphard joined the table again Sirius looked a little confused. “Something sinful?” Sirius asked as he had heard his uncle’s words.

“I said you didn’t see anything behind what he was talking about in his sleep but don’t actually tell me you didn’t get it.” Alphard said as he grabbed another toast.

“I think I understood but I don’t believe it…” Sirius said.

“Why not?” Alphard asked.

“Because he’s married to my mother.” Sirius tried to reason.

“So?” Alphard asked with a frown. “That literally doesn’t mean anything. That marriage was arranged first off.” Alphard said. “And secondly, I thought your generation knew more of these kinds of things.” Alphard added.

“Maybe other boys and girls my age, uncle but not me. How can I know with the way I was raised?” Sirius asked.

“Well it’s never too late to learn more, isn’t it?” Alphard asked and when they were almost finished with breakfast, Orion came in.

“You could have told you were coming this early. Alphard.” Orion said.

“Well, is it my fault you slept so long?” Alphard asked.

Orion wanted to argue back but he ended up not doing that.

“Father?” Sirius asked and as Orion looked up he didn’t expect the next question his son asked. “Could you please tell me why you lied to me? I was told to never lie but shouldn’t that work both ways?”

Orion’s eyes got big and he glanced at Alphard as if to say ‘I thought that Sirius didn’t think any of it.’ but Alphard purposefully ignored his eyes.

“Sirius, you’re right. I taught you that way but I don’t see why you should know about these things.” Orion said.

“I don’t really have to know but it explains why you’re so accepting of me, father.” Sirius said.

“That’s not the main reason. I just don’t want you to make sure this is what you want and I don’t want you to make the same mistake as me.” Orion said.

“Fall in love with a guy I can’t have?” Sirius asked.

“No.” Orion groaned. “Give up. I don’t want you to give up. I want you to keep fighting if you think if that guy is really worth it.” Orion said and then he left the dining room without breakfast. His appetite was over.

“Did I went too far?” Sirius asked as he never had seen his dad so upset before. He never had seen his dad upset in any way.

“No, but the last time I saw him upset like that was when he married your mother. I thought it was because she’s his cousin but now I think about it. It might have been because of that Donovan guy.” Alphard said.

“Uncle Alphard, do you know where Mr. Donovan lives?” Sirius asked.

“No, Sirius. But why would you want to know?” Alphard frowned but then he realised it. “You want to try and reconnect the two?” he guessed.

“Yes. Even if they just end up becoming friends, I think it would be good for my father.” Sirius said.

“Why do you care so much? He’s your father yes but it’s not like he has been much of a lovely parent, like ever.” Alphard said.

“He’s changing, uncle Alphard.” Sirius said. “In a good way.” Sirius added.

“Well, I don’t know the man’s address and if your father knows, he wouldn’t tell you but looking into his notebook might help.” Alphard said.

“My father has a notebook?” Sirius asked.

“Yes and he always carries it with him. But I know a little trick to get it from him. If I get it from him, you must write the letter, got me?” Alphard said.

“Alright.” Sirius nodded and as uncle Alphard left the dining room, Sirius thought a little. ‘Who could have thought? My father and a muggleborn wizard?’ Sirius couldn’t imagine it.


	42. Fourth year: An old lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter includes some sexual scenes, although it brushes over most things that happen, I would advice to skip some parts of this chapter if that's what you don't like reading or if you're a minor.

When Alphard succeeded to get the notebook from Orion, he passed Mr. Donovan’s address to Sirius who wrote a letter to the old friend and lover of his father.

**_Dear Mr. Donovan_ **

**_My name is Sirius Black, I’m the oldest son of your old friend Orion Black. It must be a long time you have seen him and though I understand the pureblood values and anti muggle/muggleborn views made it unable for you to stay his friend, I’d like to say that he has been changing for the better. Perhaps it’s a little late but I’d like to think it’s never too late to change. I’m writing you to ask if you would consider either writing back to my father or to come over to visit him._ **

**_We temporarily live in the place you used to live together with him._ **

**_-Sirius Black_ **

Sirius then send the letter off with his owl and hoped his father would get a response soon or that Mr. Donovan would visit but since this evening it was Christmas eve, Sirius didn’t have too much faith in it. Perhaps Mr. Donovan had moved on and had a family of his own and even if he wanted to reconnect with his old friend, maybe he would not respond tonight.

Later that evening as they failed to cook, Alphard and Orion were arguing. “I never cook, Alphard, what did you expect?” Orion asked.

“I don’t know, I didn’t expect some high class dinner but I at least expected you to not burn anything!” Alphard argued and that’s when the doorbell went.

Sirius got up to get the door but Orion said he would get it and as he opened the door, Orion never expected to be met with dark blue eyes, light brown hair and that bright smile that he wasn’t able to forget the past hours.

“Felix?” Orion asked.

“You still can’t cook Orion?” Felix grinned as he smelt something burned coming from the kitchen.

“What are you doing here?” Orion asked as Felix walked in.

“Your son Sirius wrote me.” Felix said and before Orion could go after Sirius to yell at him that doing this was inappropriate, Felix held him back. “Hey, don’t be angry at him. He meant it well.” Felix said and Orion just sighed.

Alphard left the kitchen and for the first time he saw the man that his brother in law supposedly liked.

“Can you cook?” Alphard asked.

“Yeah, I can.” Felix just chuckled and after he took his coat off, he left off to the kitchen. “How is it possible that both of you can’t cook? Not even with magic?” Felix asked and he got his wand out and as he casted some cooking spells, Orion replied with: “Because we never cook.”

“You make your wives do all of it? That’s a little…” Felix said.

“No, our house elves cook.” Orion said.

“Uh, what’s with pureblood families and their house elves?” Felix asked. “Not all of the pureblood families have house elves.” Sirius told as he knew that for example James’ family didn’t have house elves.

As Alphard and Sirius started a conversation, Orion felt himself looking at Felix while he was cooking and when Felix turned on the oven and put the food in before closing it, Orion walked over to Felix.

“How have you been doing?” Orion asked.

“Fine for the most part. But there have been rumours lately of someone who’s after muggleborns so I’ve been a little cautious…” Felix admitted.

“I see… you can stay here, along with your family if you need to.” Orion said softly.

“I don’t have a family, Orion.” Felix said. “I never married or got together with someone and my parents and extended family is dead.” Felix told.

Orion looked down at that and he apologised. “Orion, it wasn’t something or someone magical that killed them. Most of them died from muggle diseases.” Felix said.

“I’m sorry anyway. You’re all alone and…” Orion tried to say but Felix made him shut up by giving him a quick kiss on his lips.

“My eyes!” Alphard said dramatically.

“Felix, don’t do that again in front of my brother in law and my son.” Orion flushed red and avoided to look at anyone now.

“Uncle Alphard, let’s give them some privacy.” Sirius said and he pulled his uncle along and once they left the kitchen, Felix laughed.

“Your son is brilliant!” Felix laughed. “Felix…” Orion glared at him.

“Yeah?” Felix calmed down but like usually he still had the bright smile on his face. He looked at Orion who pulled him closer, almost aggressively so and the man kissed Felix passionately but only briefly before he pushed Felix back.

“Wow, Orion. Leave some for in the bedroom, will you?” Felix joked.

“Really? I’m married, Felix.” Orion said back.

“If that’s the case, you shouldn’t have kissed me either.” Felix argued.

Orion didn’t say anything back and it made Felix think a little. “Where’s your wife by the way?” He asked.

“She’s at our house with our youngest son.” Orion said.

“Are you having marital issues, Orion?” Felix asked after a short silence.

“Maybe…” Orion sighed. “I’ve always had issues surrounding my marriage with her but I had no choice but to stay in it and although I love my sons, I’ve let her take control of them and me way too much for way too long. Though when my oldest son, Sirius came up to me and her and told us that he had a crush on a guy… I couldn’t help but think back to what happened between us.” Orion told.

“So you took his side for once and she didn’t agree?” Felix asked as he listened to what Orion told him.

“Yeah… but she wanted to keep our other son with her and now I’m afraid that she will brainwash him into thinking that me and his brother hate him.” Orion said.

“Would she really do that?” Felix frowned.

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time that she convinced someone else into thinking something else than they previously did.” Orion looked at Felix.

“Merlin…” Felix sighed and for a moment he looked up before he looked back at Orion. “Think about it, okay? I’ll make you feel a little better, hopefully.” Felix brushed Orion’s hair back.

“Why would you do that? Aren’t you over me?” Orion bit his lip.

“How could I be over this? Besides, let’s say if I was, I wouldn’t have kissed you.” Felix smirked a little and he pulled Orion closer.

“Let me think okay?” Orion asked and when Felix nodded and let him go, Alphard came in again.

“Good thing that the kitchen is still whole!” Alphard dramatically said.

“I swear, Alphard, stop it. We’re not doing anything!” Orion yelled in defence.

“…Yet.” Felix smirked.

“I don’t want to hear about my dad doing that.” Sirius walked in too.

“Sirius, have you written your Regulus today already?” Orion asked to make his son stop talk about it.

“Yes, father.” Sirius nodded.

“Then go write some of your friends and Alphard get out of the kitchen before I throw you out of the house.” Orion glared.

Sirius walked out and Alphard muttered something before leaving too. “Don’t blow the kitchen up!” Alphard yelled.

“Uncle Alphard, that’s enough I think.” Sirius commented.

Later the four had dinner and as Alphard gave some presents to Sirius, Orion was softly talking to Felix. “I haven’t brought anything with me…I’m sorry.” Felix said.

“It’s fine, I don’t have anything for you either.” Orion said.

“Well you didn’t know I was coming.” Felix said.

“I didn’t but I was more than just glad that it was you at the door and not Walburga.” Orion said.

After dinner and after Sirius received his gifts and went to his room, Alphard said he was leaving. “I’d like to stay but I’ve been invited for Christmas day at my brothers place so see you another time, Orion.” Alphard said before he looked over at the muggleborn that was sitting in the armchair where Alphard had found Orion this morning.

“Divorce her if you need to but just make sure you get your sons and… know that you’ll probably be disowned if you divorce her.” Alphard said and then he left without giving Orion the chance to reply back.

“Are you?” Felix asked.

“Am I what?” Orion looked back.

“Are you planning to divorce her?” Felix felt bad if that was the case. He didn’t want Orion to be disowned.

“I’m not sure yet but Felix, it was bound to happen someday, even if you didn’t come back. So don’t think it’s your fault in any way.” Orion said.

Felix didn’t say anything back for once and his bright smile wasn’t anywhere to be seen. “I wished I fought more. I wish I tried more to change my ways so I could convince you to come back. I wish I never married her…” Orion sat down in the other armchair.

“But then you wouldn’t have had Sirius and Regulus and I thought you said you loved your sons.” Felix said softly.

“I would have preferred if that kind of magic that makes two wizards of the same sex able to have a baby existed back then too so we could have had Sirius and Regulus or maybe one more? Who knows?” Orion looked at the fire.

“What? That’s possible now?” Felix asked.

“You didn’t know?” Orion asked and he looked at Felix.

“No and I’m surprised you do.” Felix’ eyes were big.

“I didn’t at first, my son told me and my wife because he thought it might make her be more accepting towards same sex relationships. But it didn’t. I didn’t believe him at first but I went to look for it and when I found it I was devastated to know it’s only been a thing since 1969.” Orion told.

“So…if it was possible back then? You would have tried to…?” Felix got up from his seat.

Orion silently nodded, not sure what to expect. Was Felix disgusted with him? Was he angry?

“Try it now then.” Felix said as he went to Orion and he looked down at the other man.

“What?” Orion asked in confusion and disbelief.

“I know it might sound crazy and it’s maybe a little late but trying doesn’t hurt right?” he asked.

“Excuse me?” Orion’s eyes got big.

“You don’t want to?” Felix asked. “I understand it’s nuts…”

“I’m in my 40’s and my youngest son is turning 14 this year.” Orion argued.

“I know, Orion but trying doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.” Felix said softly.

“I know that too but what if it does? Who’s going to take care of it? What do I tell my family? Who’s going to carry the baby?” Orion panicked.

“Shh, I will carry it and if you end up divorcing Walburga, we’ll take care of it together. If you don’t then…I will but I will allow you to see it whenever you want. As for your family, tell them the truth. It’s hard but it’s better to tell them the truth and to get hurt than to tell lies and have to keep up with that lie for the rest of your life.” Felix said and he didn’t expect Orion to agree either way but the man surprised him.

“Let me brew the potion first. I think I’ve got all ingredients here as it are all common ingredients that are needed for this potion.” Orion said.

“You need a potion for it?” Felix asked.

“Yes and once you drink it, you either finish it off with a spell or sex.” Orion said.

“Orion…would you like to finish it off with sex?” Felix asked.

“Yeah, I’ve never taken control before when it was between us but I’d like to try.” Orion got red and he went to the brewing room.

“Are we brewing the potion right now?” Felix asked.

“Yes, unless you want to wait?” Orion asked softly. “No, I’m just a little surprised that you agreed to do it now.” Felix said and while Orion was brewing the potion, Orion asked if Felix preferred a boy or a girl.

“You can pick?” Felix asked.

“Well you can let the potion like it is now and it will be random or you add rosemary for a girl or blueberries for a boy.” Orion told.

“What…about a girl then? You’ve had two boys and I’ve always wanted a little girl.” Felix said.

“Me too…then let’s go for the rosemary then.” Orion said and he added some rosemary to the potion before stirring it.

“It actually doesn’t look so awful, comparing it to most other potions.” Felix commented and Orion agreed with that.

After the potion was finished, Orion poured it in a glass for Felix and as it cooled down a little, Felix drank it. He was surprised it didn’t taste too bad either because most potions were like most muggle medicine, they had a disgusting taste.

When he finished drinking it, Orion kissed him and then took him to the bedroom they used to share. As they got undressed, Felix casted a silencing charm on the room to make sure that Sirius wouldn’t wake up from this. Laying down on the bed, they made out passionately. It had been so long ago since they did this. Orion kissed Felix all over his body like he remembered Felix would always do to him, back then.

“Merlin! I’ve missed this…” Felix gasped and as Orion started to pleasure him down there, he moaned softly. “Me too…” Orion muttered as he rubbed Felix’s dick.

“Give me more please…” Felix begged.

“I will, be a little patient please..” Orion said.

After sex, the men laid next to each other panting a bit. “Is there a spell to see if it worked?” Felix asked.

“Yes but I’m pretty sure it only works starting from 24 hours after the sex…” Orion whispered.

“Ohh…” Felix turned on his side to look at Orion. “I love you, Orion. I always had and I always will.” Felix said.

“R-really? But you said…” Orion remembered Felix’ words when he left him.

“I was angry and I never said I didn’t love you anymore. I just couldn’t be around someone with such views. It hurt.” Felix said.

“I get that now…I’m sorry for taking so long.” Orion muttered.

“It’s never too late to learn, dear.” Felix said and Orion smiled a little as he leaned against Felix’s shoulder before he fell asleep.

The next morning that came, Sirius woke up first and because he didn’t see anyone downstairs, he went to peek in his father’s room and he saw he was laying in Mr. Donovan’s arms. Sirius quickly made his way downstairs again and checked if he had received any letters from Regulus or his friends.

Regulus and Remus had written him letters and this time, Sirius decided read his brother’s letter first.

**_Sirius,_ **

**_Mother is going crazy, I think. She’s muttering to the house elves about divorcing father. I don’t know where this came from. She tried to convince me that you and father hate me and that you will never speak to me again just because I chose ‘the right side’. I don’t believe what she says. I’m pretty sure you don’t hate me, else you wouldn’t write me and I’m sure dad would never hate me either. Please confirm this for me? Also, are they really going to divorce? I hope not._ **

**_-Regulus_ **

Sirius read the letter over and over and he had no idea what to write back.


	43. Fourth year: Things change for the better

**_Dear Remus,_ **

**_The last days have been hectic. Me and Regulus have been taken with mom and dad to court. They are divorcing but mom claims she wants as much custody over me and Regulus as dad does. Since me and Regulus are both old enough to speak for ourselves, we get the chance to say something as well and they will take into account what we say. I honestly hope that dad gets us._ **

**_My mother wasn’t surprised when dad asked for a divorce but she assumed the reason was because of their latest disagreements, she didn’t expect dad to come out and say that it wasn’t the only reason. My dad has decided to go back to his old lover. Felix Donovan. Could you look into him as much as possible when we’re at school? Maybe in student records?_ **

**_It’s not that I don’t trust him but he might become my stepdad at some point so I’d like to know more without bothering him with millions of questions. Also could you not write the others about this? I will tell them myself when we’re back at Hogwarts. I just wanted to write you about this because ~~I trust you the most with this kinds of things~~ I don’t know, it just feels right I suppose._ **

**_-Sirius_ **

Remus had never read such a long letter from Sirius and he was a little worried to say the least. ‘Please be alright.’ Remus thought to himself. He read over the name that Sirius wrote down for a second time and decided to ask his dad. He left his room and he saw his dad in the couch, reading the daily prophet.

“Dad?” Remus asked and he sat down next to him.

“Yes?” Lyall asked.

“Do you know a Felix Donovan?” Remus asked.

“Hmm…I think I remember someone with that name. Why?” Lyall asked.

“Oh, nothing. Just if you knew something about him, I’d like to know?” Remus looked at his dad.

“Sometimes you ask weird things, son.” Lyall said before he thought a little.

“I think he was a Quidditch captain, of the Hufflpuff team at the time I went to Hogwarts. Very popular with the girls but he never paid attention to any of them.” Lyall told and then thought more. “That’s pretty much it I think. I also think he was a great duellist, but I’m not sure. It’s been some time ago.” Lyall said.

Remus nodded. It wasn’t much information but it was better than nothing, he thought. “Thank you dad.” Remus said and he stood up to go back to his room.

Soon the Christmas break was over again and when Remus met his friends on the train, they sat in a compartment together and Sirius told about his break.

“Your dad is in love with a muggleborn wizard?” James gasped.

“Yeah, that’s not all. We had to go to court because my parents decided to divorce but I was scared of the outcome. Though, it seemed as if the world didn’t hate me for once. My mother lost. She’s allowed to see us if she wants to and she’s allowed to have us over for breaks but my dad has pretty much full custody.” Sirius said.

“It went so quick though.” Remus commented.

“Probably because divorce is very uncommon in the wizarding community.” James said.

“What did the rest of the family say though?” Severus asked.

“Well, they discussed disowning us. My dad, me and Regulus. My dad for the divorce, him suddenly having muggleborn sentiments and because his new partner is a muggleborn and me and Regulus for ‘betrayal’. But although the rest of the family wasn’t pleased one bit with the divorce, they didn’t agree on disowning any of us so for now, we keep our name. Though my mother refuses to see us any longer. She feels betrayed by my dad and Regulus.” Sirius told.

“Your family is a mess mate…” James said.

“Yeah…and that’s not all.” Sirius continued.

“What, there’s more?” Peter asked.

“My mother doesn’t know this but some other family members do. My dad’s new partner, Mr. Donovan, is pregnant. I’m going to have a little sibling…” Sirius said. He first didn’t know what to think about it but he honestly ended up being happy for his dad.

“Awhh, really?” James asked.

“Yeah, a little sister.” Sirius said.

“Mail us the pictures when she’s born, okay?” Lily said.

“Why are you guys so excited about this?” Sirius asked.

“Because this is really good news, Sirius.” Peter said.

Sirius smiled a little. ‘I suppose they’re right.’ Sirius thought. It was the best news that had come out of whole this chaos.

“Besides, I asked my dad about Mr. Donovan already, Sirius. He didn’t seem to know much more aside of Mr. Donovan apparently used to be the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain and he used to be very popular with the girls but he didn’t care about it?” Remus said.

“Probably because he was in Sirius’ dad’s pants.” Peter joked.

“Eww, Pete! Don’t make that joke!” Sirius pulled a face.

“Yeah, Peter. No one wants to hear such things about their parents.” James said.

“Well hopefully you don’t ever have to see those things.” Severus added.

“Yeah no. But I’ve seen them kiss before.” Sirius frowned a little at the memory. “It’s like my father turns into a different person when he’s with Mr. Donovan.” Sirius said.

“Do you call him Mr. Donovan when you talk to him as well? Or do you call him sir?” Remus asked.

“I did call him Mr. Donovan at first but then he told me to address him by his first name. So I call him Felix when I talk to him.” Sirius said.

Once they were back at Hogwarts and the boys were in their dorm room, they talked a lot and ate some snacks.

“What do you think she will be named though?” James then asked to Sirius.

“You mean her last name right?” Sirius asked and as James nodded, Sirius thought about it. “Maybe she’ll have both of their names? I’m not sure.” Sirius said and as he counted, he smiled. “She’ll be born in July or August right?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah. But Sirius, I didn’t expect you to be so happy over this.” Remus said.

“You should have seen Regulus, he was excited. But I’m kind of happy. I started to wonder what it would be like to have a little sister and previously I wouldn’t have wanted another sibling because I didn’t want another child to be brainwashed by my mom and dad but my dad changed and it’s not my mother’s child so I feel like this child is going to grow up just fine.” Sirius said.

“About Regulus, how is he and are you getting along again?” Remus asked.

“We’re still somewhat working on it but it’s going better than before the holidays.” Sirius said. “Anyway, enough about me already. What was your holiday like?” He looked at James and Severus first who were trying to hide that they were holding hands.

“If you still think that me and the others haven’t noticed yet that you’re dating, then you’re not as smart as I thought.” Sirius said.

“When did you figure out?” James asked with a sigh.

“In October.” Sirius said and Remus nodded.

“It took me until December.” Peter added.

“You were way too obvious, James. With your eyes on my ass all the time.” Severus said.

“You being red around him most of the time didn’t really help hiding it either, Severus.” Remus said.

“So you’re both really bad at hiding things from us.” Peter chuckled.

“At least we don’t have to hide it anymore then.” James grinned and he pulled Severus in a kiss.

“No, I don’t want to see that!” Peter complained.


	44. Fourth year: 15th birthday

Severus was humming to himself as he walked through the hall that day. He was really happy today. It was his birthday and in the past he wouldn’t have been looking forward to that day but even since the marauders became his friends, every birthday has been better than the previous one.

“I’ve never heard you hum before, Sev.” Lily was walking next today.

“Well, I’ve never been this excited for my birthday before.” Severus smiled brightly at her and as she smiled back, she held Severus back for a little. “Here.” Lily said and she gave him a present.

“What is it?” Severus asked.

“Open it up and you’ll know.” Lily said back and as Severus carefully ripped the paper off, he was met with his favourite muggle book.

“Thank you, Lily.” Severus lit up even more and he hugged Lily tightly. She hugged her friend back before she joked: “Don’t hug me too much though, you don’t want your boyfriend to become jealous.”

Severus rolled his eyes and let her go. “He’s nowhere to be seen, Lily. Unless he’s secretly following me around.”

“That’s called stalking, I think.” Lily said and Severus snickered. “Don’t tell that to James. He’d say: “I’m not stalking you! I’m merely making sure no one is attacking you.” Like that’s ever going to happen again.” Severus rolled his eyes again.

As they met up with the others at the lake, Severus was surprised by the picnic blanket laid out and all the food and gifts that were present. “You’ve done all of this just for me?” Severus asked and his friends looked up.

“Yes, it was James’ idea though.” Sirius said.

“But I got a lot of help from you guys.” James admitted and he gasped when Severus attacked him with a hug, followed by a kiss.

“I’m beginning to think that James just does these things because he wants to get laid.” Sirius joked.

“That’s not true!” James got red.

“Really?” Severus asked in fake disappointment. “You really don’t want to get laid?” He asked softly.

“Uh…uhm…” James got redder.

“I’m just joking, James.” Severus chuckled and he kissed James’ nose before he sat up again and grabbed one of the presents.

“That one is from me.” Peter said. “I know the packaging doesn’t really hide what it is but I couldn’t think of any better way to package it.” Peter said as Severus opened the see through packaging and took one of the cookies out. “No, it’s perfect Peter, thank you for the cookies. Did you bake these yourself?” Severus asked.

“Yes. I hope you like them.” Peter said and he looked at how Severus took a bite of the cookie he was holding. “Hmm, it’s really good.” Severus smiled brightly and he closed the package again before putting it in one of his robe pockets. Then he went to the next presents and as he got books from both Sirius and Remus, he thanked them and then he opened James’ gift. He was looking forward the most to his gift. He was not sure what to expect but was a bit confused when he got an empty book. “Is this supposed to become a dairy?” Severus asked.

“No, I got Lily one of these too. You send so much letters to Lily during our breaks and I wondered if there was a faster way of communicating so that’s were these books come in. You write in this book and it appears in Lily’s and she can do it too. That way don’t have to wait for the letters and use so much parchment all the time.” James explained.

“Oh that’s a very thoughtful gift, James.” Severus said and he smiled before he kissed James’ cheek. “Thank you.” Severus added.

Later that night, James and Severus were walking by the lake while holding hands. Their friends were already in their dorm rooms but the two lovebirds wanted some time for themselves.

“Have you ever thought about it, Severus?” James asked.

“About what?” Severus asked.

“Sex…” James whispered and even it was quite dark outside, James could tell that Severus was getting red right now.

“No. H-have you?” Severus asked.

“Well not sex exactly but I’ve thought about somewhat sexual things…like you touching my…” James tried to tell but Severus held him back.

“You don’t need to tell me, James.” Severus whispered.

“But I’m fine with telling you though.” James sighed.

“Why are you not shy about this? I mean how can you say such things so easily? I don’t get it.” Severus muttered.

“I’m still a little shy about this but if I’m only telling you, I’m not embarrassed to.” James said.

“Then tell me, what do you think then?” Severus asked as they stopped walking. He looked up to James and he leaned a little against the taller boy to feel his body heath. Severus was feeling a little cold but wouldn’t admit it.

James wrapped his arms around Severus, knowing he was cold. “I think about you touching my dick with your soft hands.” James told.

“Your dick…” Severus repeated softly. “It’s… a bit big, I don’t think I can hold that in my small hands.” Severus muttered.

“How do you know that?” James asked.

“How do I know what?” Severus asked a little confused.

“How big my dick is?” James asked. To his knowledge he hadn’t been fully naked in front of Severus yet, unless Severus sneakily took a look at his dick while he wasn’t aware.

“I might have used the invisibility cloak to look at you getting undressed when you were about to take a bath.” Severus softly admitted.

“What?” James gasped.

“I’m sorry!” Severus apologised and he tried to pull himself loose.

“No, no…it’s okay I guess but Severus, you don’t have to do that so sneakily. It’s fine if you look at me…getting undressed.” James got red now.

“That’s just weird, I should join you instead then.” Severus said.

“You want to take a bath together?” James asked softly.

“Y-yeah…” Severus nodded.

James was surprised but he accepted the offer before Severus could possibly change his mind. “Then, let’s sneak into the prefects bathroom?” James suggested and he got the cloak out.

“Why the prefects bathroom?” Severus asked as James covered them with the cloak.

“Because I’ve heard it’s better than the regular bathrooms.” James said and he took Severus with him.

“Then I assume you know where it is?” Severus asked as he didn’t know where the prefects bathroom was.

“Of course I do. Besides do you think we could finish that map thing before the end of the year?” James asked.

“Well I think so. Remus is helping too so…” Severus trailed off and leaned against James more.

“Why are you so cold?” James asked. “Because I’m in need of your warmth, James Potter.” Severus grinned.

“Good thing we’re alone.” James said as he imagined that the other marauders wouldn’t like hearing this, especially not Sirius.

“About that…what’s going on with Sirius?” Severus asked.

“He’s fine?” James asked in confusion.

“Is he really? He’s been watching Remus like a hawk. Do you think when he told us that he has a crush on a guy, he meant Remus?” Severus asked.

“That’s impossible. They’re friends.” James said before he realised how stupid that sounded. “I mean, I can’t imagine those two…” James added.

“Hmm are you sure? Sirius is always the one who brings Remus food when he’s in the hospital wing or when he’s studying so hard he forgets to eat. He’s always the one who carries Remus’ books, not that he needs to do it but he always wants to. He cries himself to sleep at night every full moon even though we’re very close to transforming into our animagi forms.” Severus told.

“He doesn’t stare at Remus’ ass, he’s not like you, James but when Remus smiles or laughs, which he doesn’t do often, Sirius lights up, he blushes. He’s head over heels with Remus and he knows it but I think he’s too scared to confess to Remus.” Severus said.

“But why would he be scared?” James asked.

“Because who says that Remus feels the same? Even if he does, he might still reject Sirius to protect him.” Severus told.

“What should we do?” James asked.

“I don’t think we should do anything. Not that I don’t want them to be happy but this isn’t our business, James.” Severus said.

“But…” James looked at Severus.

“I know you want to help your friends, they’re my friends too and I want them to be happy too but we don’t want to try to help and then just make things worse.” Severus said and James nodded.

As they arrived in the prefects bathroom, James took the cloak off and as Severus already started to get undressed, James couldn’t help but just look at him doing so instead of getting undressed as well.

“James…are you staring at me?” Severus felt James’ eyes on him and looked back at him.

“I couldn’t help it!” James admitted but he quickly started getting undressed too. Severus tried to look away but he couldn’t help but glance back at James a few times.

When they were both naked though, Severus just could help it and he walked over to James and pulled him into a kiss. A surprised but happy James kissed him back and although they didn’t do anything sexual that night, they surely made out a lot.


	45. Fourth year: The box

The four friends finally managed to turn into their animagi forms by early February, just a few days before the next full moon. When they turned back, Peter felt like running away. He hadn’t told his friends about his form ever since he found out what his inner animal was but now his friends had seen it and Peter was ashamed. Two of his friends were bigger animals and Severus could fly in his animagi form. The boy was ashamed of his rat form and felt useless but Severus didn’t let him run off. “Peter, where are you going?” He asked.

“I just don’t want to be here right now. My form is embarrassing.” Peter said.

“It’s not embarrassing. There’s nothing wrong with being a rat. You may be small but that has its advantages too. Don’t you dare to think that you’re useless, Pete.” Severus said.

“Yeah think about how good it is for sneaking around.” James said and Sirius silently nodded.

“Besides, I can carry you from time to time if it’s needed.” Severus suggested and for now Peter just agreed.

“Anyway, we’ll be joining Remus for the next full moon in our new forms and we have to make sure no one finds this out.” James said.

“Indeed, for now let’s go back to our dorm. It’s almost curfew. We don’t want to get into trouble a few days before the full moon right?” Severus asked and the boys went on their way to their dorm where Remus was already sleeping but without their notice, Sirius had left them on their way there.

Severus noticed as they arrived in their dorm that the wavy haired boy was missing. “Where’s Sirius?” He asked, not wanting to wake up Remus.

“I’m not sure, he was with us a moment ago.” Peter said.

“He’ll be fine. Maybe he just wanted a little bit of fresh air.” James said.

As the boys got undressed and went to bed, Sirius was outside the castle and he was walking towards the forbidden forest. ‘I can’t tell him…I can’t tell him…’ he kept thinking before he suddenly tripped over what seemed to be his own feet at first but when he sat up, he saw he fell over a little bump on the ground.

Sirius looked at the bump in the question and frowned before taking his wand out. He used a digging spell and what he found under some grass and dirt, surprised him. It was grey box that looked slightly dusty. ‘ ** _O.B: strictly confidential_** ’ was written on it. “O.B?” Sirius asked and it didn’t ring any bells at first but when he opened the box he realised this was his father’s as the thing he first saw was a picture of his younger father in his Slytherin robes closely holding onto a younger Felix Donovan who was in his Hufflepuff robes.

Sirius took his eyes off the picture and saw a black leather bound book, a ring and a small snake stuffed toy.

“Maybe I should take this back home for Easter break.” Sirius said to himself and for a moment he wanted to just close the box again but he then sighed and took the book out. “What could this be?” Sirius asked and he opened up the book and he was immediately met with the familiar handwriting of his father.

**_Dear diary,_ **

**_I decided to keep an diary from today on to note down the confusing things I’ve been feeling lately. I never thought I would be a friend with a mudblood but now I’m beginning to think it’s more than just that. I’m not entirely sure but I don’t think it’s normal to sneak after Donovan when he’s going to take a bath. He didn’t notice me though. He got undressed and got into the bath without seeing that someone was spying on him. I’m not sure why I was watching him in the first place but I think I can kind of get why he’s so popular with the girls._ **

“Dad, really?” Sirius sighed and he closed the book as he didn’t want to read anymore. He put the book back in the box before he got up and carried the box with him back to the dorms. As he arrived in the dorm room he saw James was up and he was looking straight at him with his arms crossed.

“What?” Sirius asked.

“Where did you go?” James asked.

“I was outside…don’t be so worried about me, James.” Sirius frowned a bit and he put the box down on his bed.

“What’s that?” James looked over as he saw the box.

“It’s something I found outside. It’s something from my dad when he was still at Hogwarts so I’m going to give it back.” Sirius said.

James got out of bed and walked over to Sirius’ bed to see the box more up close. “What’s in it though?” James asked.

“A diary, a picture of him and Mr. Donovan, a stuffed toy and a ring.” Sirius said.

“A ring? An engagement ring or something?” James asked.

“I don’t think so, marriage between male wizards wasn’t allowed back then.” Sirius argued but he opened the box anyway and he took the silver ring out. He took his wand and casted ‘Lumos and he held it close to the ring to see if it had any inscription.

**_Orion Black & Felix Donovan – 20-05-1947_ **

“Huh, it might be engagement ring after all or maybe a sort of promise ring?” Sirius guessed.

“But why would your dad have buried that on school grounds?” James asked.

“Maybe because he knew that their relationship wasn’t going to last and he didn’t want to be reminded of it but still didn’t want to get rid of the stuff, so he buried it.” Sirius said.

As Sirius put back the ring again, he noticed James grabbing the diary. “James, don’t read that.” He whispered.

“Why?” James asked.

“It’s my dad’s diary. I’m sure it’s full of things we aren’t supposed to know and most of those things we don’t want to know honestly.” Sirius said.

James put the diary back when he heard that. “You’re right, I don’t want to read anything from your dad’s diary. I think it maybe has dirty things in it and I just—” James said but Sirius shut him up.

“Mate, don’t even talk about that.” Sirius hissed and he closed the box again.

“Hey, by the way…you mentioned you had a crush on someone. Is it Remus?” James asked.

Sirius looked up to James with a sad look on his face. “Yes.” Sirius admitted softly.

“That’s great right? Why do you look so sad? Remus is an amazing guy so…” James trailed off.

“He’ll never accept my confession even if he likes me back. Because he wants to protect me.” Sirius said and he looked away.

“Then talk to him about it.” James said but Sirius didn’t reply so James decided to not push the subject anymore. “I’m going to bed again.” James said before he went to bed and as Sirius dimmed his wand again, he put the box aside and got changed to go to bed. When he laid down in bed he couldn’t fall asleep so he got the diary back out of the box.

“I might as well read a little in order to fall asleep.” Sirius said to himself and he opened the diary on the second page.


	46. Fourth year: Fighting for love

“I can’t believe he’s doing that.” James said.

“Well maybe we were wrong about him having a crush on Remus.” Peter said but James and Severus looked at him with a frown on their face. “Okay maybe not, but why else would be doing this?” Peter then asked and he looked back to Sirius who was kissing a Gryffindor girl that the other guys had never seen before.

“He’s trying to forget about Remus.” Severus muttered and then he and James and Peter left. They went to look for Remus as they were a little worried. Tonight would be the full moon and even though Remus would have his friends with him tonight, he was still very anxious.

“Where’s Sirius?” Remus asked when only three of his friends came to him.

“Uhm we came across him but…” Peter tried to come up with an excuse as to why Sirius wasn’t here but he couldn’t think of anything.

“He was kissing a girl again right?” Remus asked.

“Again?” James asked with a frown.

“I’ve seen him yesterday, he was doing it again, right?” Remus asked.

James nodded and Remus sighed. “I’m sure it’s not even the same girl, what a heartbreaker.” Remus groaned and he looked away. He couldn’t believe Sirius was acting like this after Remus was pretty sure that Sirius felt something for him, the signs had been clear but now Sirius was backing away and trying to pretend that everything that happened between them didn’t happen.

“Remus, I’m sorry…” Severus muttered.

“Don’t. Don’t apologise for his actions, Severus. He doesn’t have to apologise either. I’m just disappointed you know? You think you know someone and then they do something like this.” Remus said.

Severus and James looked at each other and Peter looked worriedly at Remus. For a few seconds, a silence fell but then Sirius arrived and he asked why they were being so quiet and gloomy.

“No real reason.” Remus said coldly.

“Really?” Sirius frowned as he didn’t really believe him.

“No, we were just talking about you, you see we thought we knew our friend Sirius Black but it seems he’s been replaced by some imposter that goes around kissing all fourth year Gryffindor girls that are willing to throw themselves at him. Only to then leave them wanting more and not giving it to them.” James ranted.

“What’s your problem mate?” Sirius asked.

“My problem? MY PROBLEM?! You’re our problem! Get your act together and stop messing around! Or shall I tell the truth to Regulus who came up to me earlier today to ask if you were doing alright?” James yelled back.

“I can’t kiss who I want anymore?!” Sirius yelled back.

“Not if you’re going around breaking hearts, asshole!” James shouted back.

That angered Sirius even more but instead of saying something back, he stormed off as he felt like attacking James but he didn’t want to fight James today. He had to keep in mind that tonight was the full moon and if he fought James now, he’d probably get them both in trouble.

Later that night the friends got together in the shrieking shack. Remus was sitting on the floor as he watched his friends transform into their animagi forms. James turned into a stag, Sirius into a black dog, Severus turned into a raven and flew towards James to sit on him and Peter transformed into the rat.

“You guys are amazing, you know that right?” Remus asked them and he knew they couldn’t reply back now but they could still understand what he said. Remus then sighed and looked down. He could feel the moon was rising and he tried to resist to look outside but he couldn’t stop himself.

He glanced outside and the next thing that his friends got to see was his painful and horrifying transformation into a werewolf. Every time he transformed he lost control over his own body. He turned into an aggressive, violent monster and there wasn’t much that could hold him back. But the other four marauders could. They did their best to calm him down as much as possible.

They suggested to go into the forbidden forest, to just run around for a while and spend the night not thinking about the full moon as much as possible. Remus agreed to that and as Severus got from James and grabbed Peter, he left off first. James, Sirius and Remus then followed them out of the shrieking shack and on their way to the forbidden forest.

The whole night the boys spend running around in the forbidden forest. As the morning came, Remus had transformed back. Severus and Sirius transformed back to get Remus onto James’ back for a little. Peter then also transformed back and once they left the forbidden forest, they helped Remus off James’ back again so James could transform back.

“Let’s bring him to the infirmary.” James held up Remus but then Sirius offered he would carry him there.

“Are you sure?” James asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got to talk to him anyway.” Sirius said and he took Remus over from James and then lifted him up to carry him in his arms. He walked off in the direction of the castle while Peter was talking about last night to Severus.

“It wasn’t that bad right?” Peter asked.

“Well, he hasn’t tried hurting himself last night which is a positive but there’s still damage from the transformation itself.” Severus said softly.

As Sirius brought Remus to the infirmary, he explained to Madame Pomfrey why he had Remus with him before he put him down in an empty bed.

“Thank you for bringing all the way here, Mr. Black but I want you to leave the hospital wing so I can take care of him.” Madame Pomfrey said.

“But I have to talk to him.” Sirius said.

“Mr. Black, you can talk to him later. Please leave the hospital wing right now.” Madame Pomfrey replied.

“It’s important.” Sirius argued.

“And his care is important too. Come back after breakfast, Mr. Black.” Madame Pomfrey looked at him and Sirius bit his lip before turning around and walking off quickly.

Remus woke up just after he left and he saw he was in the hospital wing already and that Madame Pomfrey was already taking care of him.

“You have good friends, Mr. Lupin but they’re very stubborn as well. Especially Mr. Black.” Madame Pomfrey said.

“I know…” Remus managed to say and when breakfast was over, Sirius stormed back into the hospital wing. As Madame Pomfrey was busy with some other things now, Sirius got the chance to talk to Remus.

“How are the others?” Remus asked.

“They’re fine but how are you?” Sirius asked.

“I’m doing better than usually. I’m still a little in pain but this is the least painful full moon I’ve experienced up until now, thanks to you guys.” Remus whispered.

Sirius made sure to tell that to the others later but now he needed to talk to Remus about something else. Something that was very important too but he was scared to talk about it.

“Sirius, what’s going on with you lately?” Remus asked softly and his left hand tried to grab one of Sirius’ hands. Sirius looked back at him and put his hand on Remus’.

“I’m scared.” Sirius said.

“Scared of what?” Remus asked. “Of me?” He guessed.

“No. I’m not scared of you. I was hurt to see you like that last night but you didn’t scare me. It’s something that I’ve been feeling for some time that scares me.” Sirius said.

“What have you been feeling?” Remus asked even though he already knew the answer.

“I…I fell in love and of all people it had to be you. I think you’re brilliant. I think you’re funny, kind and I would do anything to protect you but I’m scared because I know this won’t work. I want it to work but you will reject me, right? I just know.” Sirius whispered.

“I’m sorry, Sirius…I knew this for a while now. You’re too obvious in your ways and I’m sorry to say, even though I feel the same way about you. I can’t be with you. We—” Remus tried to explain but Sirius turned around and ran off before he could finish.

Sirius ran as fast as he could and he happened to run into his younger brother. He tried to just apologise quickly and then leave off again but Regulus held him back. “Talk to me if you’re not going to talk to your friends about it.” Regulus said and Sirius looked back with a frown on his face.

They had been reconnecting ever since the Christmas break ended but Sirius didn’t quite fully trust him yet. “Why would you care?” Sirius asked.

“I know I wouldn’t really tell you to talk to me before but Sirius, your friends aren’t the only one’s who can tell you have a crush on Lupin. I’m still your brother and I can tell too. So when I’ve seen you mess around like that, I was this close to telling dad that you weren’t serious about your crush on Lupin after all but guess what! I know you’re doing this to cope with a possible rejection. You’re trying to forget about your feelings but if you don’t talk to him, I will.” Regulus said.

“You don’t get it so stay out of it!” Sirius yelled at him and he pulled himself loose again.

“Maybe I don’t but whatever holds you back from taking this serious, whatever holds you back from fighting for him, it’s not worth it! Don’t let anything hold you back. I’m not sure why he’s rejecting you if that’s what he’s doing but it’s not because he doesn’t like you. I can tell he does and I’m just an outsider. So…just fight, okay?!” Regulus yelled back and then he stormed off.


	47. Fourth year: Sirius' and Regulus' easter

For their Easter break, Sirius and Regulus both went to the place their dad was living now with Mr. Donovan. As they arrived at the place, their dad was sitting in the couch, reading a book but when he heard his sons come in, he looked up and put his book away. “If you put your stuff away quickly, we’ll go outside in a bit. We’re going to the city for some shopping.” Orion said.

Sirius and Regulus looked at each other in surprise but then they nodded. Regulus went ahead and as he came upstairs he came across Mr. Donovan.

“Oh, hi Regulus. Your room is at the end of the hall.” Felix said with a smile. Regulus thanked him and then went over to the room.

Sirius didn’t went upstairs just yet and told his dad that he had found something on Hogwarts grounds that belonged to him.

“Something that belongs to me?” Orion asked and for a moment he had no idea what that could be but then Sirius gave him the box he had buried a long time ago.

“This…how did you find it, Sirius?” Orion asked.

“I actually stumbled upon it when I tripped over a bump so after a little digging, I came across this box. I didn’t take anything out but I’ve seen what’s in it.” Sirius told.

Orion opened the box and then as he was met with the items from his past he realised that there was a diary in it and that he knew he never had locked that diary with a spell. It wasn’t a smart move of his younger self but at the time he assumed that no one would find it anyway.

“D-did you read the diary, Sirius?” Orion asked softly.

“I’ve read most of it, yes…” Sirius admitted and he saw his father getting very red. “Go upstairs and unpack your stuff, Sirius!” Orion managed to say strictly and when his son went upstairs, he hid his face in his hands.

“All of these sinful things…all exposed to one of my sons of all people.” Orion whispered to himself.

“Is that the memory box that you buried?” Felix asked as he joined him in the couch. “Yes, Sirius found it and he read the diary.” Orion whispered, still very embarrassed.

Felix chuckled a little but Orion didn’t find it very funny so he hit his arm. “I’ve never read that but your oldest son managed to, I think it’s kind of funny.” Felix said.

“I don’t think it’s funny at all.” Orion muttered and he watched Felix take out the ring. “I remember getting this one for you…” Felix said and smiled a bit as he thought back to that time. “Are you going to keep all of this?” Felix then asked.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Orion asked.

“Well you buried it in the first place…” Felix said.

“That was because even if we didn’t fight back then, I would have been forced to end it so I could get married to Walburga. So I knew it wasn’t going to last at the time but I didn’t want to get rid of everything so I buried it instead.” Orion said.

“If you knew it wasn’t going to last back then, then why did you buy this place and asked me to move in with you?” Felix asked.

“Because I wanted to hold onto you as long as I could. I wasn’t ready to end things and honestly I never was ready to but we had those fights and then you left because of understandable reasons.” Orion said.

“Did you ever try looking for me?” Felix asked softly.

“That’s how I found out your address, so yes. I did try to look for you and I knew very well where you lived but I was afraid to contact you again so I didn’t end up doing it.” Orion said.

Felix thought for a while and as he put the ring back he grabbed the picture instead. “I’ve never seen pictures from you and your wife or your children, how come?” Felix asked.

“My family prefers portraits. So we do have a family portrait at the family home.” Orion said.

“I prefer pictures. You can easily take them with you.” Felix said and Orion agreed to that and as he leaned closer a little for a kiss, Regulus and Sirius came back downstairs.

“When are we leaving?” Regulus asked, ruining the romantic moment between his dad and Felix.

Orion took a deep breath to avoid telling Regulus to have better timing and Felix answered: ”We’re leaving now.”

“Let me put this away first.” Orion said and he got up from the couch after closing the box and he went upstairs to put the box in his bedroom.

As he came back he put his robes on and as everyone was ready, they went out. They decided to use floo powder to transport to the city and as they arrived, Orion asked if the boys had a specific place in mind that they wanted to visit.

Regulus and Sirius weren’t used to this kind of treatment at all so they didn’t knew what to reply. “Hmm, maybe we should go look at brooms? Sirius, didn’t you write me you wanted to try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team?” Orion asked and as Sirius nodded, Orion looked at Felix. “You might be able to help more with that.” Orion said.

Felix agreed to that and so Orion decided to go with Regulus to the book store first while Felix accompanied Sirius to look for brooms.

As they walked into the broom store, Sirius asked how everything was going while he glanced at Felix’ belly.

“You mean with me and your dad or the baby?” Felix asked.

“Both.” Sirius said.

“Well, me and your dad are doing fine. Your dad is still learning to not use words that are insulting towards muggles and muggleborns but he’s making a lot of progress.” Felix started. “And the baby is doing really good.” Felix added.

“Yeah, I knew my dad has the tendency to use those words but he’s been changing a lot.” Sirius said and as Felix agreed, Sirius smiled a little at him before he asked if he and his dad had decided on a name already.

“No we haven’t and we’re also wondering which last name to use. I suggested to give her both but we’re not entirely sure yet.” Felix said. “But if you have a suggestion for her first name, I’d like to hear it.” Felix added.

Sirius thought a little while they were looking at some of the racing brooms. “What about Scarlett?” Sirius suggested.

“Scarlett…hmm, I’ll ask what your dad thinks but thank you for the suggestion.” Felix said before one of the racing brooms caught his attention. “What do you think of that broom, Sirius?” Felix asked as he pointed to easily the most expensive and best racing broom that the store had for sale.

“That’s a wicked broom…” Sirius said and he walked towards it to have a closer look but as he saw the price tag, he frowned. His family certainly didn’t have financial issues but he wondered if his dad would let him have the most expensive broom just because there were more important things to spend money on than racing brooms.

“I’m not sure if my dad would allow me to…have this one.” Sirius whispered.

“Well, good thing I’m paying it then?” Felix said and he looked back at Sirius.

“Are you sure, I mean I’m not your son and…” Sirius said.

Felix put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder and assured him it was okay. “You may not be my son and I might not be your dad and even if I marry your dad one day, I don’t expect you to start treating me as your second dad but you are already kind of a son to me, Sirius and so even if Orion might be a little angry with me later, it’s worth it. You deserve the best racing broom there is.” Felix said.

“Thank you, Felix.” Sirius smiled, he was really touched by his actions and when the man bought the broom for him he couldn’t help but tell to him: “Please marry my dad, you’re amazing.”

“And you are so too, Sirius.” Felix chuckled with what he said. “Your little sister will have the two best big brothers she ever could have wished for.” Felix said with a bright smile.


	48. Fourth year: Naughty boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Somewhat sexual/explicit scenes at the start of this chapter. If you're not comfortable reading such things or if you're a minor. It miight be best to skip the majority of this chapter.

James gasped and squeezed in the sheets with his one hand while he had his other hand in his pants. “Ah…Severus..” He whispered. James just managed to grab his wand and cast a quick silencing charm before he let a moan escape from his lips. Severus was sleeping in his own bedroom and James had been thinking a little about the other guy and at one point he just couldn’t help but think a few naughty things and before he knew it, he got a boner.

James moaned again as he moved his hand and imagined Severus to be doing it for him. He called for the other’s name several times while he was rubbing himself and when he came he moaned loudly before he let go and grabbed his wand to cast a quick clean up spell before undoing the silencing charm. He panted and tried to calm down his thoughts for a little. After a while, James fell asleep.

The next day at breakfast James was opening some letters he received from his friends and he opened Sirius’ first and as he was met with a card that had a girl’s name on it along with the birth date and a picture of a new born baby, he gasped. “Severus, look. It’s Sirius’ and Regulus’ little sister.” James said and he showed Severus first before he also showed his parents.

**_Scarlett Irene Donovan Black – born on 30-07-1975_ **

“She was born at midnight, poor Mr. Donovan.” James said as he read the card. “Didn’t Sirius tell us that he suggested the name Scarlett?” Severus asked.

“I think so yes.” James nodded.

“We should send them some stuff for the little girl.” Euphemia suggested.

“Yeah we should.” Fleamont agreed with her.

James then took out the letter that came with the card that Sirius had send him.

**_James,_ **

**_Have you seen? Felix and dad gave her the name I suggested. Irene was suggested by Regulus. Dad and Felix decided to go for both of their names which kind of pissed off the rest of the family. I think only uncle Alphard send us something back which says a lot. You can’t tell from the picture on the card because she’s sleeping in the picture but she has Felix’ dark blue eyes. She has a few short hairs on her head and they’re black like dad’s. Regulus absolutely loves little Scarlett by the way._ **

**_Can’t blame her, she’s very adorable. She came at midnight though which caused us a lot of trouble but the birth itself didn’t take that long because dad decided to spare Felix the pain and have the baby be born the magical way._ **

**_Also Scarlett was included on the Black family tapestry but mom tried to burn her off, according to uncle Alphard but he made it so she can’t enter the room anymore. Mom has officially gone mad now. I hope the rest of the family does something about it. I think my dad knows whether the family is doing something about it but me and Regulus aren’t allowed to know because it’s ‘adult business’. That’s some bullshit if you ask me but anyway. How’s your summer going so far?_ **

**_You’re not thinking too much about Severus right? If so, please keep those hands out of your pants, mate._ **

**_-Sirius_ **

“What is he talking about in the last bit?” Severus asked, pretending to not know what it was about while he understood it very well. James looked at him and frowned. In the past he would have fallen for that ‘I’m innocent’ act but now he knew Severus well enough to know that it was indeed just an act.

“Really, Severus? Do you really think that I believe that you don’t know what this means?” James asked and luckily Fleamont and Euphemia were way too busy with discussing which present they were going to send to notice what their son and Severus were talking about.

“Okay, I do know what it says but you’re not doing that right?” Severus asked.

“No, of course not.” James brushed it off as he didn’t want to admit that right now. Severus frowned at him but he decided to not push the subject for now.

Severus then grabbed Remus’ letter as he wanted to know what he had written. Remus lately addressed his letters to both Severus and James knowing that the two mostly read the letters together.

**_James and Severus,_ **

**_Thanks for your concern in your previous letter but I’m doing fine. I don’t think Sirius is doing alright because he has been sending me strange letters. I can’t quite tell you in detail what he writes to me but let’s say that they’re naughty and I’d be beyond just embarrassment if my parents were anywhere near me when I was reading these letters._ **

**_I’m not sure why he’s sending me these letters. I’m aware of his feelings for me but after we talked in the hospital wing that one time, he seemed to have given up so I’m truly confused as to why he’s sending me these naughty letters. Please, could one of you talk to him?_ **

**_-Remus_ **

Severus and James looked at each other. “Naughty letters huh?” James whispered. “I can imagine it’s confusing to receive for Remus after seeing that Sirius seemed to have given up on him.” Severus said.

“But he hasn’t given up on him at all, you know that right?” James asked.

“I know but it’s a little hard to believe when he’s going around snogging different girls. The worst thing is that these girls don’t know he’s not serious about it. He doesn’t want anything more with them and he’s not making that clear. That’s why one of them put him in the hospital wing just before the exams. She found out he was snogging another girl and she was very upset over it.” Severus said.

“I honestly hope he’s not going to do that next year.” James said.

“This year we will all have to take studying seriously. We’ll be taking our O.W.L’s this year. You have to pass at least with an E if you want to take your N.E.W.T.-level’s in seventh year. And you have to at least score an A, if you want to pass your O.W.L at all.” Severus told.

“We might have to help Peter with Defence Against the Dark Arts though, else I have the feeling he’ll be held back for it.” James said.

“He’ll be fine if he studies well and practices enough.” Severus said.

“Practices?” James asked.

“Yeah, there’s practical exams as well.” Severus said.

“I’m so going to fail Divination…” James sighed.

“Well that should be the last of your worries. I don’t think it matters much so just try your best for that one but I would focus more on your core classes.” Severus said.

“Will you help me study too?” James asked.

“Absolutely not, James.” Severus shook his head.

“Why not?” James frowned.

“Because no studying would be done then. I’m helping out Peter. If you really need help, ask Remus or Lily.” Severus and James grinned a little a bit.

“Well I guess that’s true…” James sighed and he leaned back on his bed. “Severus, have you ever thought about naughty things?” James asked out of the blue.

“Uhm…I’m not telling you that.” Severus looked away.

“Why not?” James asked. “I’d tell you too.” James added.

“Then you tell me first.” Severus said, his cheeks turning a little pink.

James sighed at that but he agreed to tell about his thoughts first. “I haven’t been thinking about it before yesterday but last night I touched myself and thought about you doing it for me.” James got red now.

Severus got more red now too and first he tried to avoid telling what he had been thinking about but James reminded him it was his turn.

“This is embarrassing now though because you said you only had this one fantasy but…” Severus looked away. “I’ve been thinking about some things for a while now and most of them aren’t too sexual but some of them are and I just…” Severus bit his lip.

“Hey, you really don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s fine.” James said as he didn’t want Severus to get uncomfortable.

“It’s fine, James. It’s just…I don’t want you to be weirded out I suppose?” Severus said and kept quiet for a bit before he said: “I had been thinking about you touching me but sometimes I imagine you to be naked.”

“Me naked huh? What’s so appealing about that?” James joked softly.

“Are you kidding me? You look really good. I mean it’s not like I’ve ever seen you naked before so I don’t know for sure but I thought you’d look good.” Severus said.

“You have seen me naked before, Severus.” James corrected him. “Don’t you remember when we went to the prefects bathroom together?” He reminded him.

“Oh uhm yeah…” Severus got quiet as he thought back to it and as he was deep in his thoughts, he didn’t even heard what James said.

“Hello? Severus? You might want to take care of that…” James said as he pointed down to Severus’ pants.

Severus gasped and quickly grabbed a pillow in an attempt to cover up his embarrassing erection.

“You’re more naughty than me.” James chuckled and Severus tried to argue but he couldn’t.


	49. Fifth year: Orion Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and chapter 50 will be about Orion and Felix. This chapter is pretty tame but I planned next chapter to be more explicit so for those who are minors or uncomfortable with reading explicit content better skip chapter 50

“You’re so annoying, Donovan. Get out of my face!” Orion yelled. Him and Felix used to be friends in second and third year and after not socializing for a year, Orion had grown to have mixed feelings about Felix. He hated him just like he hated any other mudblood but on the other hand he wanted to talk to Felix as he was the only person who would listen to him. He was the only one who showed interest in Orion’s fascination with the star signs and he was the only one who understood Orion’s issues but yet the Slytherin had a hard time to get along with the Hufflepuff.

“Is that so? Then why did you spy on me last time in the shower, Black?” Felix asked as he got a little closer to Orion. Felix had it all sorted out already. He knew he had a massive crush on the smaller pureblood who thought that his kind was the best. Felix was somewhat conflicted as he knew as well that it might never work between him and Orion but he desperately wanted to try as he kind of guessed that Orion was into him too.

Orion pushed Felix back and sneered: “That must have been in your dreams, Donovan.”

“Really? My dreams and not yours?” Felix smirked.

“You’re absolutely disgusting.” Orion said back and before Felix could say anything back, Orion stormed off.

Later at dinner, Orion sat at the end of the Slytherin table with Eileen Prince who was looking down at her plate as she was quietly eating. As Orion could hear some girls were getting excited over something or someone behind him, he looked back and as he saw it was because Felix freaking Donovan walked by. The Hufflepuff boy had however no attention for any of the girls and gave a quick glance and smirk at Orion what made the latter look back again with a groan.

“Seriously what’s with that stupid Donovan?” Orion asked.

“Donovan?” Eileen asked absently.

“Prince, don’t tell me you don’t know who Felix Donovan is.” Orion said.

“Oh, that Hufflepuff Quidditch chaser. Well, I’m not very interested in Quidditch, Black.” Eileen admitted.

“Every girl knows him, Prince. Every girl fawns over him like he’s some hot wizard model.” Orion rolled his eyes.

“Not every girl, Black and honestly I didn’t think I’ve ever heard anyone call him that but you which says a lot about you Black.” Eileen glanced up from her food.

“I don’t find him attractive, Prince. Get your mind of the gutter.” Orion sneered.

“I didn’t say that, Black. But something tells me you do find him attractive. I’d have to disagree but everyone their cup of tea right?” Eileen asked and Orion groaned.

“Because if it weren’t true, you wouldn’t get so angry over it. You wouldn’t get so defensive over it but you are so—” Eileen said but Orion got up and stormed off.

“I don’t get why he’s trying to deny it.” Eileen said to herself as she saw him walk off.

“Stupid Prince! No wonder nobody really likes her.” Orion muttered to himself as he was stomping away.

When he was alone in the hall, he decided to go out for a little. As he stood outside he glanced up at the sky which was getting darker as the sun was setting. Orion shivered as he got reminded it was January and that it was still very cold outside.

‘I wish he would wrap his strong arms around me and keep me warm. I wish he would pull me close and allow me to bury my face into his chest.’ Orion thought and immediately after he covered his face.

“Why am I thinking of such things? Why do I want that m…” Orion couldn’t get it over his lips. He couldn’t call Felix Donovan ‘mudblood’ out loud. He had thought it countless times but whenever he tried to say it, he couldn’t even whisper it. He didn’t seem have a problem with calling other muggleborns that but Felix Donovan was different.

“Stop messing with my head, you idiot!” Orion yelled and in frustration he grabbed onto his hair.

“If you’re going to pull, you’ll become bald one day, Orion.” The Slytherin heard behind him. It was Donovan, he just knew so even though he let go of his hair, he didn’t turn around.

“What happened to our friendship, Orion?” Felix asked.

Orion didn’t reply to that and just looked down to the grass. Felix was silent for a while too before he asked the question he had been wanting to ask for some time now.

“You fell in love with me right?” Felix asked softly, just loud enough for Orion to hear.

Orion wanted to protest but he wasn’t able to. It was if he had gone mute. Orion looked over his shoulder and saw Felix looking back at him with for once a serious expression on his face. Orion took a deep breath and then turned himself fully to Felix before he walked over to him and grabbed the guy’s tie.

“Orion, if you’re going to fight me, at least—” Felix said but he got shut up by Orion pressing his lips against his.

The Slytherin kissed the Hufflepuff passionately for a few seconds but when he let go, the Hufflepuff kissed him again.

‘I love him so much…’ Orion thought himself as he moved his hands from Felix’ tie to his hair and as they continued to kiss, Orion played with Felix’ hair.

As Orion eventually pulled back, Felix looked him deep into his eyes. “This is….” Orion muttered but he couldn’t find the right words.

“It’s love, Orion.” Felix answered. “How does it feel?” Felix then asked him.

“Weird…” Orion said at first.

“Honestly now?” Felix frowned.

“It’s….just give me more okay?” Orion demanded softly.

“Alright…” Felix and he kissed Orion’s lips softly. “Do you want to have sex?” Felix asked softly.

“Men can’t have sex with each other.” Orion said, frowning.

“I’d like to prove you otherwise.” Felix said with a smirk. Orion who was determined to prove him wrong though, nodded. “Then try to prove me.” Orion said.

Felix chuckled and grabbed Orion’s hands. “Let me take you somewhere more private then.” Felix winked at him and with his trademark bright smile on his face he snuck Orion into the Hufflepuff dorms and brought him up to his room. All his roommates were still at dinner so no one would see them.

As Felix took his robes off first and then took off his tie and uniform, Orion just silently watched him. He had seen Felix getting undressed before so the naked Hufflepuff guy wasn’t a new sight for Orion Black.

“Aren’t you getting undressed?” Felix asked as he was only wearing his underwear now but Orion on the other hand was still fully dressed.

“Uhm…” Orion trembled and took his robes off but before he could continue, Felix held him back as he noticed Orion was trembling.

“Orion, you don’t have to do this if you’re uncomfortable.” Felix said softly.

“What do you mean? I’m merely trying to proof that you’re wrong. Men can’t have sex with each other.” Orion said.

“By undressing yourself in front of me?” Felix asked.

“Yes, that’s where it stops right? I mean, kissing isn’t sex even if you do it naked.” Orion muttered.

“Orion…” Felix sighed and made Orion look at him.

“I didn’t want to just tell you but your lack of knowledge just leaves me no choice. Sex between two men is similar to sex between a man and a woman. There’s penetration involved too amongst other things of course.” Felix said.

“Excuse me? Where does your dick go then?” Orion asked.

“In your ass.” Felix whispered.

Orion gasped at that and for a moment he didn’t knew what to feel now he had that information.

“As I said, we don’t need to do this.” Felix muttered as he didn’t want to force Orion into something unknown that he might end up hating after. He didn’t want Orion to feel regretful afterwards. Deep down he hoped that Orion would be into trying this even if it was just for one time.

Felix was disappointed though when Orion put back on his robes though and walked off without a word and without looking back.

The Hufflepuff sat down on his bed and didn’t bother to put back on his clothes. “I should have expected that response from him. Why did I even hope he’d do such things with me.” Felix whispered to himself and he then laughed with himself like he often used to laugh when people mocked him for being very odd.

As Orion was on his way to the Slytherin dorms he came across Alphard, one of his cousins.

“Orion? Aren’t you even going to say hi?” Alphard said as he held Orion back.

“I’m sorry, I just got so annoyed by…” Orion said and Alphard finished his sentence: “Donovan.”

“How do you know?” Orion asked, somewhat scared that Alphard knew of his and Felix’ previous secret friendship and their secret meetups.

“Because he’s really weird and annoying, Orion.” Alphard said. “What did he do or say this time?” Alphard asked.

Orion calmed down a bit and said:” He tried to convince me that men can have sex with each other.”

“That’s not that crazy actually. It’s true.” Alphard said.

“How do you know?” Orion asked and he pulled a face.

“How do you not know?” Alphard asked before telling: “I don’t have first hand experience but I know a few people who do.”

“That’s disgusting, Alphard.” Orion spat and he turned away before he continued his way to the Slytherin dorm.

“Not really…” Alphard sighed and he tried to think why that weird Donovan would even talk about sex to Orion.

“Maybe him just being weird is the reason.” Alphard shrugged.


	50. Fifth year: Felix Donovan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided against the idea that I wrote in the last chapter so this chapter will not have explicit scenes. It still covers Orion x Felix for the most part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My excuses for my quite long break from updating this story. I have been busy on and off and sometimes I have just not been feeling too well.  
> I hope to get back updating more frequently after posting this chapter. For those who stayed patient for an update, thank you.

“It’s Slytherin against Hufflepuff today.” Alphard said as he walked next to Orion.

“I really don’t care, Alphard.” Orion said.

“Really? You don’t want to see Donovan lose?” Alphard asked.

“As much as I can’t stand that oddball, he’s not going to lose.” Orion said and he looked outside for a moment.

“Wow, where’s the house loyalty, Orion?” Alphard frowned.

“Really? Say that again, you were cheering for Ravenclaw last time.” Orion reminded him.

“But they have a hot chaser, that’s the big difference.” Alphard argued.

‘The Hufflepuff one has a hot seeker.’ Orion thought to himself and as he thought of Felix for a moment, their conversation from a few days ago popped up in Orion’s thoughts as well.

“I don’t think he really gets me.” Felix said but there was no answer. “You see, I’d like to believe he likes me because he spies on me getting undressed and we frequently hang out in secret but I don’t think he understands I have feelings for him as well and even if he does, I don’t think he gets I’m serious about them.” Felix said and again there was no answer.

Felix sighed. “Maybe I’m crazy, like everyone says. I’m talking to my owl like normal people talk to other people. What did I expect? For my owl to talk back?”

Felix stood up and left the owlery and almost knocked over Orion.

“Watch out, Donovan. You wouldn’t want to get hurt and lose from Avery later right?” Orion mocked softly but he meant it well. He knew that Felix was going to win and secretly he didn’t hope for the opposite outcome even though it was not his house that would be winning then.

“Orion, you’re supposed to cheer on your team.” Felix reminded him.

“I cheer on who I like, Felix.” Orion said and he walked into the owlery.

Felix held him back when he heard that and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “Could you not do that?” Orion frowned.

“Sorry, I know this isn’t a fully closed off area but the chance of someone seeing us here isn’t…” Felix tried to argue.

“It’s not that. This place smells like owl poop, I don’t want that smell around while you’re kissing me. It ruins the mood.” Orion said.

“Oh well yeah, you’re right about that. I’ll make it up later to you. After the match, what do you think?” Felix suggested but he wasn’t planning to go anything further than a kiss as he didn’t want the same thing to happen again. He didn’t want to be disappointed again.

“Fine with me.” Orion said and when Felix left off, Orion sighed and looked around in the owlery. He found his own owl quickly and frowned as he noticed his owl was sitting next to Felix’ owl again.

Orion took the letter out for his parents and gave it to his owl and after watching it fly off, he left the owlery.

“Even our owl’s take a sort of liking to each other. How is that possible?” Orion sighed.

Later as the match started and Felix did his best to catch the snitch, he noticed Orion wasn’t cheering for the Slytherin team like he was supposed to but he instead a little Hufflepuff flag but he tried to not be too obvious about it as he probably would get shunned by the rest of his house if they knew he was cheering on the other house.

Hufflepuff ended up winning, much to Alphard’s dismay and Orion couldn’t help but telling him ‘I told you so’.

“I really don’t get you being supportive of the Hufflepuff team, especially not because Donovan’s the one who made them win. I thought you hated him, Orion.” Alphard frowned.

“I do but let’s be honest. Avery is the worst seeker we’ve ever had.” Orion said.

“I guess so. If you only were into Quidditch more…” Alphard said.

“Me? Quidditch? I’d rather take Muggle studies as an elective than play that stupid game.” Orion said.

“Really?” Alphard pulled a face.

After Alphard went to meet up with Malfoy, Mulciber and Avery, Orion went back to the Quidditch pitch and there he met up with Felix.

“You should be careful with that little flag you had with you during the match.” Felix warned as soon he saw Orion.

“Are you worried about me?” Orion frowned a little.

“Of course I am, you know how a lot of Slytherins can be.” Felix said.

“I’m one of those ‘most Slytherins’, Felix. I’ll be fine.” Orion said.

“You’re different.” Felix argued.

“I’m really not that different, Felix. I may act nice to you now but behind your back I still call you…” Orion tried to say the word again but he couldn’t.

“You don’t. You never used that word to address me. At least not out loud. But you should take an example from that and stop calling me that in your head as well as stop calling other muggleborns that as well.” Felix said.

“You know I can’t.” Orion said.

“You can. You just need to try harder.” Felix tried to leave but Orion held him back. “Donovan…I mean Felix…could you spend time with me tonight?” Orion asked.

“Spend time with you?” Felix asked.

“Don’t make me say it. You know what I mean.” Orion looked straight into Felix’ eyes.

Felix just nodded at that. He knew what Orion meant although he was surprised, he didn’t let that show in his face. “Are you sure?” Felix asked to be certain about it.

Orion nodded and so Felix took his hand and took him somewhere more private.

_Current times…_

“Are you sure you don’t want us to go with you?” Orion asked to Regulus and Sirius who were ready to leave for their new school year.

“Yeah, dad. We’re old enough now to go by ourselves but we’ll write you when we arrive at school.” Regulus assured him and before he left off with Sirius he and his brother came up to Scarlett to say bye to her.

Soon the two brothers left off and Orion smiled, holding the little Scarlett. “I never saw them so happy before you came here. I…know you’re a good man, Felix but I was afraid they wouldn’t accept you or maybe that they wouldn’t like their little sister.” Orion said.

“I know but as you can see, you don’t have to worry about that.” Felix leaned against him from the back and chuckled seeing Scarlet look up at them in confusion. She had no idea what her parents were talking about, naturally.

In the meanwhile Regulus and Sirius got on the train.

“Would you like to sit with me and my friends?” Sirius offered to his brother.

“No thanks.” Regulus shook his head.

“Why not?” Sirius asked.

“I have my own friends that I like to sit with.” Regulus commented and he turned around and walked off to go find the compartment where his friends were.

Sirius was a little worried though, he was concerned that maybe Regulus was making friends with the wrong people in Slytherin. Of course not everyone in Slytherin was conservative and was against everyone not pureblood but a lot of people were and Sirius was worried that Regulus was hanging around the wrong crowd.

As Sirius found the compartment with his own friends he entered it before sitting down next Remus who looked up from his book and smiled at him.

“Hey, mate.” James said before he asked how his summer was.

“Great, as I wrote, Scarlett is just really lovely and Regulus really likes her.” Sirius said. “And I don’t know, ever since dad got together with Felix, he became nicer…he’s still really strict though but at least he’s not saying that word anymore and he is doing his best to better himself.” Sirius said. “But enough about that, how was your guys’ summer?” He asked and he glanced at Remus before looking at James and Severus and finally at Peter and Lily as well.

“My summer was fine. I mostly just prepared for our classes though.” Remus admitted.

“Oh me too but James wouldn’t let me do it all the time because he found it a little ridiculous that I was spending so much time on those things while I was supposed to ‘just enjoy my summer’.” Severus said.

“Well, he’s right. Seriously, you guys are obsessed with studying…” Sirius sighed.


	51. Fifth year: Akwardness

School had started a week ago and that Saturday, Remus and Sirius were spending time together and James and Severus were hanging around with Lily and although Peter had been invited to that he didn’t tag along as he didn’t feel comfortable with the conversations they were having. They were talking about relationships and all kinds of romantic things but Peter was the only one of the marauders that wasn’t in a relationship or had a romantic interest. Peter wasn’t interested in those things at the moment and even if he liked someone, he was convinced that there wasn’t a single girl that would take an interest in him.

As Peter wandered through the halls by himself, he came across Pamela, who Peter knew was a friend of Lily. He didn’t plan on saying anything to her but she spoke up to him instead.

  
“Hi, Peter, how are you?” she asked.

Peter awkwardly answered:” Uhm, hi…I’m fine.”

“Where are the others?” Pamela then asked.

“Remus and Sirius are spending time together and James and Sirius are hanging out together with Lily.” Peter said.

“Oh but then why aren’t you with them then?” Pamela asked.

“They’re talking about relationships and stuff. Not that there’s something wrong with that but I just don’t feel comfortable with that subject.” Peter admitted.

“Why’s that?” Pamela then asked.

“I haven’t got any experience and I’m just not that interested in such things.” Peter shrugged.

“I see, I can relate to that a bit. Last time Alice and Lily were talking about boys they like when I was hanging out with them and I just couldn’t relate because all I was thinking about was Herbology and then I just felt a little stupid.” Pamela chuckled awkwardly.

“You like Herbology?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, you don’t?” Pamela asked back.

“Not that much, I kind of like Care of Magical Creatures and Charms but I’m not good at any of them.” Peter felt a bit stupid but Pamela assured he was doing fine. “Maybe if you asked the professor some questions or looked into what you don’t understand so well…” Pamela suggested but Peter didn’t really listen to her and Pamela noticed that quickly.

“I’m not saying that you are stupid, Peter, if that’s what you think.” Pamela said.

“Why don’t you think I’m stupid? Everybody thinks so, I bet even my friends think so sometimes.” Peter looked down.

“Because you are not, Peter. Everyone has things they’re good at and things they’re not good at or not as good at. Some people need some more time to get something but that doesn’t make them stupid.” Pamela said. “Take for example, you’re good at baking right?” She asked.

“H-how do you know that?” Peter asked.

“Lily told me about it. She told me you made Severus cookies for his birthday last year and that those cookies were really good. I can’t bake at all and I don’t think any of your friends can. But James is really good at Quidditch and Severus is very good at Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions.” Pamela said.

“Well it’s true that Severus told me they were good and my mom said last time that the cake I made her was really good too.” Peter said softly.

“See?” Pamela smiled at him. “But if there’s things you need help with then don’t be afraid to ask for help.” She added.

Peter felt much better already and thanked her shyly and later during dinner he couldn’t stop thinking about how nice she had been towards him. Peter wasn’t very good with talking to other people besides his friends, let alone girls so the fact that a girl came to talk to him and didn’t ran off the moment he started speaking was in his eyes a miracle.

However while he was thinking this he hadn’t noticed that he had stopped eating and that his friends were trying to get his attention.

“What is he thinking about?” Remus wondered and Sirius chuckled before replying with: ”Probably just food. I can’t imagine him thinking about something else.”

“Really, Padfoot?” Severus frowned.

“What else would he be thinking about then?” Sirius asked.

“A girl perhaps?” James suggested.

“Peter thinking about a girl? I think not.” Sirius frowned and before his friends could protest, Peter finally asked: “Did you guys say something?”

“Welcome back, Peter. Yes, we asked why you stopped eating but you were too busy dreaming about Merlin knows what.” Sirius said.

“I wasn’t dreaming about anything. I was just thinking.” Peter quickly said and he started eating again.

“About what?” Sirius asked.

“Sirius, I think that’s none of your business.” Remus said.

“P-Pamela…she was nice to me today and she’s the first person besides you guys to be so nice.” Peter admitted.

“Pamela…I think I’ve heard that name before. Is she a blonde haired girl with a fringe who’s in the same year as us but in Ravenclaw?” Sirius asked.

“Yes…how do you know her?” Peter asked.

“Is she one of the girls you snogged with last year?” James asked and when Peter heard that question he wondered why he deeply inside hoped that wasn’t the case. Why did he even care?

“No, I spend some time with her during the year that I couldn’t go home for Christmas. I still remember her because I’ve seen her hang out with Lily from time to time.” Sirius said.

“Oh…” Peter felt relieved somehow.

“I didn’t think you were so good at remembering people, Sirius.” Remus said.

“Most of the time I’m not no…” Sirius said and Peter tuned out of the conversation again and looked behind him at the Ravenclaw table, hoping to see Pamela and when he did, they quickly met eyes. Pamela smiled at him and waved but Peter awkwardly just turned away again and tried to get back into the conversation his friends were having.

What was he thinking? She probably only was nice to him because she knew Sirius.

Later that evening, Peter, Sirius and Remus were quickly asleep in their beds but James and Severus sat by the window, staring up at the night sky. Severus was in James’ arms and around them James had wrapped a soft blanket.

“Do you think Sirius and Remus will be going out soon?” James asked softly.

“No honestly, they know what they feel for each other but Remus doesn’t want to hurt Sirius, even if it’s accidental and he’ll be even more afraid of doing so if they’re a couple.” Severus said.

“But he won’t hurt him.” James argued.

“On purpose? Probably not but we can’t rule out accidents, James. It could accidently happen and even then Remus would never forgive himself.” Severus said.

“But…” James tried to argue again.

“I know you desperately want to be together, so do I but there’s only one thing we can do and that’s just let them get closer at their own pace. Let’s also not forget that even though Sirius has accepted us and his dad who has a male partner now, that it doesn’t mean that he’s fully okay with his own sexuality.” Severus said.

“You’re right.” James sighed and then kissed Severus’ cheek.

“Hmm is that it?” Severus chuckled.

“You want more?” James asked teasingly.

“Of course.” Severus smirked.


	52. Fifth year: Crushes and dating

It was a rainy October evening when Remus sat at the fireplace with Sirius and Lily at the fireplace. Remus was reading a book while he ate some chocolate. He had his legs over Sirius’ lap and covered with a soft blanket. Lily and Sirius were talking about their latest classes, Remus wasn’t paying to their conversation at all.

“Sometimes I still can’t believe you went for Muggle studies.” Lily said.

“Why not?” Sirius asked.

“Well I just didn’t think you’d be interested in it.” Lily said.

“Are you kidding me? I love muggle music and I read a muggle book once and I actually liked it. Although I must say their interpretation of magic is a little bit weird.” Sirius shrugged. 

Lily smiled, pleasantly surprised and then they went over to the subject of dating. “I’m surprised that you haven’t been seeing someone.” Sirius said. Even though he wasn’t interested at all, he had to admit that Lily was beautiful and on top of that, she was smart and a good witch too. Who could wish for more right? Even so, she didn’t seem to have anyone in her life like that.

“Maybe I am and you just don’t know?” Lily smirked.

“Oh please, I would’ve known by know if you did. At this point I know you as well as the guys I share a room with and that says a lot.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I wish I could say the same about you, Sirius but I have the feeling that I don’t know a lot about you.” Lily said.

“What can I say? I’m mysterious.” Sirius flipped his hair over his shoulder and grinned at which Lily rolled her eyes.

“Merlin knows what Remus sees in you.” Lily said.

“What Remus sees in me?” Sirius acted as if he didn’t knew about the massive crush Remus had on him but the feeling was mutual though, he had a massive crush on Remus too.

“I don’t know a lot about you but you can’t fool me by pretending you don’t know about what’s going on between you and Remus.” Lily said.

“There’s nothing going on between me and Remus.” Sirius argued and before Lily could argue back, Severus, James and Peter came back from their detention.

“I hope this is the last time I have detention with you guys!” Peter said in frustration and he already went ahead to his room.

“What happened?” Remus looked up from his book as he heard Peter yell in frustration.

“Well let’s say that Severus and I were a little too flirty during detention.” James shrugged.

“It was all your fault.” Severus said.

“I didn’t hear you complaining though.” James said back.

Lily, Remus and Sirius sighed deeply. “Can’t you guys keep your hands to yourself?” Sirius asked.

“It was nothing like that, Sirius. We were just kissing!” Severus defended but he got red in his face which didn’t make what he said very convincing.

“Just kissing huh?” Lily asked, seeing Severus’ face.

“You too, Lily?” Severus asked in disbelief.

“Let’s just go to bed, Sev.” James said, not in the mood for arguments now. Severus agreed and followed him upstairs to their room.

Lily then sighed and then decided to go to her room as well. “See you guys tomorrow.” She said to Remus and Sirius.

“Good night, Lily.” Both of them said before silence filled the common room again. It was way past their bed time but Sirius wasn’t tired yet and Remus didn’t feel like going to bed yet either.

“What were you and Lily talking about before they came in?” Remus asked.

“All kinds of things. School subjects, muggle things and…dating but that got interrupted by Peter walking in and complaining.  
“Dating? Is Lily dating anyone?” Remus asked.  
“Not that I know off but she said she could be, I don’t really believe her though. I’m sure I would know if she was dating someone.” Sirius said.

“Hmm…what about you then?” Remus then asked.

“What about me?” Sirius frowned.

“Are you dating anyone?” Remus asked.

“Are you serious now, Remus? Why would I be dating anyone? You know I…” Sirius said but he got interrupted by Remus as he asked: “So we aren’t dating either?”

“…What?” Sirius couldn’t believe his ears. He couldn’t have heard that correctly. Did Remus just ask if they were dating?

Instead of saying something back, Remus put his book down and then leaned closer to Sirius before gently pressing his lips onto Sirius’.

Sirius was shocked when he felt Remus’ lips on his but he kissed him back shortly. When Remus broke the kiss though, Sirius was filled with a lot of questions but he didn’t ask any as he didn’t knew where to start.

“I know we never asked each other out officially and that I haven’t been treating you much different from before but I always felt a little awkward about asking so I never did.” Remus said.

“So you assumed we were already dating?” Sirius asked softly.

“Well, only if you want us to.” Remus said and Sirius kissed him again, shortly as a reply.

“I assume that’s a yes.” Remus said.

“Yes but I’m not quite sure if I want anything beyond kissing just yet. We could go to Hogsmeade this weekend if you want to though.” Sirius suggested.

“That’s fine with me and I’d like that very much.” Remus said.

“Also, can we keep this between us for a bit?” Sirius asked and Remus nodded to that.

“I’m pretty sure that Peter would go crazy if he knew about this right now. He’s already tired of James and Severus being flirty all the time.” Remus said.

“Well he’s lucky they’re not horny as well.” Sirius said but then he frowned. “Actually, I’m also glad they’re not horny. I wouldn’t want them to have sex in our room.” Sirius added.

“It’s going to happen eventually, I’m afraid.” Remus sighed.

“Then I hope they wait until the last day of our seventh year to do that. So I only have to experience that once.” Sirius said.

“That would be a dream come true but you and me both know that’s not going to be the case. It wouldn’t surprise me they’d get up to it this year or at least next year.” Remus said.

“You’re probably right but I wish you weren’t.” Sirius sighed deeply.

“Oh believe me, I wish I wasn’t right either.” Remus said and then he suggested to go upstairs.

Sirius agreed to that but once they got out the couch, he lifted up Remus and carried him in his arms.

“Show off.” Remus chuckled but Sirius didn’t mind him saying that. He brought him upstairs into their room and as he put him in bed, he noticed that the curtains around James’ bed were closed and that Severus wasn’t laying in his bed.

“You don’t think they…?” Sirius asked softly to Remus and the other boy shrugged. Sirius however wanted to know and he went to stand closer to James’ bed to check if he could hear something.

“Sirius, that’s an invasion on their privacy.” Remus sneered softly.

“Shh…” Sirius held his finger to his mouth and then tried to listen as well as he could but the only thing he heard was James humming softly and some sniffing. That confused Sirius and he went back to Remus and sat down on his bed.

“They’re not doing anything.” Sirius said, not saying what he had heard.

“Good, now never do that again, Sirius.” Remus strictly said.

“Yes, Mr. Lupin.” Sirius said and he got undressed and then laid down in Remus’ bed.

“Are you sleeping in my bed tonight?” Remus asked.

“Looks like it.” Sirius said and he cuddled up to Remus.

“I thought you didn’t want to go beyond kissing.” Remus reminded him.

“This is not beyond kissing in my opinion though. Besides I did this when we’re in second year too and I definitely didn’t have a crush on you back then.” Sirius said and Remus slightly frowned to that.

“Maybe…I did a little bit but that’s it.” Sirius said.

“Sure thing, Mr. Black.” Remus said jokingly and he soon fell asleep. Sirius was awake for a little longer and wondered what had happened with Severus and James but then again, he didn’t think it was his business so he wouldn’t ask.

‘I’m sure nothing too bad happened.’ He thought to himself before falling asleep.


	53. Fifth year: The diary

Once Peter went to bed, Severus and James got changed into their pyjama’s and Severus decided to join James in his bed tonight. Although he felt loved by James, something terrible had been going through his mind for a while. He had been thinking of James leaving him for someone else. No one in particular but just someone better than him. Prettier, smarter and more loving than he ever could be. Even now when he laid down with James, the idea popped back up in his head and it made him tear up.

James immediately noticed the tears in Severus’ eyes and worriedly asked what was going on.

“It’s nothing…I’m being pathetic.” Severus said softly.

“You’re not, you know you could tell me anything, Sev. Right?” He asked him softly.

Severus hesitated at first but then said: “I’ve had this terrible thought for a while. I know it doesn’t make much sense but sometimes I have this thought you’ll leave me for someone better. Someone prettier than me, smarter than me and more loving than me. I…”

“Severus, even if someone’s out there like that, there’s no way I would leave you. I love you so much and I can’t even imagine being with someone else.” James said and he held the other male close as they laid down.

Severus sniffed a bit and apologised.

“It’s okay…” he said and after a while he started humming a little to calm Severus down and to make sure he could sleep properly. Severus appreciated this and after a while he stopped sniffing and he eventually fell asleep.

The next day Severus woke up first. He got out of bed and went over to the window to look at the sunrise. Now his head was filled with different thoughts than it had been lately. James’ words had really helped him. Now he couldn’t help but think about going on dates with James, enjoying his time with him and with his friends. It was all quite innocent, like it was most of the time. It wasn’t as if Severus never had any naughty thoughts but they were very rare.

But then the question popped into his mind. ‘Should I have sex with James? What would that be like?’ he thought and just the thought of it, without imagining it made Severus blush brightly red.

“You’re early.” Severus heard behind him and as he turned around he saw it was Remus who just got out of bed.

“Good morning.” Severus said to him and Remus smiled and stood next to him.

“How’s everything between you and Sirius?” Severus decided to ask as he noticed that Remus had been laying in Sirius’ bed and he had been doing that quite often lately.

“Hmm the same as always. I’m not sure what you’re getting at.” Remus said.

“You’ve been sleeping in his bed a lot.” Severus brought up.

“So have you in James’.” Remus said.

“True but I’m in a relationship with James.” Severus said back.

Remus couldn’t say anything against that. He and Sirius had agreed to not anyone just yet that they were dating so he couldn’t just admit here to Severus that he and Sirius were dating too.

Severus noticed that Remus was oddly silent so he assumed there was something he couldn’t talk about. To avoid the awkward silence and tension he brought up another subject. “Next week is the full moon, on a Wednesday if I’m not mistaken.” Severus said.

“Yes.” Remus said, he was really thankful for his friends joining him and making sure that he didn’t hurt himself too much while also making sure that he didn’t hurt anyone else.

“I’ll make sure nobody gets detention then, including myself.” Severus said.

“About that, I still don’t know why you, James and Peter were in detention.” Remus frowned.

“Passing notes. Me and James were writing things to each other in Transfiguration and Peter was the one passing them.” Severus admitted.

“Really?” Remus sighed.

“Yeah, it’s really ridiculous now I think about it. I’m more surprised that you didn’t remember since you were there.” Severus said.

“I was probably too focused on the material, like you guys all should be.” Remus huffed.

“You’re right about that.” Severus agreed with him.

Later that day, Sirius decided to go to the lake by himself. He sat down and took his father’s diary out. He had taken it back from the box after all and taken it with him back to Hogwarts. He hoped since it was an old diary that his father wouldn’t notice it was gone. He wanted to read it after all, thinking it might perhaps help him with certain things.

He opened the dairy and just skipped to wherever he thought that his dad might have started writing about his feelings about Felix Donovan.

**_September 11, 1946_ **

**_I’ve only started my sixth year last week and already I can’t avoid Felix. We had been friends in the past but ever since fourth year we stopped hanging out. I thought I could just forget about him if I did. I cannot believe myself for being like this. All what I’ve been thinking about is him._ **

**_Felix is popular with the girls, much to some people’s annoyance. But although I don’t understand the appeal, I have to acknowledge that he’s an excellent seeker and if it wasn’t for his despicable blood status and the fact that he’s in Hufflepuff, he’d make a good addition to the Slytherin team. Alas, that’s not the case._ **

**_He’s very loved by teachers as well, in particular Professor Slughorn but since Felix rejected the request to join Slughorn’s little club, Slughorn seems a little disappointed in him. To be fair, in his situation I don’t see a point in seeing the slug club. Just because it’s filled with people who hate mudbloods. He’s better off like this._ **

Sirius flipped the page and blinked in surprise to see a sketch of a peony and under it his father had written the following:

**_September 12, 1946, a peony. In this season there’s no peonies and they don’t grow anywhere at Hogwarts either. Felix mentioned he loves them so I drew him one, similar to this one._ **

Sirius was surprised by how romantic his dad was and it also made him wonder if peonies had a special meaning to them as he could remember a book in the library called ‘Flowers and their meanings’ or something like that at least. ‘Maybe I should lend that book sometime.’ He thought and then he looked at the next diary entry.

**_September 15, 1946_ **

**_The first Quidditch match of the year was between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. Great seeker or not, Hufflepuff lost the match. Felix seemed very upset by the outcome. After the match I invited him for a walk by the lake._ **

**_We talked about nonsensical things for the most part. He also told me about his family and that they hate him for being magical. He didn’t seem to be so upset about that but I could be wrong. He could be just acting as if he’s though. I wouldn’t know why he would do that._ **

**_Felix also showed me that he had gotten a love letter from someone and for a moment I couldn’t help but feel disappointed. I still don’t know why. Why would I be disappointed if he found love?_ **

**_Whatever the reason was, it was short lived because he set the letter on fire while telling me he had no interest in girls. I asked him if that was because he wasn’t ready for love yet but he replied that he was ready but that he was interested in guys._ **

**_Disgusting._ **

Sirius frowned when he finished reading that but he could somehow relate to what his dad had written down. He sighed and decided to skip some pages. “Dad is really slow with these things huh?” he asked out loud and then he came across another sketch. This time not of a flower but a snitch. There was nothing written under it though this time so Sirius flipped to the next page.

**_December 20, 1946_ **

**_It’s the last day before we all go home for the Christmas break and Felix has gotten me an early present. I had nothing for him though and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to find the time to get him something but he said he didn’t mind._ **

**_He has gifted me a stuffed toy snake. A very childish gift I thought at first but he told me he wanted me to think of him whenever I looked at it. I don’t know who he thinks he is, telling me what to do and what to think about but I accepted the gift anyway._ **

**_The stuffed toy smells like him and is of a good quality. It’s very soft and although I can’t show it to anyone, I can easily hide it since it’s not very big._ **

**_I hate to admit this since I think it’s very stupid of me but I like the present. I like him as well but things would never work between us._ **

Sirius sighed disappointed a little bit in the slow development and the fact that the entries were quite useless to him. “Come on, there must be something useful in here!” Sirius groaned and he started flipping pages but then he suddenly stopped when he thought he saw something so he flipped back. He stopped at a certain page that concerned him. It was full of scratches and double crossed words. He however tried to make out what the things were that his father tried to cover up.

**_~~January 9, 1947~~ _ **

**_~~I love him so much, so much but there’s nothing I can do. Mother and father are planning to set me up with Walburga after graduation and there’s nothing I can do about it. The only thing I possibly could do is come home with a pureblood girlfriend but I don’t have any and I honestly don’t want one. What do I do?~~ _ **

**_~~I want to run away with him, I want to run away from all of this!~~ _ **

“Oh dad…” He muttered. Even though all of this was over, he could feel the distress his dad had been in. He could feel how hopeless his dad had felt when he was writing this. He honestly felt a little bad for him. He touched the page and could feel how hard his dad had tried to scratch these messages away. For a moment he sighed deeply and then flipped to the next page.

He could tell by the huge gap in date that his father must have stopped writing for a while.

**_March 30, 1947_ **

**_Today Felix tried to convince me that sex between two guys is an actual thing. I couldn’t believe him at first but when he explained what it was like, I backed away. I don’t know why in my mind it was a good idea to let him proof me it was real. But now I know that what I thought before was a lie._ **

Sirius frowned and looked over at the next page.

**_March 31, 1947_ **

**_He showed me…he actually showed me. For a moment I thought I had been dreaming but it was real and it was nothing like I thought it would be. He was ever so gentle, so sweet and patient. He stayed with me afterwards as well and held me in his arms. If I would describe it more in detail then I would…_ **

Sirius quickly flipped the page before he could read the details and got red. “Really, dad?” he sighed. The following pages however weren’t dairy entries but detailed drawings, not just rough sketches like before. Orion had made detailed drawings of Felix and most of them were definitely not fitted for Sirius eyes.

“Merlin, no!” Sirius closed the diary quickly.

That’s when he heard some foot steps behind him and before Sirius could say something he heard a very familiar voice say: “I’m going to tell dad that you took his diary.”


End file.
